May 31, 2009

Does this man name the hurricanes?

Today marks the first official day of Hurricane season 2009. And while hurricanes are no joke, I do find the naming process for them to be fascinating. Here is how I believe they name the hurricanes.

1. In the offices of the National Weather Service, there is a mysterious floor not listed on the elevator. You can only get there by taking a stair case hidden behind the Tornado guy's desk. Upon reaching the floor, the hurricane naming oracle will give you a name, this is what the oracle looks like.

2. They take the name of the first born son of the oldest intern in the office and work their way up.

3. Every year on the June first, the employees engage in a massive game of scrabble, and the most adept wordsman is crowned the king of the naming.

4. They take the names from the summer's movies. If this is true I hope they make to "O" so we can have hurricane Optimus.

5. Jay Judah names them. You can read about his naming skills at

May 29, 2009

UP Review: The Spirit of Adventure

At any point in life, people often have the opportunity for the fantastic. "Up" is a film about embracing that moment, no matter your age. If there is one buzzword about UP, it is "Adventure." Fitting that that a film featuring such a grand adventure, would prove to be such a massive ride through the joys the cinema can provide. This is a film that is tremendously emotional, hilariously funny, and full of action thrills.

While other PIXAR films have some great laughs sprinkled throughout the story, "Up" is a full on comedy. While it's hard for me to explain many of the laughs without ruining the story, the film was so hilarious that when I was walking out I realized that the bar set for "The Hangover," "Funny People," and "Bruno" had now been set very high. Also thrown into the comedy package is some pouding action. The duel through the clouds that caps off the end of the film is a masterpiece of animation direction that is as much thrilling as it is visually stunning.

I can't say anything to explain how emotional this film is. It's like PIXAR took the entire sequence from the end of Ratatouille, combined with the the Space Dance from "WALL-E", and threw a couple doses of "You've got a friend in me." From the allusions to the crushing loss that Carl and his wife Ellie suffer as a young couple (yes they go there), to the troubled family life of the young boy Russell, and even the longings of the antagonist (who I won't reveal), this movie floors you over and over again, and then lifts the spirits, where, you guessed it, up. Much credit is due to composer Michael Giacchino for creating an original motiff that plays in these crucial scenes.

I am not ready to say that "Up" is better than "Ratatouille", but I'm getting there. It is by far the best film I have seen this summer and the best film I have seen this year. There are so many levels to it. It is as much a film about aging as it as about adventure. It's laugh out loud funny. It has thrilling action (even a great OHHH SHIITTT moment) And like all good films it reminds you of the magic of movies.

May 28, 2009

Batman and Hollywood's Obsession with the Reboot

When "Batman Begins" came out in 2005, people were a little confused if it was a sequel. And while it clear in the title, that this Batman was something new, the concept of a do-over for such an established franchise was un-heard of at the time. My, have times changed.

Since "Batman" we have seen massive franchises resurrected: James Bond and Star Trek all got the reboot treatment. Now comes word that studios want to kick-start the "Alien", "Predator", "Ghostbusters," and "Robocop" franchises again, all with reboots. Hell even "The Fantastic Four" which is a new franchise is getting the reboot treatment.

Besides the opportunity for huge money and fresh faces, I think part of the trend of the re-boots has to deal with America's love of second chances. Everyone loves a comeback. People want to see Lebron James come back from being down 3-1. They were thrilled when Mickey Rourke returned with vigor in "The Wrestler." More recently the Syracuse Lacrosse team won the national championship on a comeback. So here's to the reboot, and thanks Batman.

May 27, 2009

Looking Back to Look "Up": Ratatouille

In anticipation of "Up," I will be discussing PIXAR films this week.
"Ratatouille" is my favorite of all the PIXAR films. With it's huge library of consistently amazing movies, the choice should have been a hard one, but for me, it was super easy. Easier than choosing if "Die Hard with a Vengeance" over "Die Hard" or "Spiderman 2" above "X2." The story of Remy the rat is the superior PIXAR film because not only does it have strong characters, a great story, and delicious ending, but it was the film that brought PIXAR into the stratosphere of cinematic greatness.

From a technical standpoint every PIXAR film up to the Parisian masterpiece was just a warm up. The "Toy Story & A Bug's Life" established the groundwork, "Monsters Inc" gave us realistic looking fur, "Finding Nemo" dazzling water effects, "Incredibles" fluid human animations, and "Cars" enhanced action effects. All of these elements come to fruition in "Ratatouille," but PIXAR films are never about the technology are they?

"Ratatouille" for me is about companionship. It's about the relationship that Remy has with the other rats who think he's silly cause he wants to eat gourmet delicacies not trash, who call him naive for trusting humans. The film soars on the strength of the relationship of Remy with his human partner Linguini, and although they can't speak to each other, form an amazing friendship. Linguini has a great relationship with Colete, who is the lone woman in the male dominated kitchen. And finally, it's about our, and when I say our, I mean the entire animal kingdom's relationship with food. If there is any doubt about how tantalizing this film is, just peep the clip below which should serve up a reminder.

May 21, 2009

Terminator Salvation: The Review

"Terminator Salvation" delivers the "OHHHHHH SHITTTTTT" moments that I crave from my summer movies. Yeah it has it's flaws, but when I'm seeing John Connor (Christian Bale) scream at a gigantic Terminator robot scratching his face, I don't worry about little things like...ummm....acting.

Some of the acting is quite good. Bale, Sam Worthington, and especially Anton Yelchin do some great work for a summer movie. However, Common, on the other hand, dude, maybe you were inspired to act poorly because your last CD, the aptly titled "Universal Mind Control" was weak in itself. I'm a fan of Common, but dude can't act.

But what's with all this ACTing talk, what really matters is the ACTION, and boy does the film deliver. There many sequences here that are well directed and just totally badass. I haven't seen a film with this many explosions since, damn, I can't remember, Pearl Harbor?. The price of the gasoline used to create these fireballs probably drove the national gas price up.

After the film ended, I left tremendously satisfied. This is popcorn summer action goodness at it's finest. Sure "Star Trek" is a better all around movie, but "Salvation" delivers better and more "Ohhhh Shit" moments. Oh yeah before I forgot, Arnold does appear, and he rules, and it's not really a cameo. The theatre went bananas when he appeared, which is funny cause he's still the Governor. Guess it's just part of thislalife.

May 20, 2009

Earthquakes Are Rude

With other nature related events, there is some type of warning. Something along the lines of the following.

That's a huge cloud, I wonder if a Tornado will come out of it and start tossing Cows around.

Wow, it's cold, cloudy, and the weather man told me to expect snow, probably shouldn't drive to Chuck E Cheeses.

But Earthquakes, that's a different story. One minute you're at work in six story building, and the next you are shaking, thinking if this is the big one, you know the one that makes LA into an Island. They don't last that long, but the beating of my heart after does. In thislalife, we've had two earthquakes in three days, both of them in the same spot.

Earthquakes don't ring the doorbell, they chew with their mouths open, and fart in elevators. They're rude. But hey, I guess their just a little part of thislalife.

May 18, 2009

24 Points About 24: Hours 23 & 24

1. The graphics on the screen in the crisis room are the most intense power point presentation I've ever seen.
2. The bad guys can afford a blue tooth for themselves, but Jack can't find the money for a blue tooth, he's rocking that wired headless, that could get in the way of his terrorist killing abilities.
3. Evil hippies from Glendale are such goofy bros, always hanging out at the airport making jokes, cutting their heads in car doors. WTF?
4. Apparently the bad guys have the ability to get cell phone service anywhere (even in tunnels), if that is Starkwood secret military technology, lemme get some of that!
5. Haven't seen Jack dual wield pistols since Season 1!
6. "Jack Please, another red head, oh god, she even looks me, Jack if you are working with her, I'm right here, why don't you notice me?" says Olivia as she spies the new red-head chick with Jack.
7. I don't know why Agent Pierce even bothers with that sling for his arm, unless it's a cover for the fact that he is totally fine, and is ready to start.....icing......fools.
8. Eight hours ago the white house was the scene of a gigantic battle with General Juma, and now it looks like nothing happened. Maybe Tim's magic phone has the ability to repair a battle scene.
9. The writers have done a good job of really making Olivia Taylor a villain during these past couple of episodes, but she really turned the bitch meter to full throttle during these first 20 minutes.
10. Kim is definitely from the Bauer bloodline, Kim instantly goes for the pen as an improvised weapon.
11. That Airport security guy thought that hiding behind the Styrofoam cup box would be a good deal, should have hid behind the box of ancient medieval shields.
12. That chip uttered a whimper of truth when it was crushed by Olivia Taylor.
13. Jack takes the needle to the throat, and then the surreal dream sequence begins. Audrey Raines is dancing with Marwan as they attend Jack's wedding where George Mason was the best man.
14. Besides Cougar evasion tactics, Kim Bauer obviously learned a couple of things from her father including how to track a suspect and ignore pain when sticking your hand in a fire.
15. I wish they showed us what other mp3's Ethan on that disc. Little Kings of Leon, a tid of In Flames, maybe some Creedence Clearwater, and finally a remix of Justin Timberlake and Madonna's "4 minutes."
16. In one moment, Jack redeems himself from a season of non-exciting kills. A throat slash, a throat rip, and throat strangulation. Shame he couldn't have continued the carpenter trend he started with the screwdriver and used a hammer.
17. Jack uses a back hoe earlier this season and so Tony has to use a fork-lift. This is a trend of escalation that I can hope culminates next season in Jack as Optimus Prime and Tony as Megatron fight to the death.
18. In terms of epic confrotations between Jack and Tony, this little talk in a garage is epic. Kiefer, I tell you, headbutt or not, christmas tree killer or not, this man can act.
19. Will Patton, I don't know if it's the music, the scenery, the set-up, or what, but he is seemed super evil.
20. I love the use of helicopters in 24. That's it point 21, helicopters in 24, great!
21. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE! There can be one blond: Kim. One black haired chick: Janeane (pains me to say it). One brown haired girl (Chloe). And one red head: Walker. Everyone else just gets smoked by Tony.
22. "If I can save them, I can save myself." Deep, Jack, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
23. "Try to make choices you can live with. " Thanks Jack when is your self help book coming out?
24 (A) Is Jack Bauer going to become a muslim next year? If so, I'm readddddy/
24 (B) Glad that President Taylor stays firm in her beliefs and doesn't waiver. Good to have a strong female on the show that isn't a buxom red head.
24 (C) In closing, the most important line for me was Kim Bauer's "I'm not ready to let you go." And you know what, after a satisfying season that completely made up for last season's debacle, I'm not ready to let Jack go either.

Angels And Demons: A Great Movie (If It Was On The History Channel)

"Angels & Demons" film feels like a phoned in history channel thriller that librarians watch with a cup a chamomile tea when they want to have an exciting break from reading Proust. The thrills aren't really that exciting, there is plenty of talking to calm the nerves, and enough history to help a 10th grader pass his Catholic history test. It's a shame, because the book of which it is based is a gripping page turner.

I knew the movie wasn't going to deliver on the summer OS (ohhhhhhhh shitttttttt moments, see previous posts) when in the beginning four people are kidnapped, one dude is a killed, and one eyeball is removed and all I got was some cheesy Natural History museum special effects on anti-matter. This is a summer movie, I got popcorn covered in butter in my lap, gimme something exciting here!

Like a family bogged down with toddlers in the Rome, the film slowly moves along through Rome and Vatican as T. Hanks solves the mysteries. He needs to take some clues from my main meng Jack Bauer, because while the bad guy says a Cardinal will die every hour and then EVERYONE will die at midnight, T. Hanks still has the time to take showers, change his clothes, and talk about history (all things that matter not to Saint Bauer).

All in all, as someone who read the book, has been lucky enough to have been to the Vatican, "Angels and Demons" doesn't deliver the thriller goods. Thank God the 24 finale is tonight.

May 15, 2009

Watching Movies Based On Books You've Already Read

The image above is ambigram, which means if you turn you head (don't strain your neck) it will look the same upside down. It comes from the book Angels & Demons by Dan Brown, which the film that comes out today is based off of. I have read the book, and like all Dan Brown books I found it to be extremely enjoyable in a trashy page turner way. Yet with the movie coming out today, I just don't feel that jazzed about it because I know every twist and turn of the story. How this knowledge of the plot impacts my enjoyment is a different question.

It all comes down to the presentation. It starts with casting. The characters have to kind of fit with the way you imagine them. Harry Potter, dude looks exactly like I thought he would like. Tom Hanks as Robert Langon, ahhhh, he's too nice, Langdon as I pictured him was a little bit more Clooney. Then it comes down production design. This part is either cooler or as I pictured it would be in the book.

And finally in true TPG fashion it's gotta have that "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh shittttttttt" (usually followed by me punching the arm of the person next to me) action moments as I pictured them from the book. For example, in "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix", I envisioned the battle between at the Ministry almost exactly as it was presented in the book, I was satisfied (except for the bit about the statues not coming to life, but whatever, Harry Potter nerds sometimes have to settle for a Nimbus 2000, when you want a Firebolt).

So "Angels and Demons," I'll give you a chance, but you deliver that on that presentation (and those ohhhhhhhhhh shittttttttttt) moments, I'll be pleased.

May 14, 2009

The Nine Trailer

Here we have the trailer for the new Daniel Day Lewis film "Nine." It's a musical and stars so many actress the paparazzi will probably faint at the premiere. The line-up includes Sophia Loren, Judi Dench, Kate Hudson, Penelope Cruz, Nicole Kidman, and......Fergie. Yeah, Fergie, well. I wish I could tell you more, but my mind is reeeeeeeling from "Lost" last night.

May 13, 2009

5 Thoughts Going into the Lost Finale

1. 2 weeks ago I got my hair cut to look like Jack Sheppard. It has been the greatest hair cut I have ever had, what does that mean? It means I am Jacob.

2. I have already seen the Finale episode, I watched it four years ago, John Locke showed up at my dorm room at handed me a DVD, said it was important.

3. I don't care to watch it because I read a spoiler that told me that the whole Island is actually a civilization that lives on Vincent's back

4. I was preoccupied with the Trek, in case you can't tell.

5. I was watching Fringe and thinking about that finale, wait just kidding, I wasn't watching Fringe, but maybe I should have been.

May 11, 2009

24 Points About 24: Hour 22

1. Is that Nic Cage from "The Rock" inside the chemical chamber?
2. "This device will allow us to talk to each other," says to Gibran along with some hogwash about terrorist attacks, but what Tony really wanted to tell him, was that he was going to talk to him about the NBA playoffs "Yo Gibran, it's Tony, what's good with those Rockets, Yao Ming injury, come on?"
3. This wig wearing assassin broad has got nothing from the wig wearing assassin broad goddess from 24 past: Mandy
4. Bauer is the only person who gets to used needles, this terrorist dude who wants that morphine, he isn't getting nothing.
5. "I'm only supposed to use it (the number) if there's a problem" I would say that Jack Bauer's finger in your trachea is a slight problem.
6. Janaene, I've honestly run out of mid 90's movies to reference to show that you are dated and my least favorite part of the show.
7. I'm surprised the terrorist's special cell phone number didn't call Tim at the white house, who's phone may I remind you is a superphone which is a Iphone, Blackberry, Nintendo DS, tamagotchi, and PSP combined.
8. I gotta say that the yell that erupted when the farm boy Red Skins's lightbacker dude told Gibran to put the earpiece back in was loud enough to startle the neighbors, who are louder than pre-teen Jonas Brothers fans.
9. Agent Pierce, didn't you learn anything from Martha Logan, you can't trust these Presidential family members, they are psycho. Every season, they are nuttier, than chunky peanut butter with almonds and a inkling of cashews.
10. The gay reporter had balls big enough to give it to Olivia straight. Boom, 24 is getting super progressive.
11. "The package is in place, and my wig is staying on, as for the glasses, they are messing up my eyesight, come on Tony, why did you make me where these."
12. My mom is quick to point out that someone with a nerve disease like Jack can drive extremely well and put people in choke holds like nobody's business.
13. Kim is all paranoid in the subway, she's never forgotten that cougar business
14. It's a UMP device, damn that CIP module must be jealous. And in the darkness lurks the RSR device, smiling evily.
15. Jack can thank the senate for giving him the insight to realize that if he's about to torture someone it proves wise to tell the government agents to leave.
16. I was a little disapointed that Jack didn't headbutt Tony. Art imitates life, or life imitates art, with Jack and Kiefer, I can't tell the difference anymore. I don't mind.
17. So everyone gets off the train, but no one gets on? What is this platform 9 and 3/4.
18. Jack gives a little smile to Olivia, and gets a hug, but Jack come on you got a season finale ahead of you, this aint ova, you aint got time for lovin.
19. The chick with the giant wig would definetly stand out amongst the crowd of ummm, cops, FBI guys, who specialize is spotting shady people.
20. Jack, poor move, picking the shadiest looking guy to tail your daughter. He also happens to be one of many terrible FBI agents who have zero skills when it comes to combat. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE AND HIS NAME IS LORD JACK BAUER<---Video is amazing!!! 21. Agent Pierce has his act together, on this show, it's literally him and Jack vs the rest of the world. Honestly, where's our spin-off. 22. I thought that Olivia was bidding on an ebay item not selling her soul away after killing J. Hodge. 23. Jack looks longinly at the muslims bros, and we learn Jack has a heart. Luckily, Jack now has a new villian, evil California brah man hippies from Glendale California.
24. So the season starts with Jack bustings out Tony and it looks like it ends with him having to break him out again. Is this a time loop? And if so, does this mean my main meng DUBAKU will rise from the grave and return once more!! Yes!!!

May 10, 2009

Trekking for the President

Between the come down from "The Trek" and the sneaking realization that "Angels & Demons" just won't be that good, I had to reflect on "The Trek" and what it means. The truth though, is that it doesn't really mean that much in the grand scheme of the world. While people will make goofy photos like the one above and hope to convey some type of visual message, the bottom line is "The Trek" is just a film, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Watching the film, I didn't think that anything was a metaphor for the current state of the world. Unlike "The Dark Knight" where gargantuan themes of heroism, vigilantism, and anarchy where throw around with serious power, "The Trek" was just a blast of excitement.

If I had to stretch for some hidden meaning, I would say that Obama is not Spock. Spock, like Sylar on "Heroes", is a class A nerd, if didn't have that Vulcan death grip, he probably would be getting stomped out for his lunch money in the alley behind Comic-Con.

He's the obsessive play-designer to Kirk's pointguard. And if history tells us anything, the guy with clipboard isn't the guy getting the glory. If Kirk is Obama then David Axelrod is Spock, or if you want to get really deep, the American people are Spock. Guess we need to start changing our ears.

May 8, 2009

Star Trek: Delivers on Every Level

"Star Trek" is everything you want in a summer film. It has tremendous action that literally had popcorn falling out of my mouth as it hung open in awe. I think no matter how far science takes us, seeing a giant spaceship soar through the galaxy never gets old, and seeing that same spaceship engage in battle is top notch spectacle. But besides the dope as hell special effects, what makes The Trek so enjoyable are the memorable characters.

Kirk, played by Chris Pine, is a total badass. He's the prototype male action hero, the ladies swoon over him, and the dudes think he's a chillbrahdude. Spock isn't as cool as Kirk, but he's not supposed to be, and Zach Quinto (aka the once might Sylar from "Heroes") really nails the performance. And the the supporting cast including John Cho (aka half of the Harold & Kumar du0) and Anton Yelchin all are spot on.

So with its breathtaking action, out of this world sound, great characters, and a strong script the film delivers. And I must say that almost all of this can be attributed to the director JJ Abrams. He took a risk making a movie this bold, and he has gone where no director has gone before: taking an iconic (and nothing is more nerdy than the trek) and converting into in mainstream goodness*.
*Batman and Bond don't count in this case

May 5, 2009

Marvel, I mean FOX, set to make Deadpool movie

Yesterday it was announced that Fox is developing a spin off of it's crapfest, er, I mean movie, called "X-Men Origins: Wolverine." The spinoff will star Ryan Reynolds as "Deadpool," who was in the Hugh Jackman muscle fest as Wade Wilson (aka Deadpool). Of course it doesn't matter that the character had the following things happen to him in "Wolverine."

1. Golden locks of hair cut off
2. Mouth sewn shut
3. Blades jammed into his arms
4. Oh yeah, his head lopped off

I guess people should be excited. Deadpool's character was one of the best parts of the film, so his spin-off has potential. Ryan Reynolds is a pretty funny dude, hell "Van Wilder" is hilarious, at least, it was hilarious when I was in High School, 5 years ago. On a deeply meta level, the character of Deadpool is one of the only characters who breaks the "fourth wall." For all you narrative rookies out there, it means that the character talks directly to the audience. Think of "Malcom in the Middle" or "Ferris Bueller" except instead of being cute teenagers lamenting American adolescence, Deadpool would just be a solo assassin killing people. How American?


May 4, 2009

24 Points About 24: Hour 21

1. Can't tell if Tony is limping around or just walking with swagger it's weighing him down.
2. There always is the question: What would the bad guys do if the guy who the plan hinges on simply just said no.
3. Jack says he doesn't like "racial profiling," but just 3 seasons ago, he was snack-crackling-poppiling fingers of AMNESTY international lawyer like it was nothing.
4. I feel for Chloe, Jack is her only friend, besides, the probable millions of the friends she has in World of Warcraft, where she is a level 68 night elf.
5. Jack needs to get his ass healthy so he is in fighting shape for the finale. This time last week Jack was suiting up with a full arsenal to go take out his father and about 200 Chinese dudes.
6. The whole situation of "do what I say, and you are going to live through this" is a great flip on the traditional structure of 24. Usually it's Jack and Tony enlisting a civilian to do some wild task to save the day, now it's Tony and his Motley Crue using the same tactics for evil.
7. "Lecture on conscience," line coming from Olivia Taylor, this is a woman that "has relations" with reporters and now she's lecturing her pal Martin about ethics.
8. Is this Martin dude, a hitman, because if so, he is the first gay hitman on "24."
9. This dude in the brown suit with Jonas Hodges has got to be the one of two 52 year old U.S. Marshall ever.
10. "Tibbet, sounds like a dog breed," J. Hodges keep the hysterical lines coming.
11. How does Hodges get ready to leave for Andrews Air Force Base when all he has in his possessions is his integrity, his wallet, and his name, which he forged with blood and sweat, in case you forgot.
12. Mr. Go Har could very well be "Mr. Go Hard" which means he goes hard, 110% every day of the week. He doesn't sleep, he doesn't eat, he just goes hard in all of his endeavors.
13. Putting Jack in a mosque is like putting a 8 year old boy in Candy Shop, he just can't stand still.
14. This scene where Jack confronts the Inman is the peak of years of bad relations with muslims. I like the writers are start taking responsiblity for the show, I mean after all it does directly impact American policy.
15. Why does the Arab American's son look like from he is from Uncle Jedidiah Smith's cow farm in Idaho?
16. You'd think the Farm Boy arab brother would put the pieces together that maybe his brother's shady white friends dressed in all black have something to do with his sudden change toward extremism.
17. Olivia Taylor makes the smart choice and doesn't choose to push the green button, but of course, like JoJo its too little too late
18. Jack has gone from Muslim hater to a man with understanding of Islam. What's next Season eight, Jack Bauer converts, and films a buddy comedy season with zombie Marwan and Behrooooooooz.
19. Remember when the first husband was choke slamming underage secret service agents off balconies and into tables, damn seems like ages ago.
20. Jonas Hodges just got up and walked into the car, what was the point of the wheelchair?
21. I was going to say what's with the emotional Big Fish type music and Hodges holding the photo and finally something blows, at the 48 minute mark, coudln't have come soon enough.
22. "Tim and the Magic Cell Phone." This sounds like a great children's book about a young man in the white house who finds a magic cell phone that transforms his life and shows him and the people around him the value of communication.
23. Agent Walker is running around telling any random dude in LA that Jack is infected, have a little respect for the man, otherwise he might shoot you in the neck again.
24. Weak...episode.

Hero Captain To Become Heroic Movie Star

Today it was announced that Richard Phillips, the Captain of the ship who fought off the pirates, and then was rescued signed with Creative Artists Agency. They will be helping him navigate the waters of film and book deals.

This is just one example of how life is becoming a movie. I mean, it's not that surprising considering the whole saga of Captain Phillips plays like a summer blockbuster. Pirates, courageous crew members, badass NAVY SEALS, noble captains, bravery, valor, you know the usual dope action movie business. I mean how can Hollywood resist?

The really interesting question here though regards the future of Captain Phillips. Is he going to continue at Sea, or will the waters of Hollywood prove more thrilling and perhaps more profitable?

May 1, 2009

Wolverine: You should have killed more Commandos

When the best things of the midnight opener of "Wolverine" are the dude dressed exactly like the man himself (yes, claws included), the people throwing cards at the screen when "Gambit" appears, and the collective groan of the audience when the scene after the credits is a waste. Basically, the movie sucks, it does not deliver as an action movie or as a fanboy flick.

It doesn't take much to please the nerds, I mean, the place went bananas when "Gambit" just physically appeared. However, the fact that not a single throwaway mutant doesn't even appear during a mutant jailbreak was claw to kidney of all fanboys. One of the best parts of the X-Men movies are the mutants from the comics who appear. Think of Colossus's cameo in X2, Multiple Man in X3, things like that. There is nothing like that at all in this flick. And if there is, it's not clear enough (Quicksilver maybe makes a cameo, but honestly, who is Quicksilver, let me get some Omega Red).

But beyond the nerd complaints, the weak story, and the un-inspired direction, the major flaw with the film is the lack of quality action. Rather than show Wolverine in all his glory, the film is edited so rapidly you can't appreciate it. For example when Wolverine kills all those commandos in the mansion in X2, you know exactly what he's doing, you see it, the camera lingers. In this film, first off, he doesn't kill nearly enough commandos, and when he does fight, it's so rapid, it's tough to tell what's going on. I wanna see claws in chests, not rapid fire editing that reminds me of Hancock

To sum it all up, this movie was a massive disappointment. Granted it's probably like that because I was so excited for the film I considered taping knives to my hands and was screaming like Logan himself while waiting in line. But either way, this movie doesn't deliver at all. In other news, check out this awesome picture from IRON MAN 2!