October 28, 2008

This Jack O Lantern Life

I see Pumpkin carving as a essential part of Halloween and a way for the inner artist to bloom in a burst of orange and yellow artistic brilliance. Let me break down pumpkin carving and why it is the "Red Dawn" of holiday traditions.

1. Pumpkin Selection- You trying to get that tall-ass pumpkin so you can get that creepy Frankenstein (THIS LINK IS WILD!!) vibe. Or you going for that wide open mouth that seems to be waiting for some Almond Joy. It does not matter, just decide well. And forget about getting pumpkins with scratches, they ruin the face of the carving surface.

2. Gutting- Some people would prefer the world "hollowing", but reaching inside a pumpkin and pulling out that nasty shit is a cost that the artist must pay for glory. Think of it as some sort of test to see if you are worthy. It's as if the pumpkin is saying "yeah cut me up, do it, but first, reach inside take out my guts"
It's like an offering to the Pumpkin Gods.

3. To Stencil or Not To Stencil, That is the Question- Some people love stenciling the pumpkin design and then creating something truly amazing. See the ridiculous pumpkin of Obama. However, I view stencils as cheating, on par with plagiarizing papers and performance enhancing drugs. You gotta do it all by yourself, you owe to the pumpkin and your self to carve on your own.

4. Pumpkin God- While doing some temp work for a local talk show, I went on an errand to the Pumpkin God. This dude's carvings are mind melting in their power. He is is so damn nasty, that when October ends he starts carving Watermelons.

Have a Happy Halloween, I'll be back to tomorrow with some classic Halloween stories.

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