April 5, 2010
Summer Movie Smackdown: Clash of the Titans
Reader's Note: This is my new go to format for reviewing all the big ass summer popcorns movies that are coming out this Summer.
Director: Louis Leterrier
Starring: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, and two smoking hot babes Gemma Arteron and Alexa Davalos.
Plot? - The Kraken, a big bastard water slug/demon/living turd is going to destroy the city of Argos in a week. The burden of saving the coastal paradis falls on demi-god Perseus (Sam Worthington), who really wants to kick ass, but not with any magic,
Reminds You Of? - A low budget Lord of the Rings. The combat isn't as vicious enough, the characters are terribly defined, and the special effects are cheesier than my legendary double layer smoked Gouda nachos... bro.
Ass Kicking Factor (AKF) - Disappointingly low. Director Louis Leterrier doesn't know how to stage epic action so none of the combat has any impact. Perseus's body count is wayyyy to low and he doesn't start really taking names til the last third of the flick. Not even one dude getting ripped in half or a scorpion attack can increase this portion of the film.
Oh Shit Moments (OSM) - Hmmm, a couple people get turned to stone by Medusa but the film lacks some really wild moments that make you cheer. This is a huge problem. I'd say the film has one part where Worthington gets all J Sully on a giant monster, but otherwise that's it.
Memorable Dialogue - "I'll do this a man" and "If I do this, I do it as a man" and "Don't give super cool badass weapons from the Gods cause, I'm doing this as a man." This is the best line of the summer movie season so far. Every time someone asks you to do something, feel free to use it. Yo TPG, can you pass me the guacamole - "If I pass it to you, I'm doing it as a man!"
MOM Factor - Lower than you can ever imagine. The only thing that could convince your Mom would be a campaign Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes are both classically trained actors who they loved in mid 90's romantic dramas and this movie is somewhat similar because they're in it.
TPG Truth Drop - Sorry Titans/Gods, I can't give it. Maybe if you had Worthington riding on Taruk Mak To instead of a Pegasus, it would be a different story, but this is one action flick that never soars to the heavens to drink beyahs with the Gods, rather it's stuck in the underworld eating microwave dinner.