New Moon Fever Sweeps The Nation: Are You Safe?

While millions of fans are enjoying "New Moon" this weekend, there is a dark and tragic underside to this mania. You see with almost every girl in the universe devouring this books, there is another group of society that is victimized: teenage boys. You see, thanks to Twilight, now every young boy must either be a broody vampire with crazy hair who may or may not be really into classical music (don't even get me started on diamond skin) or a ripped werewolf. What ever happened to being really smart or good at sports?

It's times like this that a young man must just hope he'll get chomped on by a wolf or attacked by a vampiro. If I'm going out, let's hope the Vampire Queen of Louisiana gets me.