May 28, 2010

When Prince of Persia First Came Out

When the original Prince of Persia came out in 1989, me and my brothers were playing it non-stop on the old school mac. Granted, I was three years old and now you can play Prince of Persia on a device 1/8 the size of those computers, but still, this game was/is/will be till the end of time the real deal awesome game. But since the movie is coming out today, let's take a look where everyone was when the original game came out.

1. Jake Gyllenhaal was 9 years old and just getting ready to star in the classic 80s film "City Slickers." Wait, what the shit? Jake Gyllenhaal was in City Slickers?

2. Jerry Bruckheimer was 45 years old which is crazy because he looks exactly the same now as he did then. And he's making the same type of movies. So basically he doesn't age, which either means he's an alien or he's got some really good Doctors.

3. Prince of Persia resident babe Gemma Arterton was 3 years old. Which makes her the same age as me. Which means she wants to go on a date with me, whoah, that's a big jump there, but hey, this is LA and I can dream.

4. Ben Kingsley had already won an Oscar for Ghandhi, so naturally in 1989 he thought to himself - "Now that I have my hardware, I can go make any movie I want"

5. The game was just a game. Little did creator Jordan Mechner now that it would soon spawn a mega franchise that would be reinvented four times and keep the name. Since that fateful game, there has been:

Prince of Persia 3D (No one talks about this one)
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Prince of Persia: Warrior Within (This is a reinvention cause this one is hyper violent)
Prince of Persia (cell shaded)

6.  Persia as a country had been around for about 7,011 years. That's a long time and shitload of princes
7.  Steve Jobs probably had the iphone, ipad, and the upcoming ibrain all planned out
8.  Paul Abdul had a number one album, which is crazy, because now Paula Abdul is still very much important, albeit in a much much different sense.
9. Batman was the number one movie at the box office, it starred a Persian actor named Michael Keaton. I'm just kidding Keaton is not Persian, he's just a super hero.
10. The transformers were around, ready and waiting to be reborn into  a franchise.

May 27, 2010

Iron Baby Blasts Off

DAMNNNNNNNNNNN. Are you serious with this shit? I mean there is no way that this is real. Obviously it's just as real as when Jon Favreau and Robert Downey Jr. showed up in my midnight screening. When I first saw the title I thought to myself, ohhh, how cute some guy made a video of his little child in an Iron Man costume. Then at the :10 second mark, that baby hand comes up with the repulser rays in his little baby palm, I realized this wasn't going to be some simple youtube video.

It's the little things that really make the video. The bunny getting blasted through the wall. The hot-rod in the background of the play room. The final credits that are just like Iron Man. Honestly, I'd love to see Iron Baby get his own franchise, this is just too much to handle now.

When you really think about it, it's also pretty crazy that this video can even be made. Just 10 years ago, effects like this would have cost a fortune to produce. Now, we probably have a Dad who clearly really loves his baby (and Iron Man) and made this video on his Imac. In time, videos like this will be easier and easier to make, and we all will be able to create own versions of popular franchises.

And finally I gotta say, this must have taken a considerable amount of time, maybe Mr. Stark senior, creator of this project, should spent some more actual time with the baby, instead of Ironizing him. Then again, I spent two hours writing a poem about Iron Man so.....more power to this guy.

**Big Ups to the legendary Ryan Kawamoto for tipping me off about this video**

May 26, 2010

Lost Finale Now With Light Sabers

Damn, do I love the Internet!

The Two Jacks: What Are Lost and 24 Really Telling us?

Now that "24" and "Lost" aka the anchors of my media existence have traveled on to the great television in the sky, I'm left reeling and wondering with their impact on society. Technically these are shows that exist at different ends of the television spectrum. "24" is a nail biting logic free thriller about Captain America aka Jack Bauer saving lives in the course of a day. "Lost" is a mind bending statement about faith, life, death, and everything else in between. They can't have that much in common, right?

Beyond the obvious comparisons that the focal point of both shows is a character named Jack, the real similarity of both shows is a theme of sacrifice. Both Jacks endure a heaping amount of bad shit in order to save the thing they love the most. In the case of Mr. Bauer, what he is protecting would be his country, everything else whether it's his family, friends, or own soul, comes second to the Red White and Blue. Jack Shephard on the either hand sacrifices many of the same things: relationships, sanity, and personal hygiene to save his friends on "The Island", and depending which way you look at it, the world (see the Lost Compasses for that)

But here is where our two Jack's split. 24 ends with our hero, our resident Patriot, bleeding in the streets of New York, betrayed by his country. The last words of the series are "shut it down" and then we scramble the screen and the clock winds down. Jack is alone, after all mental and physical harm he has endured for Lady Liberty, he's left solo, he still has his family, but it's tough to be a Grandpa when goddam Uncle Sam wants to kill you. His sacrifice was pointless. Perhaps 24, once deemed an ultra conservative show, is now telling us that war and counter terrorism leaves both terrorists and the "good guys" like Jack emotional wrecks walking the world with barren souls.

"Lost" on the other hand rewards the sacrifices that Jack with the ultimate prize: peace, love and understanding and a very very happy meet up with his buddies. He's at peace with his father, with his true love (Kate Austen) and with his buddies. His sacrifice was worth it. LOST is telling us that if you sacrifice for your friends, you'll be rewarded in heaven. What a Christian, and depending how you view the political spectrum, "neo-conservative bible belt" point of view.

Yeah I know, like the characters on both Lost and 24 there is a lot of grey area here. No one is completely good or entirely evil. But in the case of these shows, and our beloved Jacks, their only is one happy ending, that is of course until the inevitable  sequel, feature films, and spinoffs.

May 25, 2010

24 Points About 24: 2:00 PM - 4:00 PM

1. First point, here we go, Kiefer such a classy guy. Thanks for thanking us for watching, even if only the even numbered seasons were good. Wait, actually this season is awesome, and it's an even numbered season, so the curse is broken.
2. Michael Madsen has so many damn servers, you'd think he was running the entire network for limewire, bearshare, and kazaa.
3. Jack saved Madsen's life in Damascus. What was Jack doing in Damascus? You know it's ending, and I can't ever do this again, so I hope that Jack was killing vampires and demons in Damascus.
4. If there is one thing FPJ hates, it's the when the press get's abused. You see FPJ has a degree in journalism from Syracuse and also a law degree in First Ammendment litigation from the halls of Harvard or as he says Hevid.
5. I said it last week, Charles Logan is such a rookie. He's still having conversations on cell phones in the accident scene within earshot of everyone. Get your game up Charlie Boy.
6. Charles Logan doesn't know how to quit Jason Pillar or it's the other way around.
7. Love how Jack Bauer's hands are literally bloody in the car with Pillar. You know that P-Meng was losing in shit, maybe literally, when Jack appeared in that back seat.
8. This scene with Dalia Hassan, President Taylor, and the pen is really driving home how far Allison Taylor has fallen in the abyss of evil, and you know what Angel cleans the abyss of filth, angel Bauer
9. I'm not sure why Chloe is talking about email the file to everyone in the government and the media. Just post that shit on the CTU twitter or the CTU facebook page with a hashtag "JUSTIN BIEBER TWILIGHT" and it will blow up quicker than that suicide bomber.
10. "You try to make a move on me, the slightest twitch, I will put a bullet in your brain," says Jack to Pilar. And then he follows it up with "I AM JUDGE AND JURY!" Classic shit right there
11. Meredith Reed being involved this late in the game is a great twist by the writers, a twist, that I didn't see coming.
12. Dalia Hassan vs Allison Taylor, one of the best scenes in 24 history.  I'm making the call right now. Acting, acting, and more acting! Necar Zadegan, the actress playing Dalia Hassan is on point and just when you thought it couldn't get crazier, Cherry Jones as Pres Taylor brings the acting wrath by threatening war!
13. Where are these buildings in New York City where you can just walk through marble hallways with a giant packpack and a pistol? No security cameras or nothing.
14. The word "Russian Bastards" should be used more in action movies and television shows involving spies. It's just so cool, almost as highly ranking as "these nazi bastards."
15. Arlo is one sly son of a bitch, picking up Jack's Bauer reflection in a vending machine selling Appolo bars? That's two finales in a row with vending machines playing key roles.
16. Jack getting on that video chat is a statement to the whole series. He's talking to the viewers, the dedicated folks who've tuned in for eight years, he's explaining his entire philosophy, of the show.
17. Tim Woods is the new Agent Pierce.
18. A fellow CTU Agent points out that the head of the UN, who by the way we haven't seen all season, looks a lot like Tyler Perry.
19. And another fellow CTU agent points out that Logan is always picking out ties, and then agent points out that the fact that Logan is always fixing his tie is a way of showing, not telling us that Logan is obsessed with his appearance. What a dream team of CTU agents I have working with me?
20. Chloe is the head of CTU, she should know better than to go off the grid in high heels and a pant suit.
21. Jack taking out Chloe was disturbing, there's history there, I didn't like it one bit.
22. Then again, I DID LIKE Jack smiling at the end of barrel with Logan's face at the end of it.
23. Honestly I forgot that this Russian President Yuri Suvarov has been featured in past seasons five and six. And man what a surprise that he played a slimy bastard on LOST too. Yes, believe it, he was  psychic Richard Malkin on LOST.
24. My fellow CTU Agents and I are in agreement that the scene where President Logan has nothing to say to the Russian President was actually pretty funny. "So brah, what the shit are we talking about here, you called me up here for nothing?"
25. Jack can't stand see someone put their hands on his real true love - Chloe.
26.  THE RETURN OF THE VAMPIRE BITE! Pillar had it coming.
27.  FPJ you've been through so much today, you've buried bodies in Marshes, engaged in fire fights in docks, and done other wild shit, but you can't stop two stooges from stopping your file transfer, weak FPJ, weak, go back to Wing Commander.
28. Damn, Logan is getting pretty Shakespearean with his description of Bauer "he will claw his way out of the very depths"
29. Jack's video message to President Taylor was a little too hippie for me, but I understand Jack's been through a lot and after 8 days he's developed a little liberal streak, not sure how the network is going to take this.
30. I never would have thought that one of the most tense moments of the season would have been the simple act of signing a treaty
31. The drone finally works! The Drone works! Arlo saved the day!
32. "I would do anything to take back the time" says President Taylor. Not sure if I would, I love every damn hour of this show. Even the bad ones were better than everything else*.
33. It's been real doing these points for you guys these past years, thanks for reading, I appreciate it. So until the movie.

Scramble and countdown to zero

May 24, 2010


So this is how it ends, not with a head spinning twist for people to theorize til the end times, but with with a portrait of our beloved characters painted with beautiful strokes of human emotion.  It was the least physical of the season finales, but the most emotional by far. And lest there is any doubt, IT WAS AMAZING. So what do you say, one last time, we tie a rope around our waists and jump into the heart of The Island.
1. What a wonderful way to wrap it up. I knew something was going on when Jack entered the church and every single religious symbol in the history of time was all over the walls. But boy was I not ready for that end. Now, it's open for theorizing, but as I see it, the flash sideways world was purgatory, and they were waiting for Jack before they could travel on, that's enough right there to make a couple mind melts, and I got the cooking hat on.
2. MIND MELT USING OLIVE OIL INSTEAD OF BUTTER - How great was Ben and Hurley's conversation. "You were a great #2!" says Hurley. Just how long was Hurley the Island Jedi that he wished he was the whole series? Why didn't Ben join them in the church? Did Ben not go in because he thought he wouldn't be welcome? Was he waiting for Walt to show up? Or perhaps could Ben not go inside because The Island wasn't finished with him.
3. MIND MELT HEATING UP, ADD SOME RED ONIONS - Pretty sure that magical Church was the same one that good ol Eloise Hawking used to find the Island in the beginning of season 5.
4. MIND MELT COMPLETE SERVED WITH A SIDE OF CAPE COD POTATO CHIPS - I loved how the end of the series was a direct reference to the fans. The island, the object that you've obsessed over for years, literally fell into the ocean! "Let go" says Christian. It's like Damon and Carlton were saying "hey, look, it's over, and it's ok, you guys can move on to other shows and perhaps move on with your lives, go pick up a new hobby, stop bloggin'."
5. When Desmond goes to the bottom of the Island, I couldn't help but notice the skeletons that littered the groovy architecture. Were these the skeletons of the previous incarnations of the smoke monster? Was the Island built on the foundations of these people's bones. Who were these people? Were they Egyptians? Were they from Atlantis? Oh that one is far out.
6. Way back in April, I spoke about how LOST at it's core is a show about LOVE. And man, what a fulfilling episode in that context. All these people having their connections, realizing past lives, damn, it was like "The Constant" on Steroids!
7. Of course I wanted that battle between Smocked out Locke and Jacob Jack to be even more epic, but let's just be honest, those two are exactly Sayid Jarahhhhhhhh. While both have shown a proficiency in badass fight moves in the past, they both were weakened here, so I'll let it past. Props to Kate Austen for having a very Red Sonja one liner with the whole "I saved a bullet for you" moment.
8. You thought I was done, after the MIND MELT main courses, I now serve you up a little dessert, call it a MIND MELT CREM BRULEE. When Jack is lying there in the jungle with Vincent and he sees the plane fly over. What plane is that exactly? Is that the Ajira flight which Richard "I've never been on a plane before even though I'm old as shit" Alpert on it? Or is it the original Oceanic flight now intact and fine?  
9. And finally, I just want to say what a pleasure it was writing these posts for everyone. I'd like that thank my good friend Dewey, wherever you are brotha for pushing me to blog about Lost. I'd also like to thank all my brothas from school who sent me positive emails of encouragement as the season moved on. Thanks to fellow Bostonian Crit over at fuckyeahlost, for posting my shit. Steve over at Lifting Fog (great LOST poem over there) for challenging me about the show. Thanks to the actual creators for making such a great show too, I guess they deserve to be thanked. I'll have one more Compass for you on Wednesday, where I'll try to answer some lingering questions, but until then:

May 21, 2010

Going Into Lost Weekend Strong

It's official, I'm not ready for LOST to end. I'm going to try to see MacGruber to this weekend to take my mind off it, but that won't help. In the meantime, check out these truly touching words from Hurley about what the show means to him:

I think the time spent under the cast tent on set will be what I'll miss the most. We sang songs to Terry and Naveen's guitar playing, made valiant group efforts to complete a Friday edition of the New York Times crossword puzzle and played a lot of Scrabble.

Amen Hurley


May 20, 2010

Waterworld Re-Strikes Again

May moons ago I wrote a post about why "Waterworld" is almost as good as "Casablanca," and now to my surprise it's clear that Costner's aquatic opus is now taking on legendary status by saving the world. Check out the video below.

Now, just in case you aren't familiar with Waterworld, I present the following legendary video of The Mariner finding a creative way to get fresh water. There is a nice  new electro soundtrack here which is welcome.

Now the bar has really been raised for other 80's stars. Arnold becomes governor Costner saves the oceans. Stallone becomes a painter, Van Damme remains a Universal Soldier. As for Bruce Willis, he's now Tracy Morgan's partner. I've just learned that Costner is also opening up a wolf dance studio , ugh, that one was bad.

May 19, 2010

No Megan Fox in Transformers 3!

It was just announced that Megan Fox will not be returning for Transformers 3. Great news, I found it annoying that Fox thought she was a huge part of the transformers success. Listen I'm here for the robots, the explosions, the vehicles turning into robots, the explosions, the robots, the destruction, and the babes. Which before we forget, it's not like there is a short supply of hot babes for these movies. Check out Isabel Lucas from Transformers 2 below

Garnett Explains Lost

TPG's LOST COMPASS: What They Died For

Welcome to the final Tuesday edition of TPG's LOST COMPASS. It's been a real pleasure writing about LOST for you readers these past couple of months, and now I"m just working on finding my replacement.  You see I've been bringing all of you to the blog for a reason....wait...sorry....thought I was Jacob. Last night's episode titled "What They Died For" was in classic LOST fashion, a set up episode for the finale, but boy, was it good, chock full of answers and awesomeness. So what do you say, we burn some ashes and inhale the fumes of the episode.
1. In the great pantheon of fictional badasses, Desmond ranks somewhere just below James Bond, who carries a number one ranking. This dude bribes cops, sexes up chicks, beats up Linus for fun, is a serious romantic, and can travel between parallel universes. He's CONSTANTLY awesome and has really proven himself as one of, if not the best character on the show.
2. DOUBLE MIND MELT WITH CHIVES - Yeah bet you haven't thrown chives on a grilled cheese before. Tonight we got our first "remember" moment in a while, and how great was it that it came when Desmond was playing fight night with Linus's face. I noticed though the recollection was bathed in a gold hue, the exact same color that lives at the heart of the Island.
3. I loved Jacob's confirmation that he created the monster. The Lost writers have said that no one on LOST is 100% good or evil, and Jacob, white robes at all is not exempt to that. The theme of him killing his own brother and then seeking redemption through healing other wounded souls is a biblical one. Last week we had communion, and tonight had our baptism, with our shepherd of lost souls Jacob, crowning the new protector of the Island Jack Shepard, whoah, did I just sneak a mind melt slider in at ya.
4. When Kate was grilling Jacob about why our characters died, she didn't mention Frank Lapidus and that broke my heart. However some quick research turned up this photo from the LOST writer's office, so it's all good.
5. This concert that is so damn important that Desmond makes Kate change for it on a city block (hey, she wants to change in front of Desmond, see point #1) could potentially be one epic gathering of characters. We already know that Miles, Jack, Charlotte, Claire, Desmond, Kate, Hurley, Sayid are showing up. Assuming that Pierre Chang is Miles' father, he'll be there. Someone is going to track the fugitives, so Sawyer will arrive. Faraday might be playing. You know what I mean, check out the analogy below.

Lost: Seinfeld
Final Concert in Finale: Finale Courtroom Scene in Finale

6. Linus says "It's where I learned I could summon the monster, until I learned it was summoning me." Man, what a head spinning line that was. Is he trying to say that everyone time he used the monster, his soul was blackened? If so, great line. And now, where does Linus stand? The great anti-hero/villian/punching pag of LOST is at a crossroads. Is our little Napoleon working for Smoked out Locke now? Will his flash sideways self learn some tragic truths about his Island self? Will he like his power hungry Island self better?
7. Finally, I leave you friends with a prediction. After all the crazy shit goes down in the finale, and Jack is still the keeper of the Island, I wonder if we'll see a scene way in the future, like floating car future, where Jack is still the boss of the Island but begins the process to pass the cup to someone anew. Time for LOST: The New Generation.

May 17, 2010

24 Points About 24: 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM

1.  Press Secretary Angela Nelson of the United Nations is a pretty fine looking press secretary. On another note, President Logan's choice of a red and blue tie is mediocre at best. Logan, keep it the tie color solid, just straight red or consult this handy website about tie choice.
2.  Nice little shot of what's left over of Pavel, as Pilar said it "Bauer is out for blood," clearly he's out for lots of blood, aka, sangre, aka hemoglobin. Call the Vampires, Jack Blauer needs blood.
3. Jack Bauer has come a long way. Just seven seasons ago Jack Bauer hated the media, and now he's spilling it all out to some journo-reporter who doesn't even work for FOX news. Funny how Jason Bourne in his darkest hours also turned to a reporter. Of course that Bourne reporter got iced, but oh well.
4. You know it just occurred it me, why on earth would President Taylor trust Logan in the first place. This is a dude that both botched being the President and technically being a terrorist. I mean who made him the resident strategist? It's like having Doc Rivers call play for the Patriots; it just doesn't make sense.
5. I can tell how much President Taylor hates Charles Logan. Actually, one part of me really hopes that she finally gets in on some action and teams up with Bauer to take down Logan in one giant United Nations battle royale.
6. Michael Madsen is a fat slug.
7. Bauer has really turned up the heat with the size of Jack sack this season. In the next season the sack will twice the size of him and contain a pile of WMDs.
8. What type of pills is Allison Taylor taking? She planning on popping some ecstasy and hitting up CLUB CTU to hear that banging Armin Van Buuren techno remix of the 24 theme song? I mean they have those windows that turn into any room into a "VIP" area, if you know what I'm saying.

9. Really sad to see good ol Timmy Boy being President Taylor's errand boy. You're better than that Tim! Stand up up for the press. Make S.I. Newhouse school of Public Communications proud.
10. My fellow CTU agents and I are in agreement that Bauer's motorcade attack suit looked very Iron Man esque, in fact I'd say it's a ode to the legendary Mach 1 armor. Please consult here for more information on Iron Man armor modifcations including underwater armor, space armor, and armor made for battling the hulk.
11. Jack Bauer's face kick Logan's guard was clearly a nod to the World Cup fever that is about to sweep through the United States.
12. "Mr. President, get up or I'll kill you right here!" Bauer as The Dark Knight/ The Black Knight/ Big Daddy was pretty damn terrifying.
13. Jack Bauer took President Logan underground, back to hell where he belongs, alright, I'm getting a little to carried away with Jack Bauer vengeance train.
14. You know, no one talks about it, but in all these interrogation scenes, whether it's Logan or Pavlov last week, people are always doing some damn fine acting.
15. If a person had never been to New York and was watching 24 this season as a preview of New York City life, they would assume that New York is 40% streets and 60% dark passageways with lots of indoor wire fencing.
16.  Chloe certainly knows how to put foxy/evil Pilar aids in their place, she's been in this 24 shit too long to let some none-hacker woman boss her around.
17. Love how journalists are shaping up to be heroes during this season of 24.
18. This season could really blast off into the legendary status if Tony Almeida some how re-appeared for the finale.
19. Only in 24 do the Russian henchmen have chinese letters on their necks and are super quick to give up information about guard locations and key card specifics.
20. DAMMMMMMN! Jack got knifed in the chest, didn't even flinch, pulled a quick lil turnaround reversal and promptly stabbed the the henchmen in his chest with his own knife, in almost the same location that Jack stabbed him. That is, dear readers, what I call beautifully violent symetry.
21. FPJ thinks he can put down Jack Bauer? Is he serious? Look FPJ, I like you but, you've been smoking way too many scooby snacks if you think you can take down Bauer.
22. President Logan, you left the show in season 5 and now every time you come back you either get stabbed in the chest or get your ass beat by Bauer. Tough break as a guest star, actually, you're a special guest star.
23. Jack Bauer was really doing work! Mikhail Novakovich has a fire place poker in his chest. Why wouldn't they show us this? Why! Why! Why! If there is any justice in the world this scene will be on the deleted scenes on the DVD.
24. This is two times in a row that Bauer has attached a listening device onto Charles Logan without him knowing it. Come on Logan, you'd think by now you'd learn Bauer's tricks. You are such a rookie.

Summer Movie Smackdown: Babies

Director: Thomas Balmes
Starring: Bayar, Hattie, Mari, Ponijao

Plot? - Four babies. Four Countries. No dialogue, well technically the babies make baby noises. This is a documentary that whimsically follows four babies on four different continents as they grow up.
Reminds You Of?  -  Iron Man 2. Actually, I'm just kidding, babies reminds you of going to the park on a sunny afternoon, putting down a blanket, opening up an intellectually stimulating page turner, drinking some chilled lemonade that has a nice balance of sour and sweet, and munching on some cashews. Just a nice little time, that's all. Beautiful score, cute kids, nice scenery, 86 minutes, and that's all.
Ass Kicking Factor (AKF) - A baby takes a spill after going down a slide. A baby takes a motorcycle ride. A baby messes with a cat. 

Oh Shit Moments (OSM) - The babies poop on screen. I'll let you make your own jokes here.
Memorable Dialogue  - This is not "Look Who's Talking," this is real life. Of course I imagine this movie would be hilarious if the babies had voice over narration as they existed. My dream line up would be Alec Baldwin, Morgan Freeman, Ken Wantanabe, and John Cho.
MOM Factor - This is a movie about babies, I saw it on Mother's day. This is the ultimate MOM movie.
TPG Truth Drop - Babies is a french film that captured American audiences, with it's simple trailer of babies being cute. The credits aren't translated, it's like the filmakers know that people are there for the goods, aka the babies. However, the reason people are so excited about the film is because like all great stories, whether they are massive pictures like "Avatar" or small documentaries like "The Cove" we as people are fascinated by the unknown. And nothing is more unknown to us than ourselves as a baby. You can see pictures, watch videos, and hear stories, but no one remembers being one year old. Seeing babies on screen makes you think "I was like that once, who am I now?"

I enjoyed this film, it was very relaxing. I took a glorious 10 minute nap in the middle and woke up and felt I didn't miss anything. It's a classic Sunday movie. 

May 14, 2010

Have A DNA Weekend

Have a DNA weekend stands for Delicious, Nutritious and Awesome. And yes that is the DNA man from Jurassic Park

Liquid Mountaineering Will Turn Your Mind To Water

Yeah this is positively mind bending. Can't say I'm not surprised though, I mean when you have some super bros who have conquered climbing peaks, base jumping, and other extreme shit, they only thing left to do is run on water, yeah I guess. The other thing that is great about this video are the inevitable follow up videos of people trying to run on water and then failing.

Thanks to the devious twitter hacker Ajmattero for the tip

May 12, 2010

Adjustment Bureau Trailer

Looks like a weaker version of "Inception", but "Inception" looks like a master piece so this doesn't look bad at all.

TPG's Lost Compass: Across the Sea

God dayum! What a crazy ass episode that was. Only LOST would have the courage to kill a whole bunch of it's beloved characters one week and then follow it up the next week with a mind bending episode where none of them appear. Some say it's frustrating, I say it's bold storytelling. And last night's episode entitled "Across the Sea" certainly had a story to tell. My head is still spinning from the implications of it. So what to do you say we grab out decanter, stare into the glowing yellow cave and attempt to be reborn in the enlightenment of LOST

1. So we never got a name for Jacob's brother, eh, big deal, we'll probably never get one. But, let's just be honest here, is he really that bad? Dude just wants to leave. He's been getting screwed over by his Mama's boy of a brother for thousands of years, so of course he's pissed. He builds a well, makes some friends, gets some knowledge then his family rolls in and destroys it all. I feel bad for the guy. By the way he's clearly cooler than Jacob? Jacob sits at home knitting quilts for Mother's approval and this dude is out gambling with his board game, meeting babes from across the sea and solving the mysteries of time and space.

2. ULTRA MIND MELT WITH CHEDDA. The "Mother" was the smoke monster. Let me say that again, the mother is the original smoke monster. No wait TPG, what about the bro on the who dresses in black? Naw, look at the facts

  •  She kills an innocent woman for her childen, with a rock too, that's Jack Bauer shit!
  •  She knows everything (knew about the game, knew he was lying)
  •  She's been killing people on the Island for a long time (she was digging more than one grave)
  •  She tried to kill her own adopted  son (not the nicest thing to do in the world)
  •  She wiped out an entire village of people and burned it to the ground.
  •  In case you can't tell, just like Smoked out Locke said to Kate, she's clearly crazy.
  •  She was killed by a special knife by someone who didn't let her speak a word to her. After this   happened her smoke monster self was freed from it's human form and came roaring out of that cave.
  •  She assumed the form of Jacob's brother because the smoke monster appears as dead people.

3. The glowing cave is nothing we haven't seen before. It's the electro magnetic energy that we've been dealing with since we first saw the Hatch. The sound of the golden stuff is even the same. I find this new way of looking at what's underneath the island as very cool. People, whether it's the man in black, whoever re-built the well, the others, the Dharma Initiative, or present day Widmore and Zoe have been trying to get at the "pockets of electro-magnetic energy" for a long long time. I believe that Widmore knows how to kill the smoke monster using this energy, see point #5 last week for more on that.
4. MIND MELT PART 2 - The mother seemed to be protecting the "source" aka the glowing cave on the Island. Now before, in the Richard Alpert centric episode "Aeb Eterno" we learned that the Island is a cork, keeping the bad stuff in. Now, last night the essence of the island was described as the super heady beatnik sufer brah fantastic thing known as "the, death, and rebirth," which doesn't sound that evil to me. However, perhaps this great glowing gold is not to be obtained by anyone, it's the forbidden fruit, it's the apple in center of the Island of Eden. Yeah, I said it the Island is Eden.
5. Continuing on this religious tip, if the Island is Eden, than the "mother" is well Eve. She ended up stuck there, banished from the glowing goodness of the cave, because like everyone she arrived by "accident."  Her accident, eating that damn apple or, or drinking that fine fine wine, the same wine she gave to Jacob to trap him in the cycle. Her going in that hole was original sin, it ruined her life, trapped her (No wonder she was so happy when she died). I wonder if she was egged on to go in by someone, perhaps a person who wanted to see what is was. After all, man corrupts, hey, that's what she said. And in case you didn't know that she was Eve, the writers, really really spelled it out for you at the end of the episode.
6. And finally we're only one episode away from the finale. And man, I couldn't be more satisfied with LOST right now. It's clear that the writers are making a major play to tackle some serious themes here, and I love it. Does man corrupt man? Are we born blank slates or Tabula Rasas (link to episode)? How do the philosophies or Locke, Rouseau, Hume, Bentham and others relate to show? Are we men of science or men of faith (link to episode)? Do you believe in God or in reason? These are things that Lost is trying to answer, and I applaud them for making the effort, and hey I guess I'm a man of faith, cause I think they're going to pull it off. And for all you haters out there....see below

May 11, 2010

24 Points About 24: 12:00PM - 1:00 PM

 This guy is either really upset about American Idol or getting his chest cut open by Jack Bauer

1. How convenient that Dana Walsh managed to hide a camera in some location, but successfully managed for it to be shaky cam. Who was holding it?
2.  I wonder how Michael Madsen feels about being the new Chloe.
3.  When are the people who work at CTU going to learn that no one gets ahead there but following protocol. Chloe has been been breaking protocol for years, and she got promoted.
4. Michael Madsen has enough computer equipment to produce the Toy Story sequel, record the new Jay-Z disc, and program the new HALO video game.
5. Love how the evil Russian dude is dressed like a college professor in his photo that appears in the Matrix, I mean, Michael Madsen's computer system.
6. The foxy blond reporter (who in real life is married to Jon Hamm) seems to be just fine considering early today she was tortured at the UN and her hubby got killed by terrorists. Just a day in the life of  New York City reporter
7. How many different types of bluetooths are on this season of 24. I've counted at least 6 different varieties of headsets. I guess each character archetype deserves a different model
8. Damn, CTU really is like a night club. They have windows that become "less public" aka the champagne room. You know, you're hanging out with your hot hacker babe girlfriend who may or may not be a mole, and you need a little private "hacking time." You either hit the server room or you use the special windows, end of story.
9. Thank god SPRINT CREATES A MOBILE HOT SPOT for Chloe. This is the biggest product placement in 24 history. I really hoped that Chloe said something like "it creates a mobile hotspot and it has free nightime calling and unlimited texts, get to work."
10. Chloe talks to some CTU stooge about collecting time cards. You're telling me that CTU is so damn high tech yet they still use paper time cards. And by the way, why aren't these CTU geniuses paid on salary?
11. FPJ says "they're no good guys here," yeah no kidding buddy. You certainly aren't a good guy considering just a couple of hours ago you were stashing bodies in marshes.
12. President Logan really has lost it, he's just calling random Russian hit men on his cell phone now? I mean what's next, he's going to be poisoning the President's food himself?
13. Jason Pilar is the spiritual successor to Rob Weiss. They both are the uber-shady white dudes who work for shady people.
14. President Logan is such a slimy little shit, trying to get his face time for the treaty.
15. For the second there, I thought the reporter girl was going to ambushed and sniped by a perfume girl. She comes around the corner and then BAM someone hits her with the Este Lauder.
16. Jack Bauer is THE PREDATOR he can't be seen on cameras, and when he is scene he vanishes into the night, or uh, the department store.
17.  Nice little mall shoot out for Jack there, reminded me of this scene from Commando:

18. Man, I love how Logan is really turning up the heat on killing Bauer, of course you know this means that Bauer is going to have kill Logan, and boy is it going to be sweet.
19. The program that Chloe is running of Jack's associates looks exactly like a GUESS WHO program. Chloe first asks if it it's a man or a woman, then if they are wearing a hat, then ummm depending how bold she's feeling, she asks if they have a mustache, and then it's off into the great beyond.
20. Why is Meredith Reed trying to talk Jack Bauer out of torturing somebody? As a CTU agent points out, she clearly is some type of bleeding heart liberal who works for the Huffington Post. Now if she was FOX news journalist, it would be a different story.
21. You know you're getting some graphic torture violence when they give you the "viewer discretion advised" during a commercial break.
22. Pilar should honestly just say "Bauer is armed and extremely dangerous and none of you guys stand a chance against him so yeah, if you find him, just tweet about it or call me and then pray you don't get iced and strung up on a laundry bag"
23. Whenever Jack needs someone to talk he consults his medieval torture table and then grabs his convienently placed blowtorch and starts roasting marshmallows, I mean, Russian flesh.
24. Best ending of the season yet. Jack gets Charles Logan's voicemail after he calls the number on the the sync card  he ripped out of the dude's chest. Amazing! Oh yeah, that Russian dude was stop two on the Bauer vengeance train.
25. Yes A 25th, point. 24 is really kicking ass right now!

May 7, 2010

Have A Tony Stark Weekend!

I could have been blinded how fun Iron Man 2 but this scene wasn't in the film. You know what that means........hello special features

Summer Movie Smackdown: Iron Man 2

Director: Jon Favreau
Starring: Robert Downey Jr, Mickey Rourke, Don Cheadle, Sam Rockwell, Scarlett Johansson, Gwyneth Paltrow and Samuel L. Jackson.

Plot? - Iron Man, as in Tony Stark himself, not the movie, is starting to rust, aka DIEEEE. That groovy ring of piece thing in his chest is sucking the life force out of his body, how existential . The US Government (portrayed by sleazy senator Gary Shandling) wants his technology. Rival arms dealers wanna get in on the iron men business and some creepy Russian dude who talks to birds wants to make him bleed. The general plot contains all of these elements working together like a well oiled machine.
Reminds You Of?  -  It's a lot like Iron Man 1, except with less heart. The heart has been replaced with bigger more charismatic characters and higher stakes. This lack of a serious emotional core is both a good and a bad thing, but honestly once the shit starts blowing up, it doesn't matter.
Ass Kicking Factor (AKF) - With characters named "Iron Man," "Whiplash," and "War Machine," did you really think this movie wouldn't kick ass? Also take a look at those robots/people/machines above? This isn't "Letters to Juliet," this is IRON MAN! 
Oh Shit Moments (OSM) - The entire movie is a oh shit moment. Done.
Memorable Dialogue  - The movie is packed with charismatic actors who supposedly ad-lib from a witty script by Justin Theroux. Downey Jr's Tony Stark and Rockwell's Justin Hammer (who by the way might be metaphors for Bill Gates and Steve Jobs) own every single scene they are in. Say what you want, but it's clear that all the actors in the film are having an absolute blast. Mickey Rourke is playing a character who's so damn weird he's creepy and seems to be enjoying it.
MOM Factor - Low. I mean this is a fun film, but as one as my buddies points out, this is a straight up MAN'S movie. Stuff blows up, AC/DC roars on the soundtrack, there are extended montages of people building things in garages, their are race cars, there are lasers, gun fights, babes, and lots lots of explosions. Mom's aren't generally into things like this. Dad's on the other hand....
TPG Truth Drop - Iron Man 2 is the ultimate summer movie flick. This film is pure cinematic popcorn goodness. Don't believe the negative reviews, you will have an absolute blast. The third act is a brilliant example of modern day action directing and how special effects, sound design, characters, and plot can all build to one mind blowing set piece. Iron Man 2 totally delivers all the goods.

Note: I didn't even mention all the super awesome references to Captain America, The Avengers, and Thor. And don't worry there are many and they are fresh as hell.

May 6, 2010

Twas The Night Before Iron Man

Twas the night before Iron Man, when all through the land
The fan boys were stirring, making costumes by hand.
The tickets were pre-ordered weeks ahead with care,
In hopes that the credit card didn't mess up when they got there.

The fanboys were nestled all snug in their seats,
While hopes of Tony and Rhodey bringing the heat.
And Tony in red and yellow, Rhodey and black and gray,
Soon Iron Man 2 would be coming out our way.

When out on the lobby there arose such a clatter,
I ran from the theatre to see what was the matter.
Spilling my popcorn I ran like the flash,
Tore open the shutters hoping it wasn't Whip-Lash.

The moon on the breast of the Arc Light lobby
Everyone in costume, damn we need a new hobby.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a brand new Mach IV suit, hovering o' so near.

It landed quick with so much of a spark,
I knew in a moment it must be Tony Stark.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Ant-Man! Now, War-Machine! Now, Black Widow and Thor!
On, Hulk! On, Fury! on, on Captain America and more!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now Avengers Assemble! Avengers Assemble! Assemble now all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the parking-lot the coursers they flew,
It was Iron Man us and now, oh what we would do.

And then, in a clanking, the face plate came up
Tony Stark asked for a drink and said what's up.
I pulled a Keystone, so smooth and so clear,
Tony looked at me, and said, Iron Man don't drink no beer!

He was dressed all in iron, from his head to his toes,
Get me some whiskey! He said I wanna share it with my bros.
A bundle of weapons had been added to his suit,
And had blasters in his hands, and weapons in his boot.

His eyes flittered! Looking crazily about!
Face plate dropped down, and he said watch out!
Through the ceiling game Vanko with his electro whips
They snapped crackled and popped and Whiplash licked his lips.

I thought I finished you in the film, Stark said with a smile
Randy The Ram, I mean Whiplash laughed like an evil chil'.
Right there in the lobby they engaged in a brawl,
Real life super heroes battling for the enjoyment of all!

Just when it looked like Iron Man was in trouble,
He pushed a button and War Machine arrived on the double!
The shoulder cannon made quick work of the Russian,
With Vanko out of commission, the theatre was bustlin' .

Tony Stark lifted his hands just like at the Expo,
Free popcorn, candy, and booze for all, come now lets go.
And with expert coordination came his assistant Miss Potts,
And what a surprise also came Natasha in her leopard spots!

We went to theatre, to view the film on the screen,
Stark pointed out it's good to be back, he's living the dream.
Up came a roar and out when the light,
"Hell Yeah! Iron Man 2 Tonight!"

So some of my rhythms and rhymes are off, but just like Tony in Iron Man, I had to work with what I had. He had spare parts in a cave, I had ye old Christmas poem and two hours. Just wait for the Avengers poem. I'll be giving you the whole Iambic pentameter.

May 5, 2010

Machete Trailer! Politics! De Niro! Alba! Cinco De Mayo

Este trailer esta loca.

TPG's LOST COMPASS: The Candidate

Let me put down my tissues, I'm still recovering from night's episode entitled "The Candidate." It was episode ripe with references to the past and full of deep character moments, and some kick ass action. There are only two episodes left before the two hour finale and once again, I'm a little perplexed on where this whole thing is going. So what do you say we strap our on backpacks (the one with the supplies, not the C4) and trek into into the jungle to find some truth in last night's shocking episode.

1. Sure, it's damn sad that all those great characters had to die, but let's just be honest, they aren't really dead. With the exception of Frank Lapidus, everyone who died on the submarine exists in the flash sideways, so it's not as depressing as say, Charlie Pace's death. As for Lapidus, I'm sure he's around in the flash sideways world. He's hanging out at Jimmy Buffet concert drinking coronas and burning joints, not randomly appearing at hospitals to face his greater destiny. In other words, don't worry about him, he's doing fine.

2. My biggest question of the episode is whether or not Jack and Locke had their island "flash" at the end of the episode in the hospital. Locke was saying "I wish you had believed me" in his sleep and when Jack repeated that line to him when he was leaving, he gave the good ol Doc one crazy look. My guess is that Jack has already had his flash sideways moment, we haven't seen it, perhaps even he's known his purpose for a long time, but for the paralyzed Locke, in that moment, he saw something. Things definitely aren't done between Jack and Locke in any timeline, these two, these men of science, these men of reason, these men of faith, are the core of the show. Great to see them sparring again.

3. CHEER UP: Hey it wasn't all sad. Did you guys check out that very groovy stair case leading onto the Ajira plan, somebody certainly had a lot of time. And how about that the fact that the wolfman's brotha Desmond is alive at the bottom of well. Any time Desmond is confirmed alive is good news for all. Also, how happy and calm is Jack in the flash sideways. He's a man complete.

4. MIND MELT: Just who is "The Candidate" that the title refers to. Sawyer, Hurley, and Jack were on the cave and lighthouse so it has to be one of those three. I'm going with Jack. Not only because he's the main character of the show, but also because of this simple tantalizing detail. Remember at the very start of the series, Jack is alone in the jungle, away from everybody else. He alone is the jungle the others on the beach. I believe that when this whole show ends, Jack somehow, will be right back on the jungle, alone, the candidate is now the leader, elected. He'll walk onto the beach and will see nothing. It only ends once.

5. DOUBLE MIND MELT WITH A SIDE OF REDEMPTION: Charles Widmore will end up being a deciding figure in the happy ending for all the characters. First introduced as a roadblock to Desmond and Penny's true love and even a full fledged villain season 4, he will be the one who knows how to connect the two timelines. He's known this for a long time (thanks to his son and continued research, remember this girl) perhaps even way back to the point where he didn't want his daughter to meet Desmond, because he knew at some point, he was going to have to microwave his ass to save the entire universe. "Sorry daughter, you know I love you, but I gotta toast your husband."

6. ACLU OBVSERVATION: With the exception of Walt, LOST has now killed off every minority character who's ever been on the show since season one. Sayid, got blown up, terrible way to go. Jin and Sun, drowned, not to great. Michael.....another explosive death. Eko....smacked down to the ground by smokie. Ana Lucia....iced by a bullet. Miss Klugh....another date with a bullet. in the jungle somewhere, alive? That tall black dude from The Wire who may have been working for Jacob....more bullets, enough for a pepperoni pizza....with bullets (if you don't get that go here) Who am I missing?

7. LOST, for all it's mysteries and theories really knows how to pull on your heart strings huh? That story Locke told about flying with his Dad, the one thing he wanted so desperately in the other time line is real gut wrenching stuff. I'm going to miss having a TV show make me feel like this. Can't wait for next week, and in the meantime enjoy this LOST techno remix.

May 4, 2010

24 Points About 24: 11:00AM- 12:00PM

1. I just noticed now that the big map at the United Nations looks like a prop some crafty FOX production assistants stole from the set of "Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego"
2. Necar Zadegan, who plays Dalia Hassan, just painted Cherry Jones into a corner. Necar really bringing it hard on the acting front. And whoah, she was on LOST?
3. I don't know what's worse, getting water boarded or getting water boarded by a dude with a mustache.
4. A fellow CTU agent points out that usually during waterboarding the victim's eyes are covered. Uhh, thanks for the fact point buddy, but hey fellow CTU Agent, how the hell do you know that shit?
5. FPJ says "you're a son of a bitch" and Jack goes "yeah I know!" Very cool line Mr. Bauer, you are one tough son of bitch indeed, god am I going to miss you.
6. Man, I really thought Jack was going to toss that guard off the building to his death below, in fact I'm super disappointed he didn't. When are we getting that skyscraper toss death? Come on now, we're really ruining out of time.
7. Jack got that AREA 51 video game accuracy when it comes to shooting. And just like in AREA 51 Jack conveniently shoots the bad guys as they wildly run around corners.
8. The cutaways shots of the random CTU staff is a multi-ethic pleathora of staffers. You see when you have evil Muslim terrorists, cold war era Russians and Water boarding you gotta have a diverse group of people to appease all the "hippies" in Hollywood
9. I really hope that this IS ABOUT REVENGE and not about truth. 24 is ending. I want an epic finale. How epic? A fellow CTU agent suggests Jack tossing President Taylor off the empire state building. Yeah I'll take that, only if Jack takes down some fighter planes after and then falls to his death.
10. That note that President Taylor received during the press conference basically said "you are screwed."
11. Nice reference that Charles Logan makes to the "Daniels Administration" of the highly forgettable season 6.
12. The aide that the Russian diplomat Mikhail brings in with him, I believe his name is Mikhail Tokshelf, is the shadiest looking politician ever. Granted he's Russian and clearly evil, but still, they let this dude walk around the UN? He'd would get stopped in a second. "Hey excuse mr don't I recognize as from every James Bond flick ever, you played the bad guy's henchman...."
13. President Logan really missed a great opportunity by getting back into politics. He should have joined the legendary Southern Cali bank robbers, "The Ex-Presidents."
14. FPJ, dude, I love ya and you've done a great job this season. But stop clenching your job so much bro. Serioulsy you're going to have an annueryism
15. Chloe needs to stop delegating and start regulating. Doesn't she know that no one at CTU has her technical skills.
16. I love how even though 24 is ending, they still feel the need to sneak in the foxy government aids. I can see the writers now, "no, wait, the guy's assistant is a another dude, can't we find a way to get a smoking hot aide to hand him tablet computers"
17. Dana Walsh's back story delivered in a speech, what are you serious?   The really missed a big chance to talk about her past on the Galactica
18. Man, I hated Dana Walsh all season, and now that she has evolved into full fledged villain, I'm not gonna lie, I really like it.
19. Come on FPJ, you fell for the old exploding box trick. Got Ricky Schroeder back in season 6 and now it gets you.
20. Wouldn't be a 24 episode without some convient product placement for Cisco systems.
21. Since they have full access to the bank's security system you'd think they'd see the blonde girl with the exploding box and the gun popping employees. That's a unforgivable plot vortex.
22. "Do You Know Who I Am?" Says Jack! Hell yeah we do. That's a point all itself.
23.  Dana Walsh is an everyday Nico Bellic, shooting random New Yorkers in the street. By the way, love that they clearly shot these scenes on location.
24.  I'd like to welcome Dana Walsh to the Jack Bauer Vengeance tour 2010. You are the first stop on a train that leads all the way to the top.

May 3, 2010

Mountain Devil Prank Fails Horribly

Last October I wrote about one of my favorite internet videos, the "Fallen Angel" video from Mexico. No it's not the same of some a Poison song, it's a crazy real video of some hermanos finding something terrifying in the woods in Spain. The whole thing was very well done, and you can read about how they faked it here.

And now in this digital age we have a new video. Entitled "Mountain Devil Prank" goes terribly wrong, this video takes the concept of a fake video about a creature based in local folklore and pushes it to the max. There are two fake outs and by the end, well, check it out and see.

I gotta hand it to the creators Chad Matt and Rob, they've done a great job. Check out more of their videos here.