February 24, 2009

50 Cent Loves America And Hates Terrorists

"50 Cent Blood on The Sand" came out yesterday, and if "Watchmen" wasn't coming out next week I'd say this has the potential to be the highlight of March. Here you have a game so stupid, so violent, so obscene, that one cannot be interested by it. As on reviewer said, it's like playing your own "very bad B-Movie." From the brief gameplay footage seen above, it's easy to tell that 50 Cent and his G-Unit boys move throughout the Middle East killing members of the terrorist Horde.

I find this approach to the Middle East conflict to be disturbingly refreshing. Every piece of Media to come out of the war on terror, whether it's "Body of Lies", "24", or "Call of Duty" has been very grim and serious. This approach is different, it's the cartoony fantasy, let's lampoon this war, so we can try to understand it approach. Yet I have a suspicion Fiddy was not thinking of it like that.

We're used to our mythic creations fighting the bad guys in war time, think WWII with Captain America fighting evil Nazis. Is it any surprise that the American gangster character, whether he has a top hat and a Tommy gun or a doo rag and blunt is still so popular. I like seeing 50 Cent kill the terrorists, for a second it makes me forget the real world, the real danger in it, and the real terrorists.

February 23, 2009

24 Points About 24: Hour 10

1. President's daughter looks like a low rent Reese Witherspoon. Really not that a big deal, I mean I'd rather look like a low rent movie star, then a low rent taxi driver.
2. "She's not an asset, Jack, she's a human being." Tell that to all the innocent people that got iced in the line of duty during the course of Jack's storied career. Where to begin, Audrey Raine's husband...
3. Dubaku needs a spin off, seriously, this guy is the man! Consider: he busted up the FBI's bug, convince his girlfriend he wasn't evil, and still get a juicy kiss, and suffers the fate of too many a man today, a jealous girl.
4. Car flip, pretty serious, yup, let's talk about it, I mean, what you say, car just got flipped, you don't see that on American Idol.
5. You know someone's dead when the violins start playing, violins are for weddings or death.
6. That's gotta be terrifying, wake up from a car crash to a blond hair American avenger saying he's going to kill your family.
7. And then he rips up your chest looking for some USB device you hid in your stomach.
8. What a sneaky bastard that Sean is, not only is he taking down the FBI server, but he sneaks into the Womens bathroom.
9. As my friend pointed out, PRINT that PX thumbdrive data, print Chloe.
10. I like how the blonde girl who we thought was just Sean's flame at the beginning, was just his ruse to get away. Great writing and setup.
11. Sean is evil. The blood spit on the face makes you realize that (in case you didn't know). By the way, the camera angles when he was pacing down the hall were crazy.
12. I've never seen this treatment of a mole of 24. It's a great way to establish tension, introduce the mole, catch him, let us think he's going to get away, then catch him again.
13. I was hoping that Sean was going to go kill Janeane Garafalo before he tried to make a run for it.
14. Great writing in the hospital scene, Jack Bauer never answered the question about if he feels anything, and true to his character he doesn't have to.
15. You think anyone pulls a gun on Bauer, FBI Agent Walker or not, and he forgets? He remembers the first person he pulled a water gun on him in pre-school.
16. "Bill's a good guy," so sayeth one of my friends
17. The sunset over the capital, way better than a sunset over Los Angeles.
18. Jack and Tony on the steps of the Capital, great imagery, in fact I kind of want a painting of it. Of course in that painting I'd want to see Captian America, Wolverine, Robert Frost, JFK, Obama, Tom Brady, and David Ortiz.
19. We're almost half way through and still no new bad guy has been revealed, let it be known that I consider General Juma not a new bad guy because he was in Redemption and he's been referred to all season.
20. Episode earned high marks because no or little Janeane Garafalo
21. The ethics debate of the show continues to be interesting. I won't be surprised if Agent Moss has to do use some shady torture techniques to get some information from Sean, a.k.a. Billy Walsh.
22. I wonder if Agent Walker is going to stick around for the whole season, they seem to be setting her up for something, she's either going to take the plunge down the Bauer road and become a American warrior with dark soul, or get capped because I don't see her being on the show next year.
23. I will be upset if the President's daughter goes rogue disobeying her mother, I mean look what happened to her Father.
24. I was disapointed, in fact, I'm crestfallen that Bauer did not engage in a brutal mano y mano fight with Dubaku. There is a long history of Jack facing off against villians, so now fight surprised me. It's OK, it's coming, trust me.
24.5. Preview of next week looks like it's action packed.

February 22, 2009

Oscar Fallout: I'm Wolverine!

Last night at the Oscars, there was two surprises. The first was that Mickey Rourke did not win for best actor, the second, some random movie won for best foreign film. But's let talk about the show's opener, Hugh Jackman was singing, dancing, and basically giving it his all. I loved his techno bit about "The Reader." And then he closes it out, by singing "I'm Wolverine!!!" at the top of his lungs.

Yeah, you are.....bub.

And just like that I realized, I'm pretty jazzed up for "Wolverine," wait, let me re-phrase that, I'm reallly AROD steroid pumped up for "Wolverine".  I love big summer popcorn flicks, I love comics, and I like comic movies with badass heros with knives on their hands.

Besides that the director's (Gavin Hood) last film, "Tsosti" was amazing, what really revs up my engine is the promise of new all these new X-Men characters on the big screen. Seeing Deadpool, Gambit, Sabretooth, Silver Fox, Cyclops, and Wolverine all over the place is going to be a trip. But honestly, it's just a warmup for the Avengers, which is going to be so fly it's going to turn our minds into jelly.

February 18, 2009

Body Of Lies: The Incredible Average Film

How can a movie from Leonardo DiCaprio, the certified boss of films like "Gangs of New York" and "Blood Diamond", and Russell "If you don't like Gladiator you're not human" Crowe be so bland? I mean like action, I like middle east intrigue, I like seeing terrorists get blasted (should be obvious from my love affair with 24), but I didn't care for the movie. It's not that it's bad, it's just that it's not good.

The direction is good enough, but for Ridley Scott, the question is "What have you done for me lately?" Yeah "Gladiator" is the movie that reignited a genre and inspired me to get deez (strong), but "Kingdom of Heaven", let's just say Orlando Bloom aint no Knight. As for the acting, DiCaprio is great, but he only has one good scene. As for Crowe, he just eats the whole time, not exactly Oscar worthy.

In the end, I'm saying avoid it. All the "hype" about it being good, it's all.......not true

February 16, 2009

24 Points About 24: Hour 9


1. Jack Bauer's phone not only works in basements, it also has the direct line to the Oval Office. Is it an Iphone or a Blackberry.
2. "Madam President, I tried to ice that sucka MC, before he blasted your husband, but that beyatch got one shot off"
3. Bill Buchanan gray hair is on point.
4. Dubaku sounded EXACTLY like Ahnuld "you have to leave right naow" when he was talking to his girlfriend. By the way, the scene where he convinced her to leave the country was too emotional than it should be.
5. Agent Walker is probably the only FBI agent who goes into action dressed like she's going out to the club. Tight black jeans, leather jackets, and make-up.
6. Morris O Brien is back, he's gone from getting power drilled in the back by evil Arab terrorists to being Mr. Mom, what a turn a around
7. Janeane "24 show killer" Garafalo is going to engage in another nerd battle with Chloe before the season is done.
8. Hakeem Kae-Kazim (Dubaku) is bringing it, this is a guy who's given pretty standard 24 scenes and absolutely destroys them as an actor.
9. Where's Tony at?
10. If it's a President you would never call her Ma'm, you would call her Madam President.
11. The President's kiss to her husband was the most fake kiss I've ever seen in 24, let me get some of that Jack Bauer Audrey Raines action.
12. The bad guy's girlfriend who's forced into a bad situation by Jack is a staple 24 character.
13. I really like Dubaku, he's a warrior for love, I've totally forgotten he destroyed all those planes, ripped off finger nails, blew up computer programmers, you know all that terrorist stuff, he's on a mission, a mission of passion.
14. This is the second time this season Bauer has forced an innocent African American or African into an extremely dangerous situation.
15. Agent Pierce is the boss and he's back! He's the only character to appear in every season besides Jack.
16."We have one objective here, don't get involved," a key line that basically explains every Bauer action in the course of the show.
17. The driver of the car that Marika was in had the biggest third eye I have ever seen, third being a monstrous zit in the middle of his fore head.
18. This is the best season of who's the 24 mole yet.
19. The random white dude helping Jack Bauer looks like a poor man's Tom Cruise.
20. Why is Dubaku just standing around in public waiting for a car, I mean, shouldn't he be hiding out?
21. That zoom on Dubaku in the end was really creepy.
22.Overall, this season is totally on point. The show is really pulling itself back together from a dismal season 6.
23. I hate to go back on old posts, but I'm so pumped that Agent Pierce is back. He is responsible for my favorite non Jack Bauer kill on 24: the season 5 bad guy who was strapped with a flame thrower. Yeah you know Agent Pierce shot the fuel tank and made that dude blow UP^.
24. Bauer and Walker getting arresting was shocking, unexpected, and totally a great example of how this season is on pace to be on the best seasons ever.

February 15, 2009

George Washington is the BOSS!!

Here's to the the original badass, the original and the coolest GW. Too often we get caught up in the fact that President is a bill signer and a lawmaker. George Washington was a bill signer, but he also was the original American action hero. He was all about rolling on some Lobsters Backs ( revolution slang for redcoats), keeping up with his smoking hot wife (see pic on right), throwing back beers with Sam Adams, and kicking with the boys, and when I say kicking it with the boys, I mean creating countries.

Before Stallone, before Arnold, before Rosevelt, before movies, there was George Washington, a.k.a, the boss of all bosses. Here's to you George. Thanks.

February 12, 2009

The Man Who Could Have Been Bond

"The International" opens today, and I'll be the first to say that I'm not interested. I mean I'm frustrated by the economy but I don't need to kill international bankers over it. Whatever, that's not important, what is important, and continues to be, is the star of that film: Clive Owen.

I first saw Clive Owen way back in the day (which would be 2000) in his first big film "Croupier." Right off tha bat, I thought to myself, this a British dude who one day will be play James Bond. Truth be told, he was offered the role of the tuxedo agent and turned it down. What did he do instead? He made "Children of Men", which is one of the best movies of this decade.

But recently he has been playing very Bond-esque roles. He was the super smooth bank robber in "Inside Man", the heroic gun wizard of "Shoot Em Up" and soon he'll be see as a spy again in "Duplicity." Either way I still think he's a great actor, just not great to make me want to see "The International," but if appeared in the Bond film, perhaps as a bad guy, I'd be there*.

*Then I realize that I would be there for the next Bond movie either way so it does not really matter.

February 11, 2009

Chris Brown & Rihanna: The Ultimate Celebrity Gossip

Bigger than Britney Spears shaving her head. Larger than Paris Hilton in night-vision. Crazier than Lohan; that's what this Chris Brown-Rihanna thing has become. If you don't know, Rihanna is one the biggest pop starlets in the world. Chris Brown is a young succesful pop star  with a golden image. However, on the night of the Grammy's Brown alllegedly got his Conan on and brought the pain on Rihanna.

Violence like this is no joke, I hear Rihanna was seriously injured. However, when I read about this story I am fascinated not by the content that is being reported, but the how and why of the story itself. From one angle, the story is a twisted gossip breakup story about stars. On the other side you have a criminal story, ie finding out the still shady details of what motivated Brown and other facts of the night. And at the end of the day, there still is one aspect of this story that no-one is talking about: age and expectations.

Chris Brown is 19 year old and Rihanna is 20. They both are huge stars, and I have to wonder what toll does such a public lifestyle at a young age have on them. 19 & 20 year old's do stupid things, I'm not saying I was beating up girls when I was 20, but I did some things that were stupid (I'll tell you 20 years from now). Kid's make mistakes, Brown's mistake is an epic one. People are already talking about the effect it will have on his career and if forgiveness is an option, but I think people should to be thinking about the victim first. 

Face Melting Awesomeness: Inglorious Basterds Trailer

Damn, this trailer is bringing it. This looks as good as the script, which was insanely awesome. Brad Pitt looks as cool as I hoped, and I'm digging the spaghetti western style of the whole thing.

Sink 2.0

Yesterday I had my world rocked by this sink. I was at a very swanky Hollywood restaurant eating tons of crazy food and pounding water, so naturally in time, I went the bathroom. When I went to wash my hands, I was terrified by the sink. I mean, it's flat, what's going to happen if there's a splash? Will it get on my pants? Will it look like I had an accident? Where is the water going? Do I need to call my engineer brother for answers? Will this sink someday replace the classic sink that I have been raised on?

And then after all these questions ran out of the faucet of my mind, I realized this simple truth. Flat sinks are all part of thislalife. I've never seen a flat sink in my life back in Boston, I guess back in the Bean, they figure flat sinks aren't trustworthy. Water on the even plane could freeze in the wintertime (winter is a foreign concept in LA). In time I think I'll learn to love this sink, but till then I'm just living in this crazy, mind expanding city called LA

February 9, 2009

24 Points About 24: Hour 8

1. How comforting to know that evil African terrorists with nice apartments, work with Korean shop owners. Talk about an axis of evil.
2. "Bauer!" said the President as she turns around. Does this President not know that Bauer is a trained killing machine. Judging by the music cue, I'd say she DOES know what he's capable of.
3. Jack Bauer is a patriot, but he belongs in the field icing terrorists, not in the oval office holding conferences.
4. Why is that President's aide on the speed dial list of Dubaku? Is he on that cell plan that allows you to have friends, it's him, Dubaku, Dwanye Wade, and Charles Barkley.
5. For a show that features power drills to backs, soldering irons to chests, and other various forms of torture, a little finger cutting is nothing. President's Husband needs to grow up a little.
6. "Ask Around," said Jack Bauer. Coolest line in the series maybe?
7. Lots of whispering in that oval office scene, that's how you stakes are high.
8. Agent Moss has gotta think Jack Bauer is the biggest cock block in the world. But honestly, he's a pencil pushing FBI softie, Jack is a battle trained American hero. Who you think she's going for.
9. Every second that Janeane Garafolo is in the show is a second I wish I was watching Heroes, and Heroes sucks, so that should tell you something.
10. They only meet in places that have prominent D.C. landmarks, so you know that THIS SEASON IS NOT IN L.A.
11. "Are you gonna give me your key's or not, oh and by the way, Renee is totally digging my swagger."
12. Agent Walker whipping out that piece, threatening families, that's vintage Bauer. She must have been watching those 24 box set DVDs.
13. Looks like that baby in the secret service guy's house should lay off the cheetos. That's one fat ass baby.
14. If anything, the car car crashes in this season have been amazing.
15. Finally, a classic Bauer kill. How will Bauercount count classify it? Spinning knife flip of death?
16. Was that Mutombo impostor/double Tim Meadows from 1990's Saturday Night Live?
17. "There are no tomorrows in 24," a great observation from a fellow 24 viewer. Translation, Renee Walker probably aint living through the season if she's about to retire.
18. Why does the terrorist leader have the best romantic plot on the show?
19. Excellent excellent edit from when the RPG was fired at the car to the explosion on the screen.
20. Those terrorists went down so easy cause they were wasted after all that beer that had stashed down there. Lay off the Tsing Tao there and maybe you'll be a better shot.
21. Agent Walker was caught descending a ladder, that's gotta be one of the most rookie FBI moves ever.
22. Definitely did not see the "First Idiot Spouse" getting blasted in the chest in the raid on the hide out. Great to see 24 still surprising us.
23. Very solid episode, a friend told me he thought this episode was weak. I think once, again, this season is maintaining a very high level of quality. This episode had action, knife fights, drama, great lines.
24. Once again, I gotta say, the car based action in this season has been excellent. It's something that has been missing from other seasons of 24 and really sets this season apart.

February 8, 2009

The Gray Sky Dilemna of Los Angeles

It was so damn cold in Los Angeles this weekend. One of these reasons I like living in LA is the fact that when the weekend rolls around, it will be warm. I'll have the option to go to the beach boyeeeee, go mountain climbing brah, or just sit and read "Edgar Sawtelle" on my roof. But when the weekend is gray, and when the weekend is frigid, and the roof is the last place I wanna be, something is off in this town.

Whenever I talk to people back East, I take a little bit of pleasure in being like "What, it's snowing, and freezing back in Boston? Jeez, you don't say, it's sunny and blue skies here man, wow what a difference." But this weekend it was a different story "It's about 45, blue skies, the snow is melting, and the birds are chirping," said my Pops, who was currently located in Boston.

I know this gray spell is a temporary, and before you know it I'll be down in Santa Monica, spiking volleyballs, slaying, swimming in the ocean, and killing sharks with my hands.

February 6, 2009

Push: What Heroes Should BE

"Push" comes out in theaters today and while I think it looks pretty cool, I don't know if I'll have the will power to walk to the movies to see it. However, one point that needs to be made is that the special effects, mainly the super powers (looks like mind punches?) are spot on. Granted I've never seen anybody mind punch somebody in real life, but if I did, I guess this is what it would look like.

"Heroes" the NBC show, which I watch only because I can't bring myself to quit ( and I have a good time ridiculing how terrible it is with my friend) should take a note from this film. Yeah I know it's TV show vs a film, but seriously, it's NBC, the should fork over the do fo sho to make their show fresh again.

As for Push, Chris Evans, the star, is from the town next to where I grew up, how thrilling.

February 5, 2009

An Existential Crisis: I fell asleep in Death Race.

As I usually do, I got myself and my roommates all hyped up to watch a bad movie. When I say "bad" I mean I wasn't sitting down to watch "The Reader." I was sitting down to watch this summer's "Death Race 2000", which as described on the box contains the following:
"tricked our cars!", "hardened convicts", "metal crushing", "smoking hot navigators"

So naturally I was pumped, I grabbed a dos equis, some Santitas tortilla chips and pico de gallo (aka the truth) salsa and posted up on my new couch. And then disaster strikes, I fell asleep. The last thing I remember was some gruff guy saying "the first race starts now." I awoke and the menu screen was up, I slept through the whole flick.

This cuts to the core of my existence of as an action movie lover. What's happening to me? A friend said, "I knew you were passed out because "shit was blowing up and you were silent." Who am I? Why am I sleeping? What does it mean to be a 22 year old action movie lover and a person who sleeps through hot babes and fast cars?

Hopefully this won't happen again.

February 4, 2009

The Dentist Jumpoff

 First off, let me be clear and say that the dentist is one of my least favorite places to go in the world. In my list of locations to visit, The Pyramids are on the top, the dentist is on the bottom. I'm not hating on individual dentists, I think it's a noble profession that requires hours of constant study and experimentation.  Think of this simple breakdown

Candy=Greatness (a.k.a Necta of da Gods)
Dentist (hates) Greatness

So therefore the dentist is holding greatness back, which does not fly in my book.

However, this kid is taking the ride of his life, all thanks to the Dentist. So while the dentist may be leading the candy crusade, at least somewhere in the world, one child is having a great ride thanks to the man who hears this line more than anyone in the world ("yeah, I floss everyday").

February 2, 2009

24 Points About 24: Hour 7

1. "We're giving everything we can," say's the FBI, but people are still chilling at their desks talking nerd politics. They're probably posting on "Heroes" message boards.
2. Flashing green and red lights, damn, those evil Africans, are really going for that Christmas theme.
3. Agent Renee Walker must have the hots for Bauer, cause she's switching sides real quick. One minute your getting shot in the throat, the other your working your sex appeal for Jack.
4. How come Jack runs point on the raid on the African's hide out, he only uses a pistol. From an eighth grade sniper rifle to a little pistol. What's the deal?
5. Where the hell is Jack Sack? Too emo for Bauer?
6. John Bruner looked so perxplexed not because the plant was going to blow up, but because he had to take orders from Janeane Garafolo.
7. Why Kitrin Ohio?
8. Since when does Bauer climb in air vents and peak around with fiber-optic cams. The guy is a one man army. That's like having your designated hitter be your pitcher, you gotta use your assetts.
9. How does John Bruner, not know his own plant? Why does he need instruction?
10. There are way too many terrorists hiding out in the "Christmas Room?"
11. If Bauer, Buchanan, Tony, and Renee are rolling with this type of hardware, where are they purchasing their weapons? I mean those guns are huge, that's like Time Crisis hardware.
12. Tony goes low, Buchanan goes high, that's classic.
13. I gotta hand it to Dubaku, he wears a suit, has an terrorist hub in an office building, and then strolls out. Pretty clever.
14. That's a sexy ass Renee Walker ID photo.
15. Destroying the CIP module is a bold move on the bad guys part. I mean what are you going to do next?
16. The amount of people who get saved by cell phones in 24 this season is steadily climbing at two.
17. I don't like commmenting on commercials but I gotta say, by the time you read this, I will already be at or be preparing for a (second) trip to Denny's
18. The whole dynamic of having the shadow CTU being rogue yet also be fighting for good, is very interesting and clever twist on the formula.
19. I have a hunch that Tony at some point in this season, Tony is going to be revealed as still bad. He will either have been evil all along or will become psycholically unstable and Jack will have no choice but to ice him.
20. I'm begining to think that the mole in the white house is not the Chief of Staff, Shawshank Warden, but the assistant chief of staff, Band of Brothers guy. Maybe I'm reading into the fact that he keeps getting phone calls from important people.
21. The season continues to excell at individual character drama as opposed to huge crises. The scene where Tony remained behind was well written and also expertly directed. I loved the camera angles and how they showed the space between Tony and the rest of the team.
22.That programer dude definetly did not need to blow up, that's just the writers thinking, wait, what, that guy from the first episode is still around, well might has well blow him up.
23. For a total evil African warworld megalomaniac, Dubaku has a pretty simple fresh pad. Looked like my spot in college, minus the Jack Bauer portrait of course.
24. "Take him to the Korean General Store, get me some treats." I mean that's the last line that I heard.