May 18, 2009

Angels And Demons: A Great Movie (If It Was On The History Channel)

"Angels & Demons" film feels like a phoned in history channel thriller that librarians watch with a cup a chamomile tea when they want to have an exciting break from reading Proust. The thrills aren't really that exciting, there is plenty of talking to calm the nerves, and enough history to help a 10th grader pass his Catholic history test. It's a shame, because the book of which it is based is a gripping page turner.

I knew the movie wasn't going to deliver on the summer OS (ohhhhhhhh shitttttttt moments, see previous posts) when in the beginning four people are kidnapped, one dude is a killed, and one eyeball is removed and all I got was some cheesy Natural History museum special effects on anti-matter. This is a summer movie, I got popcorn covered in butter in my lap, gimme something exciting here!

Like a family bogged down with toddlers in the Rome, the film slowly moves along through Rome and Vatican as T. Hanks solves the mysteries. He needs to take some clues from my main meng Jack Bauer, because while the bad guy says a Cardinal will die every hour and then EVERYONE will die at midnight, T. Hanks still has the time to take showers, change his clothes, and talk about history (all things that matter not to Saint Bauer).

All in all, as someone who read the book, has been lucky enough to have been to the Vatican, "Angels and Demons" doesn't deliver the thriller goods. Thank God the 24 finale is tonight.

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