May 31, 2012

Bourne Legacy Trailer

I gotta be honest, I'm a real sucka for people shooting down planes with sniper rifles (Shooter for life), improvised weapons (Sudden Death for life), and cool motorcycle chases (Torque...for life...just kidding), but seriously, this looks pretty fresh.

May 21, 2012

TPG's Game Time: Episode 8 - "The Prince of Winterfell

All across the land last night as the credits rolled on another great "Game of Thrones" episode, everyone wondered one thing---when the hell is Theon Greyjoy going to get his? But moving beyond fake Iron Man Theon, I found last night's episode to be one of my favorite of the season. Yeah yeah, I know it felt like a set-up episode for next week's much hyped "Blackwater" battle, but still there was a lot to like here.

Direwolf Badassery: .01? I'm pretty sure the direwolves were hanging out with Bran and Rickon Stark in the basement of Winterfell, and while I prefer my direwolves to be killing and maiming, the dude who likes dogs in me understands sometimes you just gotta snuggle up.

Joffrey Swag: 5 Points. With imminent invasion, his city of the brink of civil war, and no combat experience he's roaming the walls talking about going on the offensive. Not to mention his line about giving his enemies a "red smile" with he was flashing a demonic Lannister rojo smile of his own.

1. It's looking more and more likely that Theon is going to bite the bust soon. But I think it's more than likely he'll get a death trying to help the Starks after a change of conscience. First you had his sister soften up with her story about Baby Theon (no word if he was womanizing as a baby), then Dagmer scoffs at his nice notion to send gold to the farmer, and finally he looks up at the charred corpses, wants to take them down, and can practically see "WTF" coming out his mouth. He's done...but he may have some good left in him.

2. I'm just going to come out and say it, Jon Snow, the blue eyed demon killing badass is not doing it for me this season. He simply hasn't fought enough wildlings and has spent the bulk of the season moping around. I don't care if you and Ygritte got something going on, leave the romance to Robb Stark, you Jon Snow, you go back to slicing and dicing bad guys with that valerian steel!

3. Lady Stark says Jaime Lannister escaped, but that's a half truth! He's stuck on a romantic canoe trip with She-Man and I wonder if there is a play here beyond a simple prisoner exchange. Also...canoeing is legit.

4. Siq Jaqen H'ghar is the medieval version of Bodhi from "Point Break" (Which is the shit.) He worships some heady "Red God," has long blond hair, is dangerous, and extremely enigmatic. 

5. MIND BONE WITH AGED CHEDDAR -Ned Stark may be buried, but he was all over this episode. First we had his name get mentioned with Jon Snow up in the north as something with value, then we had Robb reflect on what a great man while on his stroll, and finally he was brought up in King's Landing about someone who didn't know the game. It's clear that Ned's values of mercy, family, and liberty (shared by Talisa btw) still ring true for the "good" characters on the show. And I loved how the episode closed out this message with wonderful shot that showed that the values of the Starks live on because  because there are Starks in Winterfell.

6. Holy shit was it good to have Stannis back. I've really latched onto him as a character because he's so driven. That story he told about holding the city was crazy and a reminder just how intense he is.

7. I don't consider myself a fashion aware dude, I'm not up on Pineterest, but I gotta call it when I see it: Khalesi is wearing some really funky outfits in Qarth. Not sure where her wardrobe is coming from if she has no money, no dragons, and no allies except Sir Jorah.

8. With all this business with Tyrion's favorite whore and Cersei threatening her, please forgive me here folks, but is this a "Game of Thrones" or a "Game of Hos?" Zing!!!

9. Last week we got to see a sympathetic part of Cersei as she lamented why Joffrey was so evil and what her life had become....well good to see that was just a phase cause this week we got her threatening people (see above if you missed my genius joke), insult her brother's manhood, and just being a ice cold beyaaatch.

10. Next week is the big ass battle episode. Titled "Blackwater" here are some things to get you pumped up for it (besides the picture on the right)

  • The episode is written by George R.R. Martin, who's the writer of the books and last year's head chopping episode "The Pointy End."
  • It's directed by Neil Marshall, who specializes in well directed hyper gory awesome action movies. See the genre pic Centurion for reference.
  • The season 2 budget for the show was raised specifically for this episode.
  • Apparently it's not as epic as people want it to be (maybe I should read the books?)

May 14, 2012

TPG's Game Time Episode 7 - A Man Without Honor

Man, I gotta wash my hands, because that was just a dirty vile hour of television. From the bizarre horror movie music at the end, to uh, the last image of the charred corpses of children the whole thing was just super grim. That being said, I'm sure there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it's not like this show is all dark themes of incest, death, treason, and family members killing each other...wait...whattt? Let's get into it.

Direwolf Badassery: 0 (I really thought I was going to see them step it up)

Joffrey Swag - .2 (Even when he's not around they're speaking his name)

1. Jaime Lannister! It's been too long since he appeared in an episode and simply put this dude is an absolute beast. There are a multitude of reasons why he simply dominated this episode, so let's start with the first. His speech to his second cousin/nephew/fat person related family mate Alton was a metaphor for how people age in this harsh world of the show. The story about how his time as a squire, his first kill, and how they fear him now, was fitting because it shows how fast people age on the show. Just last season Robb Stark was just a teenager, Jon Snow was in training, and Ned Stark was alive. If you need more evidence that this episode was about how people change, look no further than the only real youth not on the battlefield on the show...Sansa Stark and as we saw...she's turning into an adult. That's a scary thing because if you're not prepared for the real world of adulthood, you're probably going to get burned by...or in this case...beaten to death by your idol. Rough brah.

2. In the grand world of "Titanic: You Both Can Fit on That Board" logic, why doesn't Bran and Rickon just hop on the Direwolfs and Osha hop on Hodor? Would conserve food and energy.

3. Seeing Theon wake up, briefly look around for Osha, realize he was in deep shit, made my wonder what a medieval version of "The Hangover" would look like. Jamie would be the ringleader, Jon Snow the 25 year old hyper religious virgin, Theon the tool that everyone hates, and Hodor would be just be Hodor.

4. Couple words about Theon. The look on his face when those child charred corpses appeared seemed to indicate he was disgusted with himself and shocked how far he game. Right now I'm 95% hoping for a brutal awful death and 5% hoping for Boromir situation where he redeems himself but still dies.

5. Jaime is such a great character cause he's a deconstruction of the classic Prince Charming archetype in fantasy. He looks like Prince Charming (see left), he "saved" the Kingdom, he's name is revered across the land, he's an expert fighter, and he's royalty. we see, he bangs his sister, kills innocent people, and has been captured. There is no "Prince Charming" and if there was, he'd probably be up to something awful...just like ol' kingslayer.

6. Funny seeing Tywin get all deep looking out over the hanging corpses and ruins of Harrenhal. Also...Tywin def knows that Arya is a Stark...he's just keeping her close.

7. Jon Snow is a man that's never belonged. He wasn't a they sent him to the wall...he tried to flee the wall to be with his family...they made him a Steward...he wanted to become a ranger...he's falling for Ygritte the maybe he'll become one.

8. Damn those Warlocks really broke up The New Day Co-Op / Council of Nine real fast huh. there only one Warlock...and his name is Pyat Pree. Shit is confusing but totally awesome. Cannot wait to see what is going on at The House of The Undying. I hope whatever is in there is something Khalesi can handle emotionally because she's more emo than Sawlly Draper these days.

9. "The more people you love...the weaker you are," says Cersei on Mother's Day. Dayuuumm. Is she the most ice cold character on the show? Also...where the hell is Stannis?  Double also... are Hodor and Sam related

10. I don't think that is Rickon and Bran hanging at the end. It's the kid's from the farm. Notice that Bran said they would be tortured if they went there. Bran can see the future. Hopefully this means he'll turn into a wolf.

May 7, 2012

TPG's Game Time: Episode 6 "The Old God's & The New"

I can feel the set-up. It's becoming almost standard practice with these epic cable series that they start a little slow, begin to ramp up, and then around episode 7 they just become a mad blitz of violence and awesome power until the end. This week's episode title "The Old Gods and The New" felt like the last episode before shit really begins to pop off, and I enjoyed it greatly. That being said, I cannot wait for what is coming. I feel like there is some next level Thrones shit on the horizon and I'm ready for it.

Joffrey Swag - 1 Seeing him pouting like a boss while his sister was shipped away in tears was hilarious and awesome. Also a return of the Joffrey being so spectacular he can't even respond to getting slapped earns him points as well.

Direwolf Badassery - .1 Can these beasts please kill again. All we got was Ghost plotting around behind Jon Snow, getting called a "pet" and Shaggydog and Summer rolling out of the castle with Bran & Rickon stark.

1. Ahh, Theon Greyjoy, you little shit, I cannot wait for you to beg and plead for mercy while Robb Stark feeds you to Grey Wind for lunch. However, on a observational direwolf note, you ever notice that while Theon was boys with the Starks for so long, he never got a direwolf. Jon Snow got one and in case you didn't know...he was a bastard. As for Greyjoy, dude is so weak sauce now he can't even take Sir Rodrick's head off with one strike...that is definitely a metaphor. Where Robb seemed to transition very well from being a son to being a leader, Theon is obviously struggling.

2. Ygritte is the name of the wilding babe that Jon Snow is spooning with. I gotta say, I had no idea that wildings could be so hot, I thought they were all grimy witch people like Osha (more on her later), but I wasn't ready for her snow bunny ginger powers, and from the looks of it, I don't think Jon Snow is either. I wonder if she's going to teach him more about the White Walkers, wildlings, and you know other things that he's not as versed in.

3. MIND MELT WITH ICED BLUE CHEDDAR - I loved the speech that resident ranger badass Qhorin Halfhand gave to Jon Snow about the purpose of the wall, not just because it was a well written speech, but because it seemed to be timeless commentary about the current state of war in the world. The wall is a metaphor for Iraq/Afghanistan, the Night's watch are all the armed forces members who exist but the common man doesn't know or care about, the Wildings are insurgents, they may or may not be tied in with the massive global evil that we know nothing about, aka the White Walkers. The whole thing just fits so well and was a nice change of pace from the usual power play lingo of the show.
4. More than any other character Daenerys has had the least to do this season. So I suggest she take some acting lessons from Megan on Mad Men to further bring the thunder with her threats and promises of her pending kingdom taker over. She also should meet up with Stringer Bell from The Wire to learn about business, as that whole I will pay you back three times seems like a real bad deal.

5. However that being said, I don't know who massacred her men and took her dragons, but I'm going to guess it was those zany old warlocks, always up to no good, those Warlocks. Here's hoping my man Sir Jorah gets to regulate a little bit trying to get them back.

6. This week on "Game of Thrones" gratuitous sex was replaced with gratuitous guts getting ripped out part 1. First we had Dogg rescuing Sansa, something which was satisfying because it has been foreshadowed ever since Ol' Little Finger told her the story of Dogg's dicey relationship with her brother. We also had him offering kind words to Sansa last season after her father's death. Still ol medieval Two Face's quick destruction of Sansa's rapists was very satisfying and I wonder if he really getting tired of Joffrey's tricks.

7. This week on "Game of Thrones" gratuitous sex was replaced with gratuitous guts getting ripped out part 2. Osha! I wondered what her play was during the course of the episode, but seeing her sacrifice her body to rescue Bran was very satisfying. Also was her ninja throat rip on that guard! I wonder why she's doing it. Is out of loyalty to the Starks or because she knows Bran is seriously important for his potent dreams?

8. With the Stark boys bailing on the Winterfell, my girlfriend and I both wonder...what happens when a Stark isn't in Winterfell? Do all the ravens grow an extra eyeball?

9. I loved seeing Robb Stark just walking through his troop camp just giving out high fives and fist pumps. "Ahh, whatup Sir Freddy Blacksmith Mayne...nice battle, sup Ace McCloud...what's up super hot nurse babe...what's up Mom..whaa?" Also how the hell he noticed his mother but not She-Man is beyond me.

10. For all you Joffrey Haters out there...aka the world, here's a picture of him with shit on his face.

May 4, 2012

The Avengers Is Simply The Best

Oh.My.God. "The Avengers" is so gottt dayuuuummmmm awesome I can barely contain myself. Longtime readers will know that your boy TPG lives and dies by OSMs aka "Oh Shit Moments," so it brings me great satisfaction and joy to proclaim that the movie has more OSMs than every previous super hero every made combined. For those of you who are super hero movie literate it's basically like someone took the combined power of the below sequences, shot them full of gamma rays, and made a movie out of it:

Wolverine Defends The Mansion in X2
Train Battle in Spiderman 2
Iron Man 1 Afghanistan Scene
Iron Man 2 Suitcase Suit Brawl
Thor Mjonir Fight Scene
Captain America Grenade Scene

You'll notice that last scene I included wasn't an action scene. "The Avengers" has plenty of action, shit, I mean that last act where they fight monsters in New York is easily one of the BEST action sequences of ALL TIME. Yes, I'm not exaggerating, it really is that fresh. But, the movie wouldn't be incredible if it was just all action all the time, the fact of the matter is the movie is hilarious. Screenwriter Joss Whedon knows how to structure his jokes into the narrative and they almost always work. In addition he gives each character great material that fits their personas. Captain America is noble and true, Tony Stark is jackass, Thor has humbled swagger, etc. Simply put it just all works.

So with action off the chain, hilarious dialogue, great characters, and more oh shit moments that you can possibly imagine, does anything in the movie not click 100%? Sure, there is some moderate pacing issues and some of the more minute details of the plot are a little confusing, but those are small things, this is entertainment of the highest order. Yesterday I put the Avengers on the bottom of my summer movie anticipation rankings, but now after seeing it ( I will def be seeing it again in theaters) I feel really embarrassed that I put it there.

"Avengers" is easily the best super-hero movie ever made. Yeah, I know all you Nolanites will lose your shit and say "The Dark Knight" is, but beyond that movie and it's coming sequel's brooding intensity, it's still a super-hero movie with guys in costumes, evil villains and their henchmen, and lots of larger than life technology. Where Nolan's "Batman" hides it's super hero roots around gritty "realism" and dark themes, "Avengers" wears it's comic book heritage on it's sleeve like  S.H.I.E.L.D logo. It's refreshing and incredible.

After four years of anticipation and hype, I never thought "Avengers" movie could be this awesome. I know I hype up a lot of shit on this site folks, but seriously, this one, damn, this one is 100% legit.

May 2, 2012

Summer Movie Threesome: Who's On Top?

There are many movies coming out in the summer of 2012, but you wouldn't know it. Three movies are dominating every conversation I've had with movie geeks, standard bros, and everyday film goers: "Avengers", "The Dark Knight Rises", and "Prometheus." I mean that's all there really is right? Sure there is the "Spiderman" reboot which feels totally unnecessary, a new "Men In Black" (devoid of a new Will Smith theme song...which is bullshit), a new "Expendables," a slightly better looking "G.I. Joe," but seriously at the end of the day it all comes down to the trio...the trinity.

So in the words of the almighty Highlander (movie is nuts by the way) "there can only be one," so lets breakdown each of three cinematic titans to see which one is the most anticipated.
Prometheus: Aliens in space kill people! This movie which has run a perfect marketing campaign seems to be at the top of the pack right now. Director Ridley Scott described the movie as "2001 on Steroids" and if there is one thing that male movie-goers like, it's trippy far out mega space shit. The trailers released feature space ships, foreign landscapes, androids, alien creatures, machine guns, flamethrowers, ATVs, mysterious civilizations, and of course Idris Elba aka Stringer Bell. So...pretty much everything that dudes like when they were little is now updated to everything dudes like talking about when they are blazed. Coming at us in IMAX 3D, this looks like the harsh gritty terrifying version of Avatar, and Avatar is the business. 
Avengers: You're boy TPG has been hyping this one for years and with stellar reviews and relentless marketing, the film is everywhere and people are talking about it. But for some reason it's the last ranked on the anticipation scale. I think it's because everyone knows what they're gonna get. Cool superhero action with lots of Oh Shit Moments, easter eggs to other marvel characters, and some tantalizing tease after the credits. It's the movie equivalent of eating really good pizza. You know pizza, you love pizza, you know there is some pizza that is better than other za', and you're pumped up for this legendary pizza, but ultimately you're still scarfing down the same shit you've been eating since you were a kid. It's gonna be delicious but it also won't be entirely new. (Note, don't read that paragraph as me not being pumped for the I'm straight dying of anticipation here).

The Dark Knight Rises - Is is possible that the most hyped movie in the history of this website will fail to deliver on it's massive promise created by the end of "The Dark Knight?" Probably not, the Nolan worshipping disciples will remind you that not only was "The Dark Knight" the best super hero movie ever made (I'll give you that nerds) but that "Inception," also blew your mind so any seeds of doubt should be crushed by the power of Nolan. Yet in the scope of "Prometheus" and "Avengers" this trailer needed to be an A+ to get me amped and it comes in at a solid A-. However, once I start thinking about seeing Batman on screen kicking ass, all the conspiracy theories on the film, there is no way I'm not amped as hell for this. I feel once I see "Avengers" on Friday and Prometheus on June 8th, my anticipation for this will be rising.

TPG Hype Meter:

1. Prometheus
2. The Dark Knight Rises
3. Avengers