July 13, 2010

Predators: The Search for a Governor

Last week we were blessed with the release of “Predators.” This film should act as an example to Hollywood of what a remake should be. But, I’m not here to get into the debate of if remaking should still be a practice or not, my motives here are far more political. Literally. The first “Predator”, aside from giving us one of the coolest monsters in film history, also provided us two future governors: California’s Arnold and Minnesota’s Jesse The Body. Begging the question, “Who from this new batch of badasses will run for office?”

While each person has some positives and negatives for why they should be in office, I’m only going to highlight a handful of our possible candidates.

Topher Grace (Edwin): People have loved him since “That 70’s Show” and he shows in this movie that he’s got more range than just doormat Foreman. This could be useful in winning the hearts of his voters. However, I haven’t forgiven anyone attached to “Spiderman 3” so he won’t be getting my vote.

Walton Goggins (Stans): As Detective Shane Vendrell on FX’s “The Shield” he showed us he knows his way around the law. However, in “Predators” he’s our death row inmate and even though our nation’s leaders haven’t always played by the rules (See Richard M. Nixon) being on deathrow might disqualify him from running.

Laurence Fishburne (Noland): Fishburne seems to be a lock for a future governor. He’s got all the credentials: CSI investigator and showed that he can assist in the saving of a people and getting them hyped up (See The Matrix Trilogy. Well, don’t pay much attention to 2 & 3). However, in “Predators” we’re not getting Morpheus. We’re getting someone a bit shakier, and without spoiling anything, let’s just say not the guy I want to be in charge of balancing my budget.

Alice Braga (Isabelle): The only woman on our list and in our movie and for good reason. She would’ve destroyed any other female who came across their path. She’s faced non-humans before (See “I Am Legend”. It’s awesome) and anyone who is working for the IDF and packing the hardware she is gets an A+ in my book. Even if I don’t think anyone named Isabelle lives in Israel. She shows a mix of kick-assery and heart and those will be key to winning the election.

Adrien Brody (Royce): Our Oscar Winner. Our former baseball player (See “Angels In The Outfield.” It’ll change your life.) Our Leader. In “Predators” he takes the reigns immediately and never looks back. He thinks quickly on his feet, delegates swiftly, and wields every weapon at his disposal beautifully. For the women who may only see him in this role as a jacked killer, I point them towards “The Pianist” and watch as they cast their vote while wiping away their tears.

Governor Braga & Governor Brody: If there is a world past 2012, they'll have a hand in running it!

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