January 29, 2010

Edge of Darkness & The Return of Mel Gibson The Vengeful Badass

Edgah of Dahhhhknass Brah

The new film "Edge of Darkness" is one bloody welcome back party for all folks involved. Of course, it's a welcoming back party for Mr. Gibson who is very comfortable in his role as badass Boston cop Craven (what a cool name). Yet,  Mr. Gibson is far from the only good thing going on with the film. The direction, by the underrated and almost transparent director Martin Campbell is tight, focused, and thrilling. And finally it's a great ensemble thriller, full of actors who always deliver the goods but have never really gotten the recognition they deserve.

The big story regarding the film is Mel Gibson, and don't worry he doesn't disappoint. When looking at his body of work, it's clear he's the most happy when playing psychos with nothing to lose and large list of people to kill. The only thing that's different here is after he kills someone, he's out of breath and has to lie down (he literally is getting too old for this shit). At the start when he's playing the caring Father, he's a little hard to buy, it's almost like Mel as an actor is waiting till he gets to start throwing suckas around. But don't worry, once he does start regulating, he does it well, Warren G and Nate Dogg style.

As the viewer, there is one man to thank for the action to be so satisfying: director Martin Campbell. While many people don't know his name, his movies read like a list of action classics: Casino Royale Mask of Zorro, and Goldeneye. He works with cinematographer Phil Meheux to create environments full of restrained colors and pale characters (which totally reflect the tone of the piece brah). Boston does not come across as some yuppie city here, it's dark full of shady folks with souls hovering on the edge of uh, well you know.

But a film like this does needs actors who can handle the material, and Campbell has assembled a fine team. Danny Huston from "Children of Men" & "The Constant Gardner" absolutely destroys every scene, seeping evil and menace like Satan himself. Ray Winstone who replaced Robert De Niro after Robert couldn't learn his lines, also shines as a shady government fixer. All in all it's an ensemble cast doing strong work.

"Edge of Darkness" is not "Taken" in Boston, it's a slow burning hyper realistic thriller that satisfies in the strength of it's payoffs. This isn't some slam damn action movie with an pounding sequence every 10 minutes (that would be Mel's new movie: "Cold Warrior"), it's a rewarding thriller that grabs you, pulls you to the precipice, and then reminds you that no one does vengeance like good ol Melly Mel.

January 28, 2010

This Deez Life Part 2

Over a year ago I wrote about how much I enjoy going to McDonalds, aka The Deez, aka the mecca of instant satisfaction and delayed regret over calorie intake. Now I return to the fast food that keeps me going.

1. McDonalds (McDeez, The Deez, Deez)- The world's largest hamburger chain is still the big boss in my book. However recently I've learned a shocking facts about the nature of the beast. A Sri Lankan man told me that Deez burgers are so specifically engineered to taste that if you eat them upside down they taste completely different, in other words they are no palindromic burgers. Of course I don't have the courage to flip a Big Mac upside down but hopefully I know someone who is.

2. Taco Bell (Tac_Bell, The Bell, The Tac, and THE BEEZ)- First rule of the Bell is don't mess with the burritos, if you want something filling go to Chipotle (which was once owned by McDonalds). The reason Taco Bell ranks so high up on the list is basically because of one item and one item alone: The Chalupa. I have probably eaten over 103 of these things in my life, and damn are they succulent. Of course I don't know the difference between a Chalupa or a Gordita or a Baja or a Supreme or even the difference between Taco Bell Steak, Taco Bell Chicken, or Taco Bell Beef, I just know that Chalupas are dammmn tasty, guy.

3. Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC, The Colonel)- Don't get confused by this "new" baked chicken or grilled chicken or popcorn chicken, the only real thing KFC has got going for it is the biscuits! You stop by KFC and you don't get a biscuit, that's like going to the movie theatre, getting popcorn, and then leaving before showtime, honestly, what's the point? The biscuit defines the restaurant, the chicken, eh, it's alright, no better than Popeyes, but lo, the biscuit, lo the biscuit!

4. Sonic (um Sonic, that's all) - You'd think, based of the large amount of commercials these guys have they would be easy to find. But no, finding a Sonic is like finding the Wizard in Where's Waldo. Sometimes he's really easy to spot, BAM, there's the staff, and a tall pointy dude standing among the Aztecs, but the other part of the time he's impossible to find. But hey now, when you find a Sonic, particularly one at Happy Hour (2-4PM), consider the light of fast food deities shining on you brah. The drink menu at this place is deeeeeaaaap guy, every combination of tea, lemonade, shake, and soda you can imagine is available at half price. There was a summer where I had sonic every day, this was also the summer I got filthy good at volleyball, the two are linked.

5. In-N-Out Burger (The most overrated burger chain in California) The most hyped restaurant in California and perhaps the world. When I first traveled to LA in January of 2008, all people were talking about was when we were gonna go to In-N-Out. Now I have one next to my home, next to my office, and next to my home office, and you know what, it's just alright. The secret menu is a gimmick, the fries have nothing on Deez fries, and the shakes are not mind melting either. I'm not saying it's terrible, it's just not as blessed as it you'd be lead to believe. Speaking of blessed are you aware that there are BIBLE PASSAGES ON ALL THE WRAPPERS?

In other news, my 2010 diet/Conan Work out Plan is going decently well.

The Jack Chop

January 27, 2010

Jack Bauer Infiltrates Apple To Get His Hands On An Ipad

Meet Steve Jobs: New Director of CTU
While the rest of the internet/world/galaxy/universe/citizens of the Men In Black marble playing aliens world lose their minds over the "Ipad," America's best counter terrorist agency is getting their hands on it first. According to the Tech Crunch blog, the tablet will be appearing on upcoming episodes of 24. Check out this quote from Rodney Charters, director of photography on the show:
“Hmmmm looks like we may get an iSlate into Jacks hands for Ep 20 getting giddy with excitement”
“Got a bit too excited probably more likely Episode 22 but Apple provided fingers crossed”
Oh boy, thank God Apple is working with Jack, I couldn't handle if they sided with the Russians or whatever villains reveal themselves as the season goes on. Let's hope Chloe can handle the new technology.

January 26, 2010

Harry Potter Will Finish The Fight In 3D!!

Warner Brother's just announced that the upcoming films of Deathly Hallows will be in 3D. Can't wait to see that Battle for Hogwarts popping off all around me. Check out this article from the Hollywood Reporter

Early 3D-conversion tests on Warners’ remake of “Clash of the Titans” have gone so well that -- combined with boosted enthusiasm for 3D in the wake of the “Avatar” tsunami -- the Burbank studio has decided to release not only “Titans” but also the two-part “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” in 3D.

Looks like Potter just said Avada Kedavra to the competition.

January 25, 2010

24 Points About 24: 8:00-9:00PM

Have You Seen My Brother, Jason Schwartzman? He's Got A Phantom Planet CD For Me. It's Good for Romancing Russian Women

1.  Kamistan is the country that the 24 writers come up, I'm buying it, but it would have been cooler if it was spelled "CosmicStan" and had some link to the stars or aliens.
2.  Only a dude that had to endure a full season of "Heroes" could relate the struggle of dude dieing of radiation poison in the refrigerator at a shady Russian club.
3. Indian Jason Schwartzman + two Russian prostitutes = First threesome in 24 history, it's a shame it wasn't between Kim, Renee, and Nadia from season 6 (I'm sorry about that one Mom)
4. Technically Chloe has been working on Jack's cover profile for 20 minutes, which is 24 time is an eternity, but I understand, creating a cover for Jack Bauer is difficult task.
5. Dana Walsh-Jenny Scott-Ex-Convict-Accomplice to murder-Wife to be of FPJ-romantic interest of Arlo-and MOST STUPID CHARACTER  IN 24 HISTORY.

6. For Russian's the best pain medication is vodka, and now Renee won't even let him have it, jeez, I hate to be her kids on Christmas, she wouldn't give them anything.
7. The people who make 24 still have to understand that at 8:19PM in New York City there is traffic  and no one just wears their sun glasses at night and just cruises around.
8. The ads for "Edge of Darkness" make me dream of the day that the Jack Bauer 24 Hour becomes a feature length film.
9. Anil Kapoor brings it very hard on the acting front in every single scene he's in, and he rocks a pretty sick nasty goatee, what a combo.
10. Vodka is the cure all tonic for Russians, this dude gets his thumb sawed off, pops a bottle of Grey Goose and is strutting down the streets like a boss 30 minutes later.
11. It's funny how all the villain henchmen in this season could also be in sixties rock bands and now are studio musicians in New York city.
12. The only thing that could remedy this absolutely horrendously terrible Dana Walsh, wanna be Eric Dane meets AJ Soprano, would be if J Sully from Avatar burst through the wall on Tarok Mak'Tu and took everyone to Pandora where they were judged in front of Eywa, and Eywa told them, you're plot line sucked, go stand under home tree while it collapses.
13. Buddy of mine points out that during our little domestic drama scene the bro from Beaumont is just chilling in the back watching football and holding the remote like he's Harry Potter wielding a wand.
14. The subplot about Renee's dark experience while undercover is one of the most mature story line 24 has tackled and the show is all the better for it.
15. Having Chloe feed Jack feed Renee information is a great spin on the usual 24 and shows how the writers still have some tricks up their sleeves. Also props to episode director Brad Turner for executing the scene so well.
16. The doctor who the Russian bros go see looks like a hipster Daniel Day Lewis.

17. What came first CTU Director Hastings or CTU Director Hasting's bluetooth? By the way check out this bluetooth ancestor on the right>>>>>
18. Any episode where Jack spends a majority of his time in a talking in his car is not a great episode.
19. Jack got two dammits in two this episode, I wish there were more.
20. The color tone in the episode is unusual for 24. It's a stark shade of vibrant autumn reds and oranges and muted greens and grays.
21. Ahhh, Jack Bauer hears Renee's speech about living an empty life in his earpiece and realizes that she is basically explaining Jack's own life. Heavy....brah....heavy.
22. The last scene saved the entire episode.
23. What we got here is a classic case of a television show that spent all of it's budget on the premiere and didn't have any ideas left for the 5th episode.
24. Once again, I don't like repeating points but I'm pretty sure Bauer was in the car for 98% percent of the episode.

Spartacus: Blood and Sand or "Gladio300"

 Just in case you were wondering, that thing in top right corner is not a tomato sauce stain from a lazy editor, it's a splash of plasma, vital fluid, or as the Chinese say 魔鬼血. Now if you don't speak Chinese, I'm talking about blood, which is pretty much all the new Starz show "Spartacus: Blood And Sand" is  about. Yeah, there also is a generous amount of foul language, gratuitous nudity, soft core porno sex, and terrible dialogue.
     Of course, I don't really think the creators or anybody really care that the story is weak and the dialogue would make the Roman philosophers weep for the spoken word, I mean, after all the show is called "Blood and Sand." You see, the good folks at Starz realize that we just like the crowds in the Roman Empire want to see blood, fighting, and ummm, sand mixed with blood. 
      The first episode ends with our hero Spartacus, (who used to be a solider, his wife was taken from him, now he's a slave blah, blah, you know the deal...)   getting his "Gladia300" on. "Gladia300" refers to the ultra violence from the film "300" with the setting and characters of "Gladiator." And, let me make one thing clear, "300" and "Gladiator" are the bomb.com, in fact they are very influential movies in my life (how, I'm not saying, but maybe,I have a secret hobby of playing Roman role playing games on the third saturday of each month in Pasadena).
     So, yeah, Spartacus, I'm a fan. I'll see you next week, blood, sand, and everything else you wanna throw at me.

January 19, 2010

Marc Webb To Direct Spider Man 4

We've been following the Spider Man 4 saga for a while now. Today it was announced that Marc Webb, the director of "500 Days of Summer" will direct the a younger web slinger in his next outing. This is great news because he's a fresh young talent who will re-invigorate the franchise. This is also slightly strange because Marc Webb is a fan of dance sequences and dance sequences really perplexed everyone when they showed up to see Spider Man 3.

So hopefully we will have less of this

And More of This

January 18, 2010

24 Points About 24: 6:00-8:00PM

1. I'm calling it now, this blonde tech girl at CTU with the shady past is the new Jeanine Garafalo, aka the  bane of 24 fans existence last season.
2. Doug Hutchison, the actor who plays the bad guy with the vague misplaced Euro accent, also played a similar character in "Punisher: War Zone," a film where the protagonist doesn't speak for the first 35 minutes.
3. It would have been cooler if Jack had proved his cred to the "basketball players with information" by beating them in a quick game of 21, and not just offering his money and flashing his piece.
4. Why the hell is 24 wasting our time with jean jacket rocking ex boyfriends when he could be watching Jack Bauer destroy terrorist stooges?

5. Freddie Prinze Jr. is holding it down on this show, can't say I'm not surprised, after all good ol FPJ had it on lock down in "Wing Commander"
6. The director of CTU is one of the most interesting characters on the show. He's smart and acts on his convictions, but he's also flawed, which makes him more human. (Note, he's Bubba from Forrest Gump).
7. I love how when you come back from the commercial break they just show the New York City skyline just so we know that this season of 24 TAKES PLACE IN NEW YORK CITY!!
8. What the hell did Omar Hassan do to the Indian Jason Schwatzman during their childhood to make him so mad he'd betray him to die a fiery death by New York City exploding manhole.
9. I'm so surprised that 24 has not thought of the bomb in the manhole cover before, well done, 24 creative kill master minds, you've outdone yourself, and you even had an axe kill yesterday.
10. The other bodyguard in Hassan's entourage is the Indian Nicky Katt, and I'm pretty sure that 23.5% of my readers know who Nicky Katt is.
11. Freddie Prinze Jr grew some monster balls between this season of She's All That and 24. "I'm in the southwest corner of the building pursuing the assassin....he's with me now." Damn boyee, joining that Jack Bauer wanna be club, it's a dangerous spot, let's hope you can survive the season.
12. The Russians are the bad guys, looks like these people have been watching "Red Dawn" too much and logging way too many hours playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 single player.
13. Chloe waits anxiously for Jack to return from the mission. Talk about a girl who is permanently stuck in "friend zone" with the man of her dreams.
14. You want access to exclusive content on the SPRINT network, quickly abandon your current cell phone provider who provides solid coverage, join sprint, who I'm sure has a whack coverage map, and then, and only then can you get 24 content. 
15. Agent Renee Walker has gone full Eastern Promises on us, it's all in her eyes, they speak of wild things.
16. Also looks like Renee Walker been hitting some of that Jack Bauer season 3 heroin.
17. The acting chops of Annie Wersching and Kiefer Sutherland during the scene where the suicide attempts come to the surface are a perfect example of how good the acting and writing CAN be on 24.

18. Jack Bauer going undercover as an arms dealer is like Tom Brady going undercover as a shortstop in the Red Sox training camp, I mean everyone in the world knows who he is, how can that work?
19. Nothing ruins up the food storage at an Russian nightclub like a  gangster dying of radioation poisining like he's George Mason.
20. Renee Walker and Jack Bauer cruising to an undercover operation and bickering in the car like two married lover with a history. "You don't trust me," "No, I do." What comes next, "How do you think Kim is handling marriage?"
21. This crazy ex-boyfriend with the goatee storyline is a waste of time, just like the fake pregnancy on Glee, ahhh, I knew this moment where Glee and 24 meet in my mind would come eventually.
22. It would be hilarious if the ex boyfriend just stayed in the apartment for the entire remaining 20 hours calling sporadically and throwing pictures around. During the finale you cut to the apartment and the dude is just asleep and everything in the apartment is broken.
23. Look, I know I have some female readers, but I gotta say it, former FBI agent current russian undercover junkie Renee Walker is looking sizzling! Damnnnnn!
24.  Dude just got his hand sawed off, yeah, I'm hooked.

24 Points About 24: 4:00-6:00PM

1. Right out the gate with the New York City crack heads, holding nothing back here FOX, I guess that's how you establish that the location is New York City, fill it with crack heads.

2. The dude in the red sweatshirt looks like Jake Busey's son, aka Son of Busey, aka the guy from Contact who destroys the alien portal machine.
3. Where in New York City is so  little traffic that cars can just do spins in the street without any problems.
4. Jack's granddaughter has a polar bear stuffed animal and is watching a show about Polar Bears, which is clear nod to Lost, oh man, cue the cross over.
5. Kim Bauer's fiance, aka Steven, looks exactly like Theo Epstein, I have no idea how such a pansy looking dude can "remind" Kim of her avenging badass father.
6. And now I learn that this dude is on The Vampire Diaries on the CW, does that mean that there is going to be vampires this season. Jack Bauer Vampire slayer, I smell a spinoff series/movie/franchise.
7. Glad to see Ethan back in the saddle, even if he needs pills to keep going.
8. Uh Oh, the Omar Hassan leader has a brother, in in 24 standards, that means the lil bro will be president soon, let's give it four to five episodes.
9. The president's brother is the Indian Jason Schwartzman.
10. The scene where President Omar and his brother debate the Middle Eastern Politics of recklessness is a reminder of how good the acting on 24 can be.
11. How a bloody latino dude bleeding everywhere can walk into a swanky Manhattan apartment building that looks straight out of Gossip Girl is a big mystery.
12. I wonder if those giant screens at CTU are ever used for watching American Idol. I mean those things are so huge they belong in Dallas Cowboys stadium.
13. Aeiral Spy Drones in New York City, if that is even remotely real, it's pretty scary
14. If it wasn't enough with the polar bears, now Dharma Initiative member Horace Goodspeed has left the Island and become a terrorist, and somewhere in the journey, gained a new accent and hair cut.
15. This Chief Of Staff for President Taylor really throws his weight around "Hassan is a big boy," "I'm going to Choke out the Press" with a name like Rob, you think he last name was Damage. Rob, Rob Damage, professional chief of staff. By the way, the guy looks like Scott Brown.
16. There can't strong leader on 24 from any country without a totally disfunctionable family standing behind them.
17. When you open the season with an axe kill to the chest, which immediately becomes one of the top 10 kills of 24 ever WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GO FROM HERE?
18. The Nerdy Drone guy who is named Arlo is the spiritual succesfor to legendary CTU nerd drone guy Milo Pressman.
19. I'm digging all this high tech stuff, facial recognition, bout time you showed up. Welcome to 24. You too computer tablets.And....you too full body scanners.  Next episode we should get project Natal.
20. Kim Bauer wants Jack to go with her, but she knows that Jack Bauer has a responsibility to protecting freedom, french kisses, italian ices, spanish moss in the moonlight, and all the good things that make up an American Saturday Night.
21. Took Jack an hour and 37 minutes to get back in the terrorist hunting game, that's longer than it took him in season 5, so when it takes him 20 minutes next season, don't be surprised

22. I really wish that Bauer got his hands on some of that Men In Black weaponery, I mean that armory room had everything except that badass Will Smith mini pistol that knocks you off your feet when you fire it.
23. Wouldn't be a season of 24 without a weak ass totally forced domestic subplot about one of the characters.
 24. So far things are off to a solid start. I like how they already have let us know who the man on the inside is, and even though CTU New York looks like a night club, the new characters are refreshing.

January 15, 2010

Don't Forget About Haiti This Weekend

The Haitian From Heroes (Aka the Only Cool Character On The Show)

Have a fun weekend folks, but don't forget about the people devastated by the Earthquake in Haiti. Donate money here to help.

28 Drinks Later

Terrible News: Piranha 3D Delayed And May Not Be In 3D

"Piranha 3D" is the anti-Avatar, or should I say, the opposite of Avatar. The 3D in "Piranha" involves giant mutant fish with razor sharp teeth eating smoking hot babes in bikinis. For all my female readers, I'm sure that there will be many handsome men getting chomped too. Either way, it sounds like the ultimate crowd movie, in fact I'm pretty sure that if you don't see it at midnight the day it opens, don't even bother.

But today disaster bites back, The Weinstein Company announced the toothy spectacular is coming out in August, not April. The said they don't want to compete against comic book adaptation "Kick Ass," but there is rampant blogger speculation that something is wrong with the film. And why I say wrong, I don't mean there isn't enough fish, I mean that it might not even end up being in 3D!

What is the point of making a bloody fish movie if it isn't in 3D? If I wanted to see fish in 2D, I would watch this video (MUST WATCH). Come on now Fish! Get your 3D game up.

January 13, 2010

Avatar, The Vatican, & Sacrifice

James Cameron must be smiling on his spaceship somewhere. After all, once the Vatican starts commenting on your movie, you know you've made it to the super big time. Something tells me the Vatican had nothing to say about "Daybreakers." Yet while the Vatican leveled criticism was mostly just a standard film review, there were some interesting crumbs of information to meditate on. Take this quote from L'Osservatore, the Vatican newspaper.
"[The Film] gets bogged down by a spiritualism linked to the worship of nature. It cleverly winks at all those pseudo-doctrines that turn ecology into the religion of the millennium."
The Vatican can say their vaguely anti-mother earth lines, but I'm not buying them, I believe their real beef with the film is the lack of sacrifice of the characters. You see, the Vatican loves sacrifice. Jesus, after all, died for our sins on the cross. Throughout history and to this day, Catholicism stresses a hard work ethic; work now, don't worry about money on earth, the true reward is in the Kingdom of Heaven that awaits.

When you look at contemporary science fiction narratives, there are themes of self-sacrifice everywhere. The mystical Obi Wan Kenobi dies at the hand of evil only to rise and become all powerful.  Neo, the protagonist of the Matrix films sacrifices himself to the machines to save the world. In the #2 box office movie of 2009: Transformers 2, Optimus Prime bites the dust to save his fellow human homies and Autobots cronies, only to rise again as Super Optimus (buy the toy now kids) to regulate on evil.

Yet Cameron's mind melting masterpiece is curiously devoid of this theme of self sacrifice. No one gives them-self to death to save the people they love. Sigourney Weaver's character doesn't die on purpose (and she didn't like her human self anyway). The numerous Na'vi that die weren't sacrificing themselves, they just had the bad luck to be at the end of a rocket. The only real selfless act is Michele Rodriguez's character, and she was trying to fly out of the battle zone, but didn't make it in time.

The closest thing to becoming one self-sacrifice is Jake Sully leaving his human body behind to become one with God, or, uh, excuse me, Eywa (and let's be honest,  there are plenty of people who would DIE to live on Pandora as a Na'vi). Now if J. Sully had exchanged his life for the life of Na'vi and the tree of souls, I'm sure the Vatican would have been praising the film. And instead of hovering above the Universe in his spaceship made out of money, James Cameron would be kicking it in the Vatican, working on the script with his new co-writer: Pope Benedict.

January 12, 2010

Vatican Vs Eywa

"Avatar is Bland, Destroy Home Tree"

Today the Vatican newspaper released their review of Avatar. They didn't like it and now everyone is convinced that because the review is negative, the Vatican condemns the following things in this order:

James Cameron
3D Crowd Pleasing Movies
Things That Are Exciting And Cool

People need to grow up, it's just a movie review folks.

However there is an interesting discussion to be had about faith, religion, and the film. In fact, stay tuned tomorrow for my thoughts on that.

January 11, 2010

Spiderman 4 Cancelled. Reboot of Franchise Next

The Spider Man movies as we know them are dead (that's why ol Spidey is a zombie above). Nikki Finke reports that Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire will not be returning to the Spider Man franchise. Spider Man 4 will be a reboot of the entire shebang. A couple days ago, I blogged about how no one cared about Spider Man because of all the upcoming Marvel movies. Well, I gotta say, I think the reboot of the franchise is a great idea. Get a hip director (hello Neill Blomkamp) some hot young stars (hell, uh, not so sure about that one) and we're off. Of course it has to be avatarized aka, it must be in 3D IMAX.


Yesterday was fellow blogger Jay Judah's birthday and after all the cake and pizza we decided to watch CHUCK. Everyone kept telling me that this show was going to be my jam, and after a while, I really started to believe it. There were promises of more nerd references than 1.5 minutes at Comic Con and laughs comparable to "Modern Family" or "Glee."

However upon watching, one thing and one thing alone was running through my mind. This show is not 24, it is nowhere near as dope as 24, it never will be, and Jack Bauer is the only real choice for the upcoming Captain America movie. If "super spy" Chuck really knew what he was doing and somehow ended up in a room with J. Bauer, he probably would last .0000000000000000000001 seconds. And here is my point of reference.

Also, get ready for the 24 Points About 24! They start one week from today. Tell your friends, family, and buddies in Bauer.

January 8, 2010

Will Obama Delay The Lost Premiere? (UPDATE)

From the beach to the tail section to the lamppost everyone is emailing/tweeting/carrier pigeoning me about how the President could potentially delay the final season of "Lost" by a week.
According to reports, the White House is mulling over two dates for the president's State of the Union address: Tuesday, Jan. 26 or Tuesday, Feb. 2.
Man, I was really thinking Obama was going to the be the first geek in chief. First he reveals he sees Star Trek (which is made by the Lost folks) and then over Christmas break he goes to HAWAI (obviously he had some meetings with Richard Alpert), and then he goes to see Avatar. I mean all he has to do is make Comic Con a national holiday and he'd be the first Jedi President of the United States.

But something has gone wrong. Obama used to be a constant source of hope, now He's thinking about derailing the LOST premiere, the most anticipated season premiere in the history of time/universe/space (cause it's all relative). What is he thinking? Has he become corrupted by the evil spirit of the Island? Is he working for Locke? Widmore? Frogurt? I need answers! Apparently I'll have to wait to find out what the fate holds for the premiere (which as a Lost fan I'm used to ).

***UPDATE: The White House has just issued this statement
We don't foresee a scenario in which millions of people that hope to finally get some conclusion in ‘Lost’ are preempted by the president.”
Maybe that aforementioned meeting with Richard Alpert really paid off.

January 7, 2010

Should You Care About the Spider Man 4 Delay?

Yesterday it was announced that "Spiderman 4" is being delayed due to script problems. Just weeks ago, fanboys were up in arms about casting rumors of John Malkovich and Anne Hathaway playing the Vulture and Vultress, so damn, I guess times can change with the flick of a wrist. In light of this delay, Paramount picked up it's hammer and crushed Spider-man's release date of May 6, 2011. Paramount's replacement:  that other marvel superhero project: "Thor."

The interesting here is that there isn't a huge backlash about Spider-Man getting delayed. The mood that I'm feeling is that Spider Man 3 was so disrespectful to comics that the web-heads don't really care. And with Marvel dangling "The Avengers" in front of our faces like the most tasty whoopie pie ever made, how are we supposed to get excited one character? After all, in no time we will have a whole team of them on the screen together battling evil. Sorry Spidey, looks like you can't hand power and responsibility after all.

January 6, 2010

How Hardcore Is The Expendables? Neck Breaking Hardcore

That poor man who is being "operated" on by Doctor Stallone in the photo now can have the last laugh. Word has leaked from the Sly man himself that while shooting a fight scene with Steve Austin (yes, I'm referring to the one and only STONE COLD Steve Austin) Stallone's neck was actually broken. This is what Stallone said in this months issue of FHM.
"Actually, my fight with Stone Cold Steve Austin was so vicious that I ended up getting a hairline fracture in my neck. I'm not joking. I haven't told anyone this, but I had to have a very serious operation afterwards. I now have a metal plate in my neck."
Like Stallone didn't already have a metal plate in his neck, please, who do you think you're kidding? We all know you had one added to your neck when you were shooting "Judge Dredd." Just how batshit insane crazy can "The Expendables" get? What's next? We'll learn that all those "stunt men" who were supposedly "acting" were really actually getting blown to bacon bits by Stallone and his friends.

January 5, 2010

Decade Preview: Movies

There are 3652 days in the this decade. For all practical purposes I will be calling this decade "10," not 20-10 or 2010, just straight up 10! (Yes exclamation point is included). Here we go with the first of a series of previews for the decade.

The Avengers (And Avengers 2 potentially)
 This is the one that the nerds are waiting for. And don't worry, by the time this thing comes around in 2012, the entire global populace will be "nerds" so to speak. Of course, I'm assuming that all of the Marvel movies will be as good as "Iron Man." First comes Iron Man 2, then Thor, then Captain America, and then when people can't handle how face meltingly fresh these movies are, all of these characters will be on screen together kicking villain ass. My only worry is that I won't be able to "assemble" my mind after this flick.

Avatar 2, (And 2, 3)
Yeah, I could be still basking in the glow of amazing "Avatar" was, but then again, I don't think I'm alone in thinking I can't wait to return to Pandora. Talk about the sequel is becoming as precious as unobtanium and the reveal from producer Jon Landeau that the next chapter of Jake Sully and the blue men group (uh, I mean Na'Vi) could feature the inside of Pandora or other moons really set the heads spinning, let's hope to Eywa that the sequel is as good as the first.

Whatever Movie Neill Blomkamp Makes Next
Directed by Neill Blomkamp, this past summer's "District 9" was a ground breaking movie. It's  pseudo documentary style and earth pounding combat showed how fresh movies can be made on the cheap when talented techno genius directors are at the helm. Whatever movie Mr. Blomkamp decides to make next will no doubt be highly anticpated. He has said he doesn't want to make a big studio movie because he doesn't want to lose control of the film, but don't be surprised if he caves in and ends up directing some massive movie for a struggling studio looking for the next JJ Abrams.

The Dark Knight Sequel
The sequel to the Dark Knight is going to either be one of the greatest films of all time or one of the most massive disappointments ever in the history of the Universe. "The Dark Knight"  is an incredible movie and it's going to be difficult to top. Heath Ledger's Joker was so brilliant that any actor who takes the villain role in the sequel will have to have some serious undaunted courage. Right now it's not known if mastermind director Christopher Nolan will return to the franchise and the lack of talk regarding his return does not bode well. I personally believe that Nolan will return and he will shoot the Dark Knight sequel in 3D IMAX, and 3D IMAX alone. Of course I shutter to think what would happen to fanboys if this was true, because I fear their heads would explode upon seeing the first 3D footage at Comic Con.

There are many other movies that are in the pipeline that deserve to be mentioned, but don't get me excited enough to get full paragraphs. Steven Spielberg's long gestating bio-pic on Abraham Lincoln (with Liam Neeson as the prez) still excites me.  Guillermo Del Toro's two film adaptation of "The Hobbit" should also be mesmerizing. The "Star Trek" sequels probably won't suck either.

And yet, I'm sure some of the greatest movies of the next decade are just fragmented thoughts in the minds of filmakers, some whom the common man (even the non-common man, aka the fanboys and film junkies) haven't heard of. I'm excited about the new talent that the decade holds and how far the limits of cinema and storytelling will go in 10!

January 4, 2010

3D Without Glasses

If this dude said "Gather the Tribes" I would have lost my mind.

How Snow Shoveling Saved My Life

There is a rhythm to a good snow shoveling session. Shovel hits snow, shovel hits pavement, snow comes up, snow leaves shovel, snow hits snow. Repeat, repeat, repeat. If you want to get technical, you can throw in the background music of a gentle wind or an occasional crunching snow as it passing by. When finished, you are left with nothing but a barren driveway and a sense of accomplishment.

Accomplishments are hard to come by this century, well, real accomplishments that is. We live in an age of instant but empty accomplishments. Congratulations you have 10,000 friends on facebook (yet you only talk to 10 of them regularly). What's that you say, you have 500 twitter followers (oh wait half of them are people who don't know you). And my personal favorite, you're gamerscore is stratosphere high and you have more achievement trophies than most normal folk (and video game skills are meaningless). These and their similar brethren are not real accomplishments.

Real accomplishments include things like getting to be particularly good at a valuable skill. Mastering a chromatic scale with 4 octaves on an instrument is an accomplishment. Building a bookshelf from scratch qualifies as does writing an actual book, damn, in this day an age, reading a book is an accomplishment. And yet, as I step into the new decade, I can't but recollect just how rewarding shoveling the driveway makes me feel. Not on par with building a bookcase, but, hey come on, it's real labor we're talking about here.

The driveway was covered and I uncovered it. I  unearthed it like Robert Langdon, making it safe for all the travelers who would drive and walk on it's mystical black asphalt. I took a force of nature and said to it "sorry ol chap, but I got you beat, at least for the next two hours till you start snowing again." And most of all the rhythm of the snow made me forget the symphony of technology that we blissfully (and sometimes necessarily) embrace. For just that one moment I was disconnected from my facebook, my twitter, my phone, my email, my gamerscore, my job and pretty much the world. So: Thanks snow, Thanks Snow Shovel (sorry I don't know if my aching back feels the same).