October 29, 2008

The Great Candy Exchange

Americans are feeling very ghoulish about the economy. Stocks are down, foreclosures are everywhere, and there is a credit problem. However, there is hope because starting on Friday, there will be a booming Candy Economy. Any trick-or-treater, from young kids with plastic pumpkins to middle school pros with pillow cases (trash-bags if that's your thing) will tell you a crucial dynamic of Halloween is the post trick-or treat-trade. I'll break down the value system.

1. The King Size Bar- In a land of cotton candy nothing competes to the sweetness that is a king size bar. It is the Google of Candy Stocks, chances are if you were trick or treating you already knew what houses meant big time goodness and which houses gave you health food garbage. Anything, I mean anything, can be traded for a King Size.
2. The Rarities- After the King Size Bars come the a rarities, I'm talking strange foreign, but delicious sweets that the new neighbors with the silly accents had their butler import.
3. The Surprise- A surprise would be anything that breaks the mold, a candy you know, but were not expecting to get. A great example is Nerd Rope, it's not a rarity, but it commands some power on the exchange.
4. Quantity- Here is where things get crazy. Probably have a candy portfolio that includes Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Snickers, Skittles, you know, the works. It all matters how much you have and how much you can part for. I once knew a dude who traded all of his M & M's for one little pack of skittles. Hey, you can't hate on passion (or is it addiction).
5. The Health Foods- This is the worst possible thing, anybody who's giving this out should just go away for the night and leave out a please take one of dental vouchers. Seriously, if someone tried to trade me raisins for anything, regardless I would point them to whole foods where they could maybe exchange the raisins for cash and then send them to a store where they should buy some a king size Charlestown Chew. Then we can talk business.

However at the end of the day, the candy market is all in the sell. If you can convince someone that raisins are better, well I guess you have a future in stock markets and bailouts. Go get em, guy.

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