November 30, 2009

Iron Man Poster 2


November 24, 2009

Thanksgiving Interpretations

This one came from Shaq's Twitter Feed.

Just A Little Zombie Thanksgiving, oh my, that's not a turkey he's cooking up

Star Wars Thanksgiving

Arnold Thanksgiving

Not Really Sure What's Going On Here

Is this real?

November 23, 2009

2012 Fills A Hole In The Film Universe

"2012" is the film that I've been waiting for years. It fulfills a promise made to me 14 years ago by film auteur Kevin Costner. And it fills a giant blank space in the film universe. IT IS THE LONG AWAITED PREQUEL TO WATERWORLD.

At the end of "2012" the human race is on a whole bunch of boats, or arcs, floating in the ocean. That's it, that's how it ends, however I'm told after the credits Dennis Hopper shows up to show how the renegade smokers are born. Also, a film attendent took a break from keeping the "New Moon" hordes at bay and told me that The Mariner, aka Coster is clearly visible in the background of many scenes.

This is earth shattering news people, Waterworld is a forgotten classic that was way ahead of it's time. Rumor has it that Al Gore hosts midnight screenings of on the harvest moon of the third month of each year. So do yourself a favor, go see 2012, and then go rent Waterworld, I promise you, you'll that convenient or not, you'll find some truth there.

November 20, 2009

New Moon Fever Sweeps The Nation: Are You Safe?

While millions of fans are enjoying "New Moon" this weekend, there is a dark and tragic underside to this mania. You see with almost every girl in the universe devouring this books, there is another group of society that is victimized: teenage boys. You see, thanks to Twilight, now every young boy must either be a broody vampire with crazy hair who may or may not be really into classical music (don't even get me started on diamond skin) or a ripped werewolf. What ever happened to being really smart or good at sports?

It's times like this that a young man must just hope he'll get chomped on by a wolf or attacked by a vampiro. If I'm going out, let's hope the Vampire Queen of Louisiana gets me.

November 18, 2009

World of Call of Duty?

For all you gamers out there, check out this little tidbit from LA Times reporter Ben Fritz's article regarding a potential Modern Warfare sequel
"One person close to the company said it also was considering adapting Call of Duty as a massively multi-player online world. The genre, in which Activision's Blizzard Entertainment subsidiary is a leader, requires huge upfront investments but can be very profitable as players pay a monthly subscription fee"
Whoah! As if the leveling up in Modern Warfare 2 wasn't enough, get ready to be a level 80 night elf with a thermal scope automatic weapon and riot shild.

Lost Season 6 Poster

I can't hold it in anymore, I'm so excited for the final Season of LOST that I have spent a solid 45 minutes coming over the details in the poster. I've analyzed everything from the placement of the characters to the spots and slashes in the letters. Couple things to notice

1. Faraday, Boone, Miles, Michael, Ana Lucia, Charlotte, Lapidus, Shannon, Desmond, Mr. Eko, Kate, Jack, Sawyer, Locke, Ben, Sayid, Libby, Sun, Jin, Claire, Hurley, Juliet, Charlie, Richard, Bernard, Rose and Vincent all appear on the poster.

2. Locke's back is turned to us, this is important, probably because he is evil.

3. 2010 has four digits, which is the same amount of letters in "LOST." I'm just kidding this is not a clue, or is it?

4. There clearly is shark fin over Desmond and Mr. Eko's head which either alludes to Desmond's real life sexual harrasment case or Mr. Eko's prowess at driving a "shark" submarine in GI JOE.

5. The smoke monster is all over the poster, that's him in the black background.

November 17, 2009

Oscar Sleeper Snores Loudly: Crazy Heart

The Dude returns, this time he's bowling for the Oscar. Starring four time Academy Award winner Jeff Bridges as an aging country singer, the film basically looks like "The Wrestler" except substitute country music for wrestling. I've always been a fan of Bridges, and while I know that many of my peers admire him for his brah man performance as "The Dude" (which is the lamest Halloween costume ever), I'm a fan of his work in the criminally unseen "Arlington Road."

I thought that Morgan Freeman was going to be a instant win for "Invictus," but "Crazy Heart" has really shaken things up.

November 16, 2009

Understanding G.I. Joe

If you recall, earlier in the summer I spoke about how I felt I was out of the GI JOE demographic and I felt terrible for not wanting to see it. Well I guess I couldn't live with myself because under the cover of dahkness I rented it from netflix. So, after a totally un-successful weekend campaign to convince my friends to watch G.I. Joe, I was forced to finish the film by myself on a small screen as the hours of the weekend waned away on Sunday night.

What I found surprised me, not in a "wow, this movie is going to win best picture way" but more in a "this is one of the most bat-shit crazy movies I've ever seen way." It's full of wild destruction of landmarks, secret underwater bases in the the Sahara, and cameos from people from "The Mummy" movies, and yes I'm talking about Brendan Frasier and ImmmmmoooooTep. The action was reasonably well directed, Stephen Sommers has stepped his game up since "Van Helsing," but the whole thing just felt very surreal.

It hovered in a space between violent and cartoon spectacle, which is exactly where you don't want to be. "Transformers" is all spectacle, "Saving Private Ryan" is all violent, and this is like Saving Private Ryan, but with evil sharks and nanotechnology robots eating people's brains. So I guess, my initial gut reaction was correct, I should have avoided GI JOE, it just was too much for me. And now that I'm old, I can't handle it all.

November 13, 2009

Water On The Moon Part 2: The Possibilities

Now that water was found in the moon, the moon is currently the object of my imagination, so here is what we can expect on a lunar level in the near future.

1. Quidditch- With the low gravity of the moon, players could ride self propulsion devices and actually play the legendary game in real life. When I realized this was possible, I fell out of my chair, and then drank some Polyjuice potion, and paid a visit to the Deathy Hallows set to say hello to Hermione

2. Skateboarding- The moon gravity feature from the Tony Hawk pro-skater video games will now become a reality making extreme sports, much more extreme now, mahn.

3. NASA Ice Cream will now be the start of a long line of brands that involve the moon. Italians, the owner of the legendary "Italian Ice" dynasty, will succumb to the power of moon ice, and there will be order in the ice cream world once more.

4. The moon landing will now be revealed to be totally true, and all the haters will have begin to cook up new theories regarding Mars.

5. Plans are already in the works for the first concert to be held on the moon, my vote would be for Daft Punk.

6. Wes Anderson will finally be able to shoot his movie in space (who cares?)

Water on the Moon

Please tell me that the news that there is water on the moon is not some huge viral marketing scheme for "Twilight: New Moon."

November 11, 2009

Glee's Not So Gleeful Take On Disability

After all the meathead baseball jocks dominated TV with their "sports" (I didn't see any Yankees doing the single ladies dance), "Glee" returns to the airwaves this evening. And while it's return will bring fans much uhhhh, joy, many people in the disability community are far from ecstatic about the show, in particular, tonight's episode (AP Article Here).

Word on the street is the Artie (Kevin McHale) will have his own musical number tonight. The song is "Proud Mary" and the Glee club members will join him in wheelchairs for the song (surprised they have time to do this in between all that damn pregnancy drama). The disability community is not mad about the song choice (hey, some people get fired up about Glee songs), they are upset that the McHale is not disabled (SEE THE SHOCKING PICTURE BELOW), and believe his role should have gone to someone who is.

I'm a big fan of "Glee" and I'm totally on the side of the disability community with this issue. While I understand that the producers have a responsibility to the hire ups to cast the best performer, I can't help but feel sad about the massive opportunity the "Glee" folks missed with this casting. It would have sent a powerful message and created a positive role model for other disabled actors. Gloria Castaneda, head of Media State Access, a California state office that promotes actors with disabilities said this:

"When a person with a disability sees a positive image on TV that looks like them, their whole attitude changes. It gives them hope for what they can do in the future,"

Glee is a bold show. There are strong positive characters of different races, sexual identities, and religions. It has tackled such serious topics as teen pregnancy and sexuality. So why can't it step up on the bright stage and belt one powerful jam out for the disabled community?

November 10, 2009

Kick-Ass Trailer

Trailer Park | MySpace Video

I don't want to say but it looks like it kicks a lot of....

How Spiderman 4 Web Slanging Should Work

After watching this video, it is clear to me that Spiderman 4 needs to be rated "R" and feature spiderman tethering enemies to planes, sticking them to lamp posts (wait he already does that), and webbing them to  gas canisters.

Answering The Call of Duty

In case you were wondering, those are night vision goggles. If you're follow up question is whether wearing night vision googles will enhance your ability meet beautiful people of the opposite sex, that is something that you need to find yourself. Either way, you should know that today, November 10th is the day that "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2" comes out to the world. It has been billed as the biggest "entertainment launch" in history.

I will be acquiring this game, but not without slight trepidation. As computer processor power increases, so does the power of video games. Games now can be considered "art," see Sony's recent game"Flower." Yet video games can also be wildly real.

As these games become more and more intense, I worry that they will dull us to the real horrors of war. The  recent tragic events at Fort Hood remind us that violence is real and terrifying. Prior to the release of Modern Warfare, a minor controversy erupted over a portion of the game where the player tags along on a terrorist mission, killing innocents at an crowded Airport (great piece on it here).

I can only say that as games increase in their intensity and realism, I wish the game creators start thinking more about their responsibility as content creators. The Pentagon has a Hollywood Liason department (who seems to work extra hard on the Transformer's Movies), so perhaps they should be turning their eyes to "Call of Duty" world. It's a massive influence on how people young and old view warfare and violence, and you don't need night vision goggles to see that.

November 9, 2009

Weekend Wrap Up: Christmas Caroling For November

Why is Jim Carrey flying in this poster? Since when does Ace have the powers of flight? But let's cut the chase here, and by chase, I mean the lame re-adaptation of "A Christmas Carol" the play I have seen more than any other play in the brief history of TPG's timeline of plays.

I'm a big fan of ye ole ACC for many reasons. The first is that it features my main man Tiny Tim, a cheerful ball of Christmas joy that brightens up my soul every holiday season. The second is the ghost of Jacob Marley always got me good, with the chains and all, but I apologize I'm getting off track here. Why was this film even made? And why was it not live action?

Every time I see one of these Robert Zemeckis CGI movies all i think of is how much cooler they would be if they were live action. Beowulf cutting off his own arm and ripping out a dragon's heart, yeah wish it was live action. The Polar Express arriving in the North Pole, god dayum, I wish it was real. Jacob Marrrrrrleeeyyyy's ghost showing up, yeah wish it was en realidad as well.

If I wanted to see CGI trickery, I would go play Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2.

November 6, 2009

November 5, 2009

Danny Boyle Picks His New Movie

Danny Boyle has decided that his next movie (link takes you to the story) will be about legendary climber Aron Ralston. This is exciting for a multitude of reasons, that I'll break down right here.

1. In a world of fictional badasses, Aron Ralston is the real deal. Dude broke his own arm, sawed threw with a dull knife, and then made it safety (and tons of accolades in the world). In the great badass spectrum, he's somewhere in the stratosphere.

2. Danny Boyle is one of the most interesting directors in the game right now. He continually challenges himself with his movies. He re-invented the zombie genre with "28 Days Later," melted people's hearts won some serious hardware with "Slumdog," and made the criminally underatted "Millions."

3. Climbing movies are always intense. See "Touching The Void."

4. Dude sawed his own arm

5. Dude sawed his own arm

November 4, 2009

Nightmare Status

This is the stuff nightmares are made of. It's real.

Prince of Persia Trailer (Where are the Chompers)

1. It has a lot of jumping, which is a staple of the Prince, tons of jumping, he's training for the Olympics, competing against long time Gold Medal holder, Italian superstar Mario.

2. Jake Gyllenhaal does not look like a Prince, especially not of Persia, not of anywhere.

3. They are quick to remind us that film is from the "Pirates of the Caribbean" guys, this would explain why all these Persians all have British accents.

4. Sandstorms are the new tidal waves, don't let the people from 2012 know.

5. At one point in time Gyllenhalalalallah was supposed to play Spiderman, good to see that he now is finally getting to his aerial acrobatics, to bad they will not compare to current TV star Chris O'Donnell's aerial acrobatics in "Batman & Robin."

6. The trailer doesn't include any staples of the original game including but not limited to potions, chompers, spikes, gates, falling floor plates, tiny steps, heroic mouses, fat offensive level six guards, and hard to kill level 9 defensive guards,.

7. The narration is straight out of some late night stoner friendly history special on the end of the world.

8. "Sands of Time" is a direct rip-off of the Cape Cod National Park short film "The Sands of Time," which I saw on the infamous 7th grade Cape Cod trip, where legendary blogger Jay Judah may or may not have been present, where also my candy addiction begin to show it's early stages.

9. The original game was wildly gory, with chompers, ummm, chomping people in half, spikes impaling you, and bloody deaths by gravity, where is that now Jerry B?

10. Director Mike Newell made "Four Weddings and a Funeral" and has said in a recent interview that Hugh Grant will be have a cameo as the Prince's brother. This is not true, but considering all Persians are British in this world, I wouldn't be surprised.

November 3, 2009

Tom Hardy Will Eat You

Take a look at this man. This is a man who doesn't like it when people take a look at him. How do I know this? I know this because he has blood all over his chest, and rule #43 in the TPG book of life, you don't look at jacked terrifying dudes with blood all over their chest. In case you were wondering rule #42 is always eat the fortune cookie after your read the fortune.

This is man is Tom Hardy and he's the the next big thing in Hollywood. He has been getting rave reviews for his performance in a film called "Bronson" (trailer here). Recently he has been in the news because Arthur Miller has cast him and Charlize Theron in the next "Mad Max" film, wait, did I say Arthur Miller, I meant George Miller. Arthur Miller, wrote "The Crucible" and "Death Of A Salesman" which is light years away from Mad Max, sorry to spite you there Arty.

Tom Hardy seems like the real deal, in fact he very well could be the action movie badass that the world needs right now. And, let me just one thing clear, Sam Worthington's AMC (action movie cred) plummeted once he decided to go all blue on us in "Avatar." Maybe he can save it with "Clash of the Titans", but when I pit the AMC or Hardy vs the AMC or Worthington, even in this picture, Hardy still takes the hardware, the trophy, and the cake.

Worthington holding a Trash Can Lid