December 22, 2008

Home Alone Is a prequel to 24


Kevin McCallister, a.k.a. the angel faced child from the "Home Alone" movies (that's 1 & 2, not the lame sequels) is a master of improvised weapons, so therefore he must be a young Jack Bauer. If there is any doubt, check out McCallister's list of skills, keep in my mind, this is before his dossier even had him in double digits.

1. Master of Media Manipulation- Uses TV to trick the pizza man into giving him free pizza. A true genius.
2. Small Arms- Combat technique includes BB gun to shoot Marv in the head with painful (not deadly) accuracy.
3. Mastery of Nature- Uses punk brother's tarantula to inflict psychological and physical pain on. enemies.
4. Enlisting Civilians- Recruits creepy snow shovel man and even more bizarre bird woman to provide fire support.
5. Munitions Expert- See toilet full of gasoline example from the New York File (aka Home Alone 2)
6. Spiritual Combat- Like all true warriors, he prays before combat, then he eats dinner.
7. Master of Improvised Booby Traps- Cannot be understated. Uses nails, Christmas ornaments, hot wheel cars, giant lead pipes, paint cans, staple guns, tool chests, even bricks to thwart enemy movements.

So when Bauer returns on January 11th (so damn pumped for that), now you know where he got his movies.

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