July 31, 2009

Fantastic Mr. Fox Trailer

So after posting the pics, so we have a trailer for "The Fantastic Mr. Fox," the new film from hipster deity Wes Anderson. There are couple things I wish to point out about this trailer

1. They say "Fantastic" about five times in the trailer. If the movie is terrible, I'd say the amount of reviewers who say something along the lines of "this movie isn't that....fantastic" will be larger than amount of affection brah man indie rock Vampire Weekend tight jean hipsters have for Mr. Anderson.

2. They say it's form the author of "Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory," which for all you rookies out there is the legendary Roald Dahl.

3. The trailer opens with the words "so it begins" which is a semi tag line of Wes Anderson's movies.

4. Stop motion animation looks fresh and original, here's hoping that the movie is too.

5. This movie has absolutely nothing on "Where the Wild Things Are" in terms of movies based off children's books coming out in the fall.

6. If you're looking for a Funny People review, it's below.

July 30, 2009

Drinking Beyahs at the White House

Today is the day that Henry Louis Gates Jr, Sgt. James Crowley, and the leader of the beyah drinking world sit down for a beyah and talk about pawlitics and race issues.

Word on the street is the that Prez is going to be crushing Bud Light, Gates a Red Stripe, and Crowley a Blue Moon. I wish I could provide you with a thoughtful analysis of what these beers say about these men and how they connect to America's race debate, but all I can say that the President prefers BUD LIGHT!

The dude could be drinking some heady organically brewed beer made from the hops grown in the white house garden and he chooses a brah mon beer like Bud Light. If anything this confirms that Obama is definitely now more than the Commander in Chief, he's the BRO IN CHIEF. What's next? Are we going to learn that he likes playing Halo, flag football, a good softball game, late night runs to the deez, "surfing the Internet for anatomy videos", and all other bro events. Dear Mr. President, my gamertag is: thislalife, friend me, come over, whatever, we can play FIFA or HALO whenever you want, don't worry though, I'll bring the beer.

July 29, 2009

Tron Returns With Daft Punk Riding on the Light Bike.

The love of Tron is on a nerd level that is higher than me. It is a powerful, legendary, ancient nerdieness that hearkens back to the days of power protectors and computers the size of refrigerators. Either way peep the new Daft Punk single from the film below.

The Quest For Fear

Never have me on your left doing a horror movie. It's a simple fact that when I get freaked out I tend to punch whatever is to my left. Doesn't matter if it's a lady, a brah, or grandma, if some shit is going down on the screen that makes me bug out, someone is getting knocked out. That being said, I do enjoy a great horror flick and I'm pretty peaceful dude.

But these days a great scare is hard to find. Some of the ones I've enjoyed recently include "Quarantine," "The Strangers," and the classic scare me out of my flannel pajamas* classic "The Descent." Yet I've exhausted my list and I can't find the really freaky ones, please post on the comments, if you know one.

I found that most of these new horror films confuse brutality with fear, yes I'm talking to you "Friday the 13th", "Halloween" and "Saw." I wanna be afraid, not just made to jump by some heavy metal soundtrack or some bogus audio cue. I also don't wanna Ralph Wiggum because of some ridiculous gore.

I've also noted that a good horror flick is ultimately subjective. My mom bugged out when she saw "The Exorcist," but when I saw it, I thought the whole thing was much less scary than "E.T." which did some serious damage to me as a child (that's a whole nother blog post). So the quest for a good scare continues, if I find it make sure you're sitting to my right or preferably on another couch.

*First time I saw "The Descent" I screamed so loud the people in the dorm room next door thought I was being murdered by roommate who had his mind fried by playing 14 straight hours of GTA:San Andreas: "WHADDUP CJ?"

July 28, 2009

Funny People (Who Know How To Act)

Anybody who can plot to destroy the galaxy and completely redefine their onscreen identity in one summer deserves just a little bit of praise. Eric Bana is that dude, fresh off his turn as the Romulan destroyer Nero in Star Trek, he returns to the screen, this time as an dangerous Aussie husband to the girl of Adam Sandler's dreams. His performance is hilarious, emotional, and the best part of the very good "Funny People."

By now everyone knows the story. Adam Sandler plays a comedian who's dying, and he hires struggling comic Seth Rogen to be his assistant. What does he assist with? Writing jokes, fixing TVs, and guiding him in his attempts to woo back his lost love Leslie Mann. The story here is well paced and for a two and a half hour film, it never once drags. But what else do you expect from Mr. Apatow?

Ah, the venerable Mr. Apatow, Chief Brah of bromance domain, leader of the comedy world, and the role model for every comedy inspired dreamer. From the kid on stage at summer camp to the dude burning j's writing in jokes in his parent basement they all wanna be him. Here Mr. Apatow goes someplace where he has only dabbled before: some very real emotions.

Losing your virginity, unplanned pregnancy all seem pretty minor in the face of death, aka the scary dude with the scythe knocking at your door. Unlike the other films (Knocked Up, 40 Year Old Virgin) this one feels like a serious movie with jokes, as in, the other ones felt like comedies with serious scenes. So watching it I wonder, what kind of film does Mr. A (sounds cooler doesn't it) make from here. It's almost as if he's diluting an amazing story with dick jokes as some type of cushion for the audience and himself. With this film he proves that he can deliver the hard drama goods, now let's see him tackle a film about real people and issues, who may or may not be funny.

July 26, 2009

3 Comic Con Commandments

In case you were wondering, yes, the storm trooper on the left is a clone wars model (the guy in the middle is also Rick Fox). Out of all the photos I have from the weekend, this is the one I wanted to share, because it represents the insanity of the weekend. So without further hesitation, I drop these nuggets on you.

1. This is a place of comfort, joy, and nerds- Those storm troopers above, in real life they could be pencil pushing office drones who get stomped out daily by some meathead ex football player who hangs out in the company kitchen. But here, at Comic Con, they are Gods, capable of arresting basketball players and courting rebel alliance babes that roam the floor. Everyone here is so stoked to be amongst their own.

2. This is a place that rewards patience- I got up at 6:30 AM, waited in line for 4 hours to see the LOST panel, and then I waited another 4 hours to see Iron Man 2. And nothing disappointed, I screamed like a little Twilight pre-teen when they screened Iron Man 2 footage, and it was worth it. I wish real life was like comic con life and you just wait it out and then everything you want is fulfilled.

3. This is a place where stars walk among us- Of all the memories, one of the funniest is when I got in an elevator with geek god Joss Whedon. I now will transcribe my thoughts in the elevator.
Shit, this dude looks familiar, all right, I know who this is
This dude is Joss Whedon, the guy that created that piece of shit show
Dollhouse, oh man, wait, is that him, I thought was bigger in real life, damn
you only got so much time in the elevator. Better ask him if he is who think he is,
yeah ask him, don't be a wuss, BE TONY STARK!

Me: Eyyyyyy Yo, are you Joss Whedon
Joss Whedon: Yes
Me: Cool

Can't wait for next year.

July 24, 2009

Judgement Awaits Me At Comic Con

Today I will be judged by the geeks and nerds of the universe (represented by the smoke monster above). That's right I'm heading to Comic Con where I plan to hit up the LOST, 24, and Iron Man panels and basically see if I can hang with the highest caliber of nerds geeks dweebs braniacs and anything else you can think of. I will no doubt return a changed man, hopefully full of knowledge of how to end wars and cure famines or maybe just of the dynamics of time travel in Lost season 6. Wish me luck

July 23, 2009

Arnold on the California Budget Crisis

Reporter to Caliyforniya Governor: Umm, Governor, what's important to you?
Ahnuld: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.

Ninja Assassin

The title alone almost makes it required viewing.

Blogger Prom Wrap-Up

Blueberry colored shoes from LL Bean in Maine. Sky blue paints that were tailored for me in Panama. Patent fabric blue blazer from Hollywood. Cheesy milk white shirt from the legendary Huggins Fair in New Hampshire. These were the clothes I rocked to the Blogger Prom last night. What is a blogger prom? It's an 80's themed party for people who blog in Los Angeles.

Right off the bat I knew things were going to get crazy when I realized that unlike most of the people present, I did not go to Prom in the 80's. At my prom everyone wanted the DJ to get the freakfest started by playing some 50 Cent, not Karma Chameleon, so the age difference was a trip, but once the open bar started and Jay from www.jayjudah.com showed up, things got popping like Jack in the Boxes.

I basically cruised around and met people who share their thoughts to the world on the Internet, new age philosophers if you well. I learned that tons of people blog about food, which is nuts cause the only thing I do with food is eat it yo. But here is a great food blog, check it out.

It was a great night, hopefully I'll be posting all the blogs that I found last night. You can check out a great one here, it's called LOST ANGELES, and I'm already digging it like a miner. If I have one regret about the prom, it's that I didn't shake things up and come dressed like this.

July 22, 2009

Escondido Falls

I realize that I don't actually blog about uh, life in Los Angeles that much, which is a little lame cause the blog is called "THIS LA LIFE" not "TPG IS A NERD LIFE." So here is a little tidbit of life in Los Angeles.

Escondido falls is located off majestic Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu. Look for a street called Winding Way. You walk up the street and head off into the wilderness, and after some hiking/walking/sprinting, you come to the lower falls. However, like all good things in LA, it takes a little extra effort to get the goooooooods. In this case that extra effort is a quick yet strenuous climb up to the upper falls, featured on the left.

The reward is a gentle trickle of water down a moss soaked cliff which should conjure images of peace and tranquility. Well in my case, it conjures up images of grand adventure and swashbuckling. Check out the falls, who knows how they'll speak to you.

July 21, 2009

Daniel Radcliffe: One day, there will come a time when she will come between us.
Rupert Grint: Here's hoping that whoever they cast as Lavender Brown is hot as Emma.

Welcome to Mannywood

Manny Ramirez is Hollywood. Seriously, this is a guy who I absolutely loved in Boston. Yeah he did some antics that some (well many) would frown on but the dude is a huge part of my childhood. Shit, my boy Johnny gave me his jersey, and it was the first jersey I have ever owned. Of course due to wild college parties and tragic mustard accidents at Fenway, it's pretty dirty, but I still love it.

Yesterday was the first time I saw Manny since he arrived in LA and it was my first ever trip to Dodgers stadium. Of course Manny went deep guy and I realized that he fits in very well here in LA. In Boston, people were only happy if he was crushing homers, they couldn't handle his chillbrah dude attitude, in LA people are just happy to have a brah with dreads chilling or crushing homers. It's just a little more relaxed here, and I think that fits him. I'm glad to see him happy, but let's be clear, Jason Bay is nice, and Sox are still my team.

July 20, 2009

Moon Or Mars? If the movies tell us anything you gotta play it safe and go the moon!

In the new today, there is a great debate whether NASA should go back to the Moon or boldly go to Mars (aka Da Red Planet!). I'd have to say, if you look at recent cinematic history, it is clear that the Moon, not Mars is the clear choice for safe space exploration. Let's check out the facts here.

The Moon- Star of the recent indie darling "Moon," the white orb in the sky has a lot going for it right now. The moon is also kicking ass recently because people are getting nostalgic about the anniversary of the moon landings. Let's not forget that "New Moon" the upcoming Twilight flick has been generating heat for the moon by title alone. Let's face it, the moon is tearing shit up right now. We gotta go back.

Mars- This planet has soil the color of blood, this should be an indicator that we shouldn't mess around it. Cinematic history has told us that Mars is full of evil beings. Peep the vampire army from "Ghosts of Mars" above. Also, I don't recall any peaceful aliens coming from Mars, just big brained maniacs who hate Tom Jones. The only good thing Mars has going for it is that it's the name of a candy company, and candy in any format, interplanetary or not, is sweet in my book.

So NASA if you're with me, let's go back to the Moon. I'm not interested in demonic ghost armies from the Red Planet, I'm interested in the Moon.*

*In reality though, landing on Mars would be the fantastic thing that happened in my life and we gotta go!!!!

July 17, 2009

Fantastic Mr. Fox Pics Make Animals Hip! Thanks Wes Anderson

Here are the first new pics from Wes Anderson's adaptation of "The Fantastic Mr. Fox" by Roald Dahl. Man I wonder if the soundtrack will have hip bands with an animal themed focus. The Beatles, The Monkees, The Yard Birds, The Bloodhound Gang?

Sequel to 500 Days of Summer Announced!

In honor of the "super hip brah mon flannel Arcade Fire Vampire Weekend Jack Keroauc Chuck Taylor PBR Vinyl" hipster film 500 Days of Summer, I have prepared a list of sequels for the producers to consider. Listen to the hipster heartbreak anthem while considering these titles, but don't think too hard.

1. 500 Days of Hummers- It could go either way...
2. 500 Days of Stone Cold Stunners- Austin 3:16 still lives on, get em a beer!
3. 500 Days of Plumbers- Two plumbers, 250 broken toilets, 250 broken sinks, and one cute girl.
4. 500 Days of Drummers- The story of a Venice beach drum circle that uses sonic waves to prevent a tidal wave from wiping out Venice beach. It's a musical but it's like 2012.
5. 500 Days of Christopher Plummer- Star of "Must Love Dogs" and the voice of the dastardly MUNTZ in "Up." Give up for the Plums.
6. 500 Days of "Dumb and Dumber"- Two hipsters listen to Elliot Smith and watch "Dumb and Dumber" all day on their roof in their trendy yet cheap yet classy Brooklyn apartment.
7. 500 Seconds of Summer- 8.3 minutes of summer, enough time to eat an ice cream Popsicle with gum drop eyes.
8. 500 People Forced to Watch "The Happening"- Zooey Deschanel's finest performance viewed on repeat 500 times
9. 500 Days, of wait, no, did you know that Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Cobra Commander in the upcoming "GI Joe", seriously.
10.500- Sequel to 400, which is the sequel to 300.

July 15, 2009

Harry Potter Delivers Again!

"Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince" is a delight of a film. It is by far the funniest of the movies so far, which is strange the source material is wicked dark stuff. Just how dark is the book you ask? Let's just say the scenes where a young Voldermort murders his family, a werewolf devouring children, and a sadistic youngling who enjoy killing don't make into this PG rated Potter film. It's a testament both to the original story and Steven Klove's screenplay that it succeeds so well as an adaptation (leaving this dark biz behind).

One of the best things about the Harry Potter series in print or on the silver screen is how the characters and the actors grow up over time. These actors were young when this bad boy started, peep the picture on the right as evidence. But now as the characters age, the film uses their emotions for some great comedy. There's plenty of snogging, scheming, and maybe even slaying, and I'm not talking about dragons, and all of it is wisely played for laughs.

Technically the film is great. Cinematographer Bruno Delbonnel creates beautiful images in film using dark colors (which totally is metaphoric for the rise of the evil Death Eaters meng). But what really blew me away in this film was the performances, in particular Jim Broadbent as Horace Slughorn. While I don't want to reveal too much, Broadbent really taps into the tragic nature of the character, and it is my hope that he gets at least a nomination from the Academy for his performance, and I hope he doesn't need some of that luck potion to make that happen.

I'm not going to dive into all the potentially catastrophic ways it deviates from the book, but let's just say the Potter nerd (you know the one that has copped books 4-7 at midnight) is a little nervous. But the filmmakers are on a magical tear right now, so I trust, and if that don't deliver, time to bust out those unforgivable curses on those suckas.

July 14, 2009

Bruno And The New American (In) Tolerance

Imagine a naked Austrian man trying to bust into your tent with condoms. Imagine expecting a cage match and getting men making out with each other. Picture yourself, working at a hotel and finding two men chained together in bondage gear. How would you react?

I believe that some people would respond in some of ways that are featured in the film, including shock, anger, extreme discomfort, but that doesn't necessarily make them anti-gay. These are people being presented with the extreme end of gay spectrum, and responding in ways even "tolerant people" could respond. For example when a naked Bruno tries to sneak into a hunter's tent, I can understand why the Hunter tells Bruno to "get the fuck out of here." I'm not going to lie, if Bruno himself was trying to bust into my tent, I would respond the same.

Yet in watching the film, let's realize the people who are respectful to Bruno. After all, the hunters in the film also are tolerant enough to spend the entire day with Bruno and all his antics. Perhaps the America that Bruno found while making this movie was different than the American he found in 2005 while making "Borat." An indicator of this is the fact that the film had more actors than the previous film and felt more staged than ever before. Maybe we're becoming more tolerant as a country, and that's problematic for Sacha Baron Cohen, and good news for us.

July 13, 2009

Bruno: Not Funny Enough

At no point in "Bruno" did I think I was watching Sacha Baron Cohen play a gay nazi fashionista Austrian named Bruno. Rather I felt like was watching an actual person, not an actor playing one, that's how convincing his performance was. While I do think it's too early to start announcing nominations, I hope that someone shows Cohen some love for his fearless (literally) performance. It takes a huge balls to do the things he does in the movie, and I think he risk taking should be commended.

Beyond the performance Cohen, I found the movie to be decent; funny but not sidesplitting, and most of all incredibly shocking. More than Borat, I felt that Cohen deliberately intended to shock his audience first, and then make us laugh. A scene involving an open casting call for young babies induced many "that's fucked up yo" responses from the audience but no chuckles. It was almost if the filmmakers only wanted to show you just how out of control the quest for fame in our country has become.

This film felt far more fictional than Borat, and I think it was supposed to. There were more characters then the previous film, and the story was also more dependent on them than before, Borat after all was about Pamela Anderson and the climax had him stuffing her in a bag (a joke which never gets old). Yet, Cohen succesfully modified his shtick from Borat and created a new beast, one that didn't lampoon the problems in our society, it skewered them and roasted them over the American lack of tolerance, I just wish it could have been funnier.

July 10, 2009

Forget about Obama, check out Sarkozy thinking "Yo Obama, welcome to Europe."

Who Cares About The Green Lantern?

Bradley Cooper, Ryan Wilson, Justin Timberlake are the three finalists to play Green Lantern. Honestly, I don't know why this is a big deal because most people don't know shit about the Green Lantern. Hell, I consider myself I fanboy and even I don't know much about him. All this news about the Green Lantern makes we wonder two things: who/what is the Green Lantern and why is a movie being made about him?

After hours of research I can now safe that The Green Lantern refers to not one, but many intergalactic policemen who use one power ring on their finger to fight the forces of evil that exist throughout the universe. Uhhh, ok, when it comes to hand based superheroes, I'll take the badass dude with the claws that come out of his hands, not the Limited Too obsessed ring based hero.

As for the movie, you'd think that Warner Brothers would be more interested in making a movie about Superman. His logo is one of the most recognizable in the Universe, he has a rich history of actors playing him, and most importantly his powers are very cinematic (well more cinematic than a magic ring). And while "Superman Returns" turned the hero into a brooding whiny sucka MC, a new movie that featured Superman punching dudes through building or tearing giant city threatening robots to shreds would definitely require a viewing.

A dude with a magic ring, I'll pass.

July 9, 2009

Haven't You Always Wanted To Be In the Foot Clan?

One of the stranger parts of living in LA is that you get recruited to join the Foot Clan, which if I'm not mistaken is a New York based Crime syndicate. Of course this recruitment "casting call" is clearly a sign that the crime lord known as "Shredder" has extended his spiky grip across the country and I shudder to think what his next plan is. Here's hoping that there are some teenagers in New York playing with baby turtles and then that the turtles fall into the sewer where they will come in contact with some green shit and then meet a Kung Fu Master who has recently become an oversized rat.
Here's the info.

When: Saturday, July 18, 2009 10:00 a.m. – 1:00 p.m.

Where: Hollywood & Highland
6801 Hollywood Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90028
*At Grand Staircase

Who: Judges to include actor and martial arts expert Ernie Reyes, Jr., Jason Morgan from the American Taekwondo Association, and 2011 TMNT movie producers Scott Mednick and Galen Walker.

Audition: 30-Second Martial Arts Demo (Single Person Only)

No metal, sharp or bladed weapons of any kind allowed

Photo and updated resume with contact information

Fourteen years or older (under 18 must have adult permission for audition)

July 8, 2009

New District 9 Trailer IS AMAZING

Damn, just like that this film rockets to one of my most anticipated of August. Expect a full blog post about this film tomorrow.

The Rocketeer is a CLASSIC!

I was five years old when this flick came out and I remember it like it  was the peanut butter and jelly sandwhich I ate yesterday (the switch the grape preserve and crunchy peanut butter was wildly fulfilling). What do I remember from this classic. Ahhhhhh, son, 

I remember the initial flight of the rocket. 
I recall Jennifer Connelly looking hot in a Rita Hayworth Shawshank way.  
How about John Locke (Terry O'Quinn) as Howard Hughes. 
Or Timothy Dalton as an Hollywood star who is really a Nazi, including switching to a crazy german accent out of nowhere in the end.
Another moment that is clearer than my vision when I put on my rex bex when playing basketball is the part when our hero takes the bubblegum of the rocket and gives it to the cunning villian (who promptly blows up son!)

Sometimes I feel for kids these days, a film like this provides a sense of wonder, a sense of magic that now is only delivered with gigantic robots. As a child, the rocket Pack seemed attainable, something I could have maybe even created on my own. But a giant talking car that turned into a highly armed killing machine, I didn't even consider wanting that. I just wanted, wait, no I still want, my rocket pack.

July 7, 2009

Day One Trailer

For all you "Losties" out there (and I guess you poor poor souls who still watch Heroes) here's the new show from "Lost" and "Heroes" writer Jesse Alexander.

Remembering MJ (For a scalped ticket)

"DUDE, I'm going to the funeral baby, I just got tickets" 
-Man in bar 7/5/09

I don't know if the hype around Michael Jackson's funeral today is normal. When any superstar dies there is a massive public turnout, but there is something about this funeral that feels different. Maybe it's the way the ticket is a hot item with people bidding for it on ebay and craigslist.  Maybe it's the movie theaters that are streaming the event. Or the 3 million price tag for the city. Or perhaps it's just the massive public turnaround in how people remember the man in the mirror, but the whole event seems very surreal, but it's fitting for a man who was surreal himself. Then again, what isn't surreal in thislalife.

UPDATE: Watching this Memorial Live right now, and it seriously emotional. Very very classy.

July 6, 2009

Jennifer's Body Trailer

Based off the hotness of Fox I would say this trailer is for the fellas, but hey this is female empowerment people, I mean, you know the kind where the ladies eat the fellows. How Quaint.

July 5, 2009

The Hurt Locker: An Attempt to Understand The Iraq War

I have no idea what the Iraq War is like. Sure I can watch "Generation Kill" and see that there appears to be great camaraderie and a startlingly large amount of down time. I can read articles and know that it's a politically delicate situation. And I can play "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare" and blow away countless terrorists on max volume from the comfort of my large ultra plushy couch, yet the actual experience of war is foreign to me. The film "The Hurt Locker" is an excellent attempt to understand the both physical and psychological aspects of the Iraq War.

Masterfully directed by Katherine Bigelow (Point Break) and starring Jeremy Renner (who already has deserved Oscar buzz for his performance) and Anthony Mackie (highly underated ), this is an extrodinary peek into the lives of a bomb defusal unit in Iraq. Whether it is a car bomb situation next to the UN or an sniper standoff in the barren desert, the film is wired with so much tension, it was hard for me to sit still. Unlike other war films like "Body of Lies" and "The Kingdom" there is no elusive mastermind to track, and the narrative feels a little weak because of it.

At first this lack of a strong narrative bothered me, but then I realized, there isn't a core narrative in this war in Iraq War. The "mastermind" Saddam was captured in 2003, and we're still going. Heroes in the war come and go with each pentagon news blast. It's a continuing cycle, and the film has a similar structure. I mentioned before the film is attempt to understand the Iraq War, I use the word "attempt" because I believe no media can do the war justice simply because the viewer/reader has not lived through the experiences.

The last shot of a bomb defusal technician walking down a street alone towards an uncertain future is a perfect visiaul metaphor for this endless path the Iraq War currently has. Sure, end dates, goals, and benchmarks may be set (and met), but as long as there still are US troops in Iraq, there is no ending, damn, maybe there hasn't even been a middle yet.

July 2, 2009

This is my new desktop background...

The desktop background question is one that melts the mind of many computer owner. What do you put? Keep the chill brah mon apple one that comes with computer? The lame pattern that comes with PC's. Do you put a picture of place you wish to travel one day? A picture of you and your friends drinking beeyahs out of sneakers? It's a tough question no doubt, and I'm not going into the super heady philosophical debates involved in it (Hot Babes or Fast Cars?).

Recently I started using the picture above as my background, and it's safe to say, my life has improved exponentially. Since I threw up Simba and the guys (WTF are Scar are those evil hyenas doing by the way) my life has improved greatly. First I got a door in my apartment. Second my Halo and Rock Band skills drastically improved to levels where now I can actually back up the smack I talk on my headset. And third, because of the simple fact I look at Mufasa all day, I can now bench press 200 pounds and navigate ass through LA traffic like I was in a Wildebeest stampede (of course I don't die saving my son Simba at the end).

Thanks Simba.

July 1, 2009

What Transformer's 5 Day 200 Million Dollar Box Office Can Buy You

Optimus Loves The Cash!

1. 211,764,706 Nerds, not people with massive glasses and pocket protectors, I'm talking about boxes of the candy.
2. 1000 trips to space where you could potentially be just that closer to Cybertron.
3. 8700 brand new 5th generation camaros, just like  Bumblebee, so you too can have a robot car which will help you score babes.
4. 5 Us Air Force Blackbird spy planes that were featured in the movie as the old scottish Decepticon featured in the movie
5. 10,000 Months in a luxury apartment in Santa Monica so you can be closer to Megan Fox, who is rumored to live there when she isn't fighting evil robots or making dudes salivate.
6. 4,211 semesters at Yale, the college where it looks like Shia goes in the film
7. About 20,000,000 weed brownies like the one's the old lady eats in the film. Keep in mind for all you cannabis enjoyers out there, that's 10 bones a pop.
8. A luxury trip to Egypt to visit the tomb of the Leaders Matrix (WTF was that about by the way) for you and your 19,000 friends.
9. 5 Million top of the line OPTIMUS PRIME mega action figures.
10. Enough money to make a real live transformer. Or an army of them if you so wish.