November 4, 2009

Prince of Persia Trailer (Where are the Chompers)

1. It has a lot of jumping, which is a staple of the Prince, tons of jumping, he's training for the Olympics, competing against long time Gold Medal holder, Italian superstar Mario.

2. Jake Gyllenhaal does not look like a Prince, especially not of Persia, not of anywhere.

3. They are quick to remind us that film is from the "Pirates of the Caribbean" guys, this would explain why all these Persians all have British accents.

4. Sandstorms are the new tidal waves, don't let the people from 2012 know.

5. At one point in time Gyllenhalalalallah was supposed to play Spiderman, good to see that he now is finally getting to his aerial acrobatics, to bad they will not compare to current TV star Chris O'Donnell's aerial acrobatics in "Batman & Robin."

6. The trailer doesn't include any staples of the original game including but not limited to potions, chompers, spikes, gates, falling floor plates, tiny steps, heroic mouses, fat offensive level six guards, and hard to kill level 9 defensive guards,.

7. The narration is straight out of some late night stoner friendly history special on the end of the world.

8. "Sands of Time" is a direct rip-off of the Cape Cod National Park short film "The Sands of Time," which I saw on the infamous 7th grade Cape Cod trip, where legendary blogger Jay Judah may or may not have been present, where also my candy addiction begin to show it's early stages.

9. The original game was wildly gory, with chompers, ummm, chomping people in half, spikes impaling you, and bloody deaths by gravity, where is that now Jerry B?

10. Director Mike Newell made "Four Weddings and a Funeral" and has said in a recent interview that Hugh Grant will be have a cameo as the Prince's brother. This is not true, but considering all Persians are British in this world, I wouldn't be surprised.

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