September 30, 2009

Who is the audience for the Fantastic Mr Fox?

After watching this trailer, it's clear to me that this movie is going to be either incredibly mind expandingly awesome or spitting on Roald Dahls grave terrible. It really makes me wonder who the audience for this film is?

1. Animals- Research has proven that stop motion animation is easier for animals to process, so a stop motion animation movie about animals  will really blow your dog, fish, iguana, or ferret, or South American based caiman away.

2. 20 Something Year Old Bro's Who Like Plants And I Aint Talking about Gardenias

3. 20 Something Year Old Bro's Who Like Plants And I Aint Talking about Gardenias Who Are Now 43 Year Fathers Who Wish They Were 20 Something Year Old Bros....

4. Wes Anderson- Rumors abound say he directed this movie over email, so he might be there opening night. Source here

5. Disciples of Wes Anderson- Dude you haven't seen "The Royal Tennabuams" are you kidding, seriously, best movie ever, wait let me drink my PBR, ahh damn, my chuck Taylors are untied, ahhh never Arcade Fire album leak on pitchfork, ahhhh Life Aquatic, Bill Murray is God, brah. Those types of dudes.

September 29, 2009

The Ghost And The Darkness Is A Strange Ass Movie, yo

Yeah, that's some dude getting smoked by a gigantic lion. No it's not the bloody out-takes from "Planet Earth," it's a just a picture from the 1996 film "The Ghost and the Darkness." The story deals with an Irish engineer (played by the man who was once Batman: Val Kilmer) and his hunter buddy/prophet/white African friend (Michael Douglas, aka the man who would go on to marry Catherine Zeta Jones). Together they hunt two gigantic lions who are dining on the all you can eat buffet of railroad workers and assorted British nationals posted up in Africa.

This is one of those flicks that I wanted to see as a child, but couldn't convince Dad, or anybody's Dad to take me and my buddies to. Recently, as I usually do, I was debating if a man could kill a lion with his bare hands and someone quaintly replied "Yo that dude in "The Ghost And The Darkness" does it." BOOM, suddenly I had to see it, so I rapidly removed some bullshit movie like Citizen Kane from the top of my netflix que and bumped this movie, the spiritual sequel to "The Lion King" to the top.

But man what a weird flick. There are too many sequences of Lions randomly chowing down on helpless bros in graphic detail. Douglas plays a bizarre hunter who had his his whole tribe killed, but it's strange because he looks like an Australian cowboy from Arizona. Kilmer is pretty badass, his "Irish" accent fades halfway through the movie. And the lions, well damn, they look very real, so real in fact it makes me wonder if people were actually eaten during the production of the film. Obviously that couldn't be real, or could it?

September 28, 2009

Weekend Wrap Up (All over Roman)

Poor old Roman Polanski, one minute you're living the good life in Europe, jetting off around the continent picking up hardware, then BAMMMM, you're getting arrested for some 31 year criminal charges. And in other news "Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs" continued to dominate the box office.

The Roman Polanski thing certainly is a strange one, here is a dude who raped a 13 year old girl way back in the day, and then skipped out of the country when it looked like he have to face the facts and do some time. Now he's become a mega icon in European cinema and some people are losing their minds that he might have to take some responsibility for his actions. Not really gonna weigh in because I don't know all the facts, but the whole thing is a surreal part of

Regarding the box office, it's clear we are in a dead zone of solid flicks. I mean, "The Surrogates" was shot in my home town and I had no desire to see it. It was my chance to see the streets I used to dominate during the capture the flag as a youth on the silver screen and I passed. Oh well, when does "Where The Wild Things Are" come out.

September 25, 2009

Have a good weekend, go party with some prawns

We're having a Prawn Party yo

Coping With Paranormal Activity

"Paranormal Activity" was so way more scary than I could have ever imagined. It's a simple movie, a couple suspects their house may be haunted so they video tape everything, both what they do in the day and what happens at night. By the end of the movie the entire audience was dreading the night sequences. Straight up terrifying! Here are some of the ways I coped at 2:30 AM last night.

1. On the car ride home I bumped "The Finer Things" by Steve Winwood at max volume

2. Watched every episode of "Glee" even though there was some dude asleep on the couch next to me.

3. Looked at this website which pairs up makes you choose between two kittens. Of course the one you don't choose doesn't get haunted or anything, it just keeps being cute

4. Sought solace in twitter (follow me here) in realizing that I wasn't alone in the fact that I couldn't sleep, people who saw the movie across the whole country were experiencing the same thing

5. During the flick I punched Jay Judah of the legendary over and over again

6. Watched ET but then I realized that ET freaks me out so then I watched Bad Boys II, but I was still damaged, so I just went to sleep and decided to ride this thing out.

Go see it.

September 24, 2009

Paranormal Activity: Hype Worthy?


I might not make it to the screening tonight, I'm a little under the weather, and the line might be massive. What screening? The "Paranormal Activity" screening being held in Los Angeles (and other cities across the country) this evening. Directed by newcomer Oren Peli, the film which has been on the festival circuit for a while now, gets a limited release on Friday. Billed as haunted house thriller in the vein of "The Blair Witch Project," the film has been generating serious buzz from around the film spectrum including nerdy ass bloggers (who me?) and even Steven Spielberg.

There is a chance the film could suck harder the Phillies closer Brad Lidge's performance this season, yet I'm thinking, or you could say, I'm pondering that this movie is going to bring the scary thunder and the lightning for that matter. 

September 23, 2009

Everyday Heroics: Grandpa The Bank Robber Buster

Every now and then someone just has to step to the plate and deliver with a grand slam. This Grandpa is the perfect example. He recognizes the situation and then acts, and by act, I mean regulating Warren G style. I like to tell myself that I could do what he did in this situation, but I'm not that sure. In my wild world of imagination I'm thinking that ol Gramps here had some combat experience, and by combat experience I think he was an everyday John Matrix

September 22, 2009

Obama's Next Television Move

Now the he is has tackled both Leno and Letterman, President Obama is now rumored to be turning his media machine to scripted television. Here is what he is thinking.

1. Flash Forward- Unbeknownst to the American public, the commander in chief will have a two episode arc starting tonight. In the episode, he will appear as the President who when he blacks out, sees himself as the only chill brah dude potato farmer in Hawaii.

2. Dancing With The Stars- Barrack shows up, unbuttons his tie, looks into Tom Delay's soul and says "Let's do this." He then proceeds to light the dance floor on fire with the flyest dance moves since "Step Up 2 The Streets."

3. Lost- Warning Lost Language Begins Now: In a parallel time line created when Jughead explodes after Juliet detonates, a young president Obama takes Horace's place as the leader of the Dharma initiative.

4. 24- Extremely upset about the season 7 deaths of Special Agent Larry Moss and legendary villian Dubaku, the leader of the free world appears as Bauer's new partner who promises to not get emotional like that fool Curtis Manning and take care of that pesky turn coat Tony Almeida once and for all.

5. Glee- The President is slated to appear as a new member of the Acafellas.

September 21, 2009

Weekend Wrap Up

Another weekend passes by and I can report that I did not step in the movie theatre. The fallout from the summer movie season continues. Box office was kind to the 3D God's once again, with "Cloudy With A Chance of Meaaaataballlz" taking that number one spot. As for Jennifer and her body, she didn't do so hot. Some people are saying this is the end of Megan Fox and the demise of "Juno" screenwriter Diablo Cody, and to that I say, blehhhhh, who really cares? I don't want to sound sexist, but let's be honest here folks, Fox is only famous because she is sizzling. She's like the 2007-2010 version of Alicia Silverstone. She'll be gone in no time.

The same shows that I don't watch continued to win awards at the emmys, mainly "30 Rock" and "Mad Men," but I was happy to see my man Michael Emerson, aka Ben Linus pick up some much earned hardware. Yet, after last weeks award show fireworks, I was infuriated that Kanye or one of his doppelgangers didn't storm the stage. I actually bet the producers were hoping something like that would happen, mark my words, something similar will go down at the Oscars. With 10 best pictures nominations, and a new voting system, the Academy really wants to be hip, and there is nothing more hip that having a major star bum rush the stage. You wait and see.

September 18, 2009

Weekend Video Substitutions

It's not that I'm not interested in Jennifer, or her body even, I'm just not that captivated by it on the silver screen. Why should I pay my hard earned cash to just watch the body on the screen? Let' not kid ourselves, that's why anybody is going to see this film.  After all, isn't it much easier to watch this video? (no idea why it is in Russian):

You guy's wanted Jennifer's Body, there you have it. And now for the rest of the audience who wants Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, here's some dude named BLAZE and he's going to teach you how to make meatballs, you can supply the clouds, the story, and the 3D.

As for the other releases this weekend, "Love Happens" and "The Informant," well just say I just "informed" you about Megan Fox and Meatballs so if you could cook those meatballs for Megan Fox then maybe "Love would happen." Have a good weekend folks.

September 17, 2009

Driving in LA like Batman

Let's talk about driving here people, not the usual Saturday morning drive to the garbage dump in the family van, but the real deal LA freeway driving. I'll be the first to say that I'm not the best driver in the world, but I'm not the worst either. I'm like the Commissioner Gordon of driving, I'm not "Batman," but I do my part.

But recently I've found myself becoming more and more like the "Dahhhhhhhhk Knight" on the road. The reason for this is the got dayummmmmmm mergers on the highways here in LA. Merging onto the 5, merging onto the 101, it doesn't matter, the merge, the physical act of two roads becoming one, call it road marriage, call it road sex, it doesn't matter, but it really brings out the worst in people. 

I'm sitting there, doing my part, I've been in the left lane for a while now, and then some chief wants to sneak in at the last minute. Sorry pal, I'm the "Dahhhhhhhhk Knight" now, any other day, I'd let you in, maybe even flash you a thumbs up, but not now, not today buddy. You can sit in the lane acting like people are being difficult, when it is you, you interloper of lanes, who is the blight of thislalife driving experience.

All I'm saying, give me 5 more years in this city and all my drives even if they are 20 yards long will be like the video featured above.

September 16, 2009

No Plans For Superman? Maybe DC Comic Doesn't Have Their Act Together

It appears like DC comics may have been smoking a little too much of that bomb ass Kyrptonite Chronic, because today Diane Nelson, head of DC entertainment revealed they have no plans for a new Superman movie. I recently wrote about DC might just be getting their act together, but it appears that I have been deceived. Or per chance, this decision to not forge forward with the man of steel is a good one. After all, he is a bit of a bore. Yet once again, I can't see how a well done Superman flick could suck. I'm thinking Neill Blomkamp should direct.

And while Superman won't be crying about lost love on the silver screen any time soon, I can but read into this announcement as a clue that the new Batman movie is closer than we expect. Ahhh, new Batman flick, now we're talking Dark Knight status.

September 15, 2009

An Action Icon Falls: Remembering Patrick Swayze:

Patrick Swayze died yesterday at the age of 57. While I know many of the ladies out there remember him dancing dirty and taking care of business with clay, I will remember his an action hero. When thinking of dope 80's actions movies, it's easy to only recall Arnold, Sly, and if you're feeling generous, maybe even Van Damme. Yet while that trio made wildly uneven films, Mr. Swayze brought the thunder, the lightning, and the torrential rain with a trinity of action movies: "Red Dawn," "Road House," and "Point Break."

 I can see that each of these movies defined some parts of my life. The first, "Red Dawn" occupied my 5th-6th grade, NAVY SEALS are the greatest breathing thing on the planet phase, a.k.a., I kind of wish my home town would get invaded, so I could go into the woods with my buddies and fight phase. Of course now that I'm older and I realize guerrilla warfare on our soil would probably not be fun, yet thanks to Swayze's work as the Wolverine leader Jed in "Red Dawn" it looked pretty damn appealing.

Now I'm not a really physically intimidating dude, I once ate 15 pudding cups at lunch in seventh grade in a spectacle of raw power, but that doesn't measure up  in the throat ripping badass spectrum. Yet somehow I managed to spend my summer of 2007 working as a doorman at a busy Cambridge bar. It was there that the wise older doorman taught me the ways of being a bouncer, and his first lesson to me was this: watch "Road House." So I did, and now thanks to Mr Swayze I was, am, and will be a better bouncer and person.

Which brings me to "Point Break." I'll be honest and say I was late to this party, I didn't see it until 2006, but since then I've probably seen it 10 times. This is a movie that introduced me to thislalife, a land where surfer bros named Bodhi could very well be Buddha, bank robbing presidents roam the streets, and the meatballs subs are so good you need to get two of them. Swayze's work in this film is amazing, everything from his introduction as some type of wave born surf god to his amazingly absurd philosophical quotes that he drops everywhere. And so Mr. Swayze, let me use one of your quotes to send you off.

" If you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It's not tragic to die doing what you love. "


September 14, 2009

The Weekend Wrap Up September 13th 2009

On the second weekend of the ninth month of 2009, Kanye West attempted to drop truth on Taylor Swift, True Blood ran dry (for now at least), and the great vortex of productive Sunday's known as the NFL officially began.

Taylor Swift is America's sweetheart, and Kanye West is our resident musical "genius" and apparently the two of them are "cool" after their little dust-up. However, I'm not buying it for a hot minute, it is clear through Swift's previous diss records (going after Joe Jonas) she is not one to back down. West on the other has no idea what he got himself into with this teenager, rapper beef is nothing compared to teenage rage, and I think Swift has a got a dark streak in her, check out her KISS get-up.

As for True Blood, besides the bull goring Mary Anne, I wasn't that impressed with the whole finale. I knew it was going to be disappointing when the resident Rambo, aka Jason Stackhouse, rolled into the devil party armed to the teeth and then quickly succumbed to the black eye syndrome without even blasting one small piece of his arsenal. Sometimes you want an epic showdown, and all you get with is Evan Rachel Wood playing Yahtzee, such is life.

I didn't realize how much time the NFL can suck from a young man's soul. Damn, it's so easy to sit there and watch football, it's like the couch is magnetic or demonic. In fact, not only is the couch possessed but it releases some type of pheromone that makes u crave pizza. I counted about an hour and 3 minutes before someone said "I think we should order pizza" like they were some type of robot. I'm trying to be healthy, and avoid that gut expanding pie of deliciousness, and luckily I had an escape plan ("Uhh, I have a dinner party to go to"). But damn, I don't know how long I'll last through the season

Stay tuned, should have some mind blowing posts this week.

September 9, 2009

How To Admit Your Bro's You Like Cheesy Movies And Other Assorted Predicaments

Being a bro has tons of benefits. You get to sit around crush beyahs, ice 12 year olds in Halo, roll deep to movies, and stay up late as hell and have "deep conversations." However, things can get complicated when you're watching a movie and you have a very un-broish reaction to something you see. For example, I cried during "Up," real awkward, I'm sitting there laughing at the dogs flying fighter planes, and then BAM, that ending hits, and I'm crying, my buddies are looking at me, like damn, dude, what the shit?

Two days ago I saw "Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist"(on a airplane bro, I wouldn't rent it bro) and while I didn't have those "Up" tears flowing, I thought it was a well crafted movie with strong characters and an engaging story line. I also dug the hipster brah man vampire devandra band of horses soundtrack.

Yet I'm not going to bust in on an epic session of Rock Band and tell my bros about the sensitive romantic comedy that I dug. So here is a tired and true plan for admitting, if you even want to, that you enjoyed the film

1. Bring Up It's Attributes- It's got great cinematography dude and the screenwriting is flawless, it's almost as good as Conan,  I'm telling you. You gotta pass it off as some sort of miraculous feat of film making.

2. Mention The Hot Babes In It- Dude, Ashley from Entourage is in it and dances in front of car, I don't care what you say brah, toss my a natty light, yeah, I'm telling she's hot as hell

3. Hype The Comedy, Downplay the Romance- Dude, you always haven't seen an episode of "Arrested Development," Michael Cera is hilarious in anything he's in, especially "Black Hawk Down", wait, what he wasn't in "Black Hawk Down", yeah whatever, toss me a natty light.

4. And If All Else Fails, You Always Have the Chick Recon Defense= Dude, you know how many chicks like this movie, when I'm at a bar, I'll be like "yo, I love Nick and Norah" and they'll be like, "yeah me too, let's go take a walk outside." You think you can say something like "The splash damage from my spartan laser kill on Valhalla last night on team slayer was filthy?"
 No gotta hit them with the Nick and Norah.

It's a good movie all these people also think so.

September 8, 2009

The Joys of Old School Photography

I recently took at trip with my good friends to Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica. When I opened my old school Jansport backpack, I was dismayed that I had packed a shitload of batteries, yet I had forgotten my digital camera. Oh my digital camera, it has lasted through over three continents, 9 countries, and one or more jello parties at college, and here I was in a tropical location that was screaming for photos, and I was digital less.

So I did what I did on my 8th grade trip to Washington, you know the trip where I learned how to blow bubble gum bubbles the size of my fist. The trip where a kid fell asleep snoring and all in front of Supreme Court Justice Anton Scalia. I bought a dispensable wide up camera for 8 dollars and shooting away at the tropical locations around me. I did not see what my photo looked like on a LCD screen, rather I envisioned what they would like in my mind.

Now the camera is being developed in some  LA franchise chain pharmacy hybrid along with many others. I'll get those old school envelopes, the kind where the fold is just a little too sticky, and suddenly instead of seeing memories on my screen, the same one that I stare at all day, I'll be holding them in my hands. Memories for mis manos (thats hands in Spanish, yo) and hard copy memories for a lifetime.

September 3, 2009

Is DC Getting Their Act Together?

DC comics is an enigma. Here you have a comics company with, no doubt, the biggest super heroes in the world in Batman and Superman, yet they still not nearly as big as Marvel. "The Dark Knight" is the biggest movie of the century on almost every level. However on the flip side, "Superman Returns" was a soul crushing disappointment. How much? Let me go on a little tangent here.

Is it too much to have Superman punch someone? Seriously he spent the whole movie crying like he was Harry Potter in Order of the Phoenix, I don't pay my hard earned summer loot to see Superman cry and moan about love lost to Cyclops, I pay money to see him punch bad guys over skyscrapers.

But wait, something is happening. DC comics is slowly getting their act together. They wisely ditched the Justice League movie, and now have some promising flicks in development. "Lobo" announced yesterday has Guy Ritchie set to direct. "Jonah Hex" comes up next year, and "Green Lantern" starring Deadpool, is due soon after that. So they might be getting their act together. I mean success with these movies is simple, it involves one thing:

Punch dudes through/over/on top/ through building. Don't believe me, just ask Marvel. They figured that out with Iron Man, and look where they are now?

September 2, 2009

Boondock Saints: All Saint Day Trailer

I wonder if they will have any exploding cats in this one?

Living With The Fires

The fires in Los Angeles are a terrifying reminder of never ending battle between the earth and it's inhabitants. My heart goes out to all the people who have lost their homes, belongings, and loved ones in the fire. The strangest things about the fires is that, from my vantage point, you can only see their glowing life forms at night. In the day they are just looming dark clouds above the city, but at night, they show themselves to the world. It's almost as if they are vampires, sucking the life out of the land.

I wake up to a sepia toned morning where the sun is blotted out by smoke. My car has a light layer of ash, that in some ways is easy similar to the snow that falls back in the east. A quick flick of the windshield wipers and it's gone. This ash could be from a burning bush or it could from some one's memories, carried up and over the mountains to my 97 Honda Accord.

Where I work in Santa Monica, the fire is a bizarre beacon of where my house is. I just need to look North East to the massive gray blob that hovers in the sky like a space ship. My drive home is windows down with sporadic blasts of the A/C because I don't want the crispy smell to seep into the car.

The fire looks like it may be contained, I hope that it is.

September 1, 2009

One Step Closer To Jurassic Park

Today was the day that Jurassic Park came one water vibrating footstep closer to being reality. As a lover of all things wild and fantastic, I am elated to hear the news that a scientist in Montreal has found a way to turn chicken's into dinosaurs. Yes you read that correctly, here's a link to the full article and a snippet of it is featured below:

"Larsson believes by flipping certain genetic levers during a chicken embryo's development, he can reproduce the dinosaur anatomy, he told AFP in an interview."

I'm not entirely sure what flipping genetic levers means, I thought genetics was all about Punnet squares and lower case letters squaring off against upper case letters. While I'm a little perplexed why Doctor Hammond, I mean, um, Dr. Larson is focusing on chickens (why not Komodo dragons?), I can't complain. I guess Dr. Grant was correct when he said dinosaurs became our chicken nuggets.

Cue the Jurassic Park clip!