September 24, 2008

Where Art Though, Arnold?

My brother gave me "Conan the Barbarian" as a Christmas gift when I was in 4th grade. He also gave me "Hoosiers", but while that movie is legit, I was more excited about Conan. In that film Arnold slays some serious beasts including but not limited to a James Earl Jones snake monster, evil vampire hookers, and numerous hairy men. In case you were wondering the movie why is the movie is awesome. Watch this clip of Conan describing what is best in life and you'll see what I mean.

Now, Lionsgate is trying to remake this movie. But here is the problem, no one in Hollywood is even close to having the badass action cred to play a hulking barbarian warrior. Can you imagine Seth Rogen holding that sword. George Clooney? John Cena, most of you don't know who that is. And some of you are thinking, what about "The Rock" Dwanye Johnson, come on seriously, the dude's next movie is called "The Tooth Fairy", and yes, he will be wearing a tutu.

Which brings me to the final point. Arnold needs to get out of this political gig and get back into doing what he does best. This includes, but is not limited to the following.

1. Killing intergalactic bounty hunters
2. Fighting liquid metal robots from the future
3. Getting pregnant
4. Engaging in a mortal fight to the death with the devil
5. Saving Kindergartners

Arnold come back, we need you.

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