Vanessa Taylor has. Who is Vanessa Taylor? Well that would the the screenwriter of tonight's episode. But we can get to the metaphors in a moment, for now, let's just grab our swords and do this thing.
Direwolf Badassery - 1/2 points. What's the phrase? All bark and no bite. Yeah that's that's the one. Maybe it was the whitewalker kill by Ghost last week, but this week, with Bran's wolf Summer just growling at an enemy, I wasn't that impressed.
Joffrey Swag - 5 Points. I believe they call it swag on swag. Just lots of gems from MC Joffrey tonight. The first, he said the conversation with his mother was "the most boring conversation ever." The second he told his mother "Intelligent women do as they're told."The third was his general put down on flowery fashion and then constant preening in the mirror. He's gotta look good yo.
1. So we met this new character Jojen Reed tonight, and if you were wondering, YES that is the kid from Love Actually. I wish he was around in the past two series to explain to us that the three eyed raven Bran keeps seeing is actually him in spirit form. Definitely would have been convenient. But seriously, what's this dude and his sister's end game? I'm not totally buying the whole, I came to help you out story. Everyone has motive and I'm sure we will find out his soon enough.
2. Theon is getting tortured with the old screws in the hands/feet routine. Maybe if you weren't such a insufferable asshole last season Theon I would care more about you.
3. MILD MIND BONE WITH PAPRIKA - Seeing the Kingslayer just talk that bullshit with She-Man (aka Brienne The Beauty) made me realize that he is the anti-Joffrey. He may be his Daddy, but considering that he's super smooth and deadly with a sword, and that Joffrey is the opposite of smooth and a coward, these two, while of the same bloodline could not be more different.
Olenna Tyrell. She comes across as just a ruthless as Stannis but also with a dash of Littlefinger as well. Besides being beautifully shot, her little sit down with her Grandaughter Margaery and Sansa was one of the high points of the episode. This old lady defines cunning and I'm sure we'll see her in action shortly.
5. PAUSE FOR GENDER EQUALITY - A common knock on Game of Thrones as a show is that it's got too much sex and nudity. And while that may be true, it also has more well written female characters that any show on TV that I know of. Khalesi, Sansa, Arya, Catelyn, Brienne, Cersei, Margaery, and Ygritte are all great, well written, interesting characters. I don't think any other show can match that.
6. There wasn't a lot of Jon Snow and Mance tonight, but in their one scene, did you catch that Mance has successfully united tons of different people...something that no one in the seven kingdoms has done. A true king beyond the wall indeed.
7. I promised you metaphors so here you are. Did you catch Margaery learning how to work Joffrey's wood, I mean, weapon, I mean thing that shoots stuff out of it. Please...a little heavy handed by the writers but I get it. The future queen is playing Joffrey perfectly from riding the innuendos to telling him she wants to kill with him. Well done. Also I'm not sure if's a metaphor, maybe some of the more scholarly readers can help out in the comments, but there was a deep sexual tension running through that fight with Kingslayer and She-Man. Let me say that with a little more cheese - the sparks from the swords clashing aren't the only ones sparkling between these two...zing!!!
8. Was this the first Thrones episode where no one was killed?
9. So happy to see Arya back but damn was that disappointing to see get worked by Thoros of Mir like that. Speaking of Thoros, I'm getting a real Robin Hood vibe from him and his posse of the Brotherhood Without Banners. Really interesting to see how they fit into all this.
10. More magic in Thrones this season and I and hopefully you are happy about it. This show has a gift for making magic appear "real" (well outside of shadow vagina assassins). The concept of the Warg, or being able to see out of animals eyes is interesting and we've seen Bran do it, but I wonder if any of the Starks who seem to be very connected with their dire-wolves, can do it as well?
Gotta love that line - "There's no story a good drink won't make better." Keep that in mind until next time, tell your friends about the recap. Have a great week