January 28, 2010

This Deez Life Part 2

Over a year ago I wrote about how much I enjoy going to McDonalds, aka The Deez, aka the mecca of instant satisfaction and delayed regret over calorie intake. Now I return to the fast food that keeps me going.

1. McDonalds (McDeez, The Deez, Deez)- The world's largest hamburger chain is still the big boss in my book. However recently I've learned a shocking facts about the nature of the beast. A Sri Lankan man told me that Deez burgers are so specifically engineered to taste that if you eat them upside down they taste completely different, in other words they are no palindromic burgers. Of course I don't have the courage to flip a Big Mac upside down but hopefully I know someone who is.

2. Taco Bell (Tac_Bell, The Bell, The Tac, and THE BEEZ)- First rule of the Bell is don't mess with the burritos, if you want something filling go to Chipotle (which was once owned by McDonalds). The reason Taco Bell ranks so high up on the list is basically because of one item and one item alone: The Chalupa. I have probably eaten over 103 of these things in my life, and damn are they succulent. Of course I don't know the difference between a Chalupa or a Gordita or a Baja or a Supreme or even the difference between Taco Bell Steak, Taco Bell Chicken, or Taco Bell Beef, I just know that Chalupas are dammmn tasty, guy.

3. Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC, The Colonel)- Don't get confused by this "new" baked chicken or grilled chicken or popcorn chicken, the only real thing KFC has got going for it is the biscuits! You stop by KFC and you don't get a biscuit, that's like going to the movie theatre, getting popcorn, and then leaving before showtime, honestly, what's the point? The biscuit defines the restaurant, the chicken, eh, it's alright, no better than Popeyes, but lo, the biscuit, lo the biscuit!

4. Sonic (um Sonic, that's all) - You'd think, based of the large amount of commercials these guys have they would be easy to find. But no, finding a Sonic is like finding the Wizard in Where's Waldo. Sometimes he's really easy to spot, BAM, there's the staff, and a tall pointy dude standing among the Aztecs, but the other part of the time he's impossible to find. But hey now, when you find a Sonic, particularly one at Happy Hour (2-4PM), consider the light of fast food deities shining on you brah. The drink menu at this place is deeeeeaaaap guy, every combination of tea, lemonade, shake, and soda you can imagine is available at half price. There was a summer where I had sonic every day, this was also the summer I got filthy good at volleyball, the two are linked.

5. In-N-Out Burger (The most overrated burger chain in California) The most hyped restaurant in California and perhaps the world. When I first traveled to LA in January of 2008, all people were talking about was when we were gonna go to In-N-Out. Now I have one next to my home, next to my office, and next to my home office, and you know what, it's just alright. The secret menu is a gimmick, the fries have nothing on Deez fries, and the shakes are not mind melting either. I'm not saying it's terrible, it's just not as blessed as it you'd be lead to believe. Speaking of blessed are you aware that there are BIBLE PASSAGES ON ALL THE WRAPPERS?

In other news, my 2010 diet/Conan Work out Plan is going decently well.


  1. What an interesting blog - is there no mention of Burger Kind and Wendy's?

  2. Fantastic citation of the Wizard in Where's Waldo.



  3. Dude, you are eating that McD stuff? Cut it out, OK? I may be a foodie, but, jeez - don't you know what is in that? I fear for your life...
    Dave G.